Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis still back

i wasn't disrespectful to her, i was cocky. she liked that. maybe i was wrong, time will tell. i guess if she is gone and it's all that easy for her to accept then she will stay gone no matter what.

i opened up the box, and wrote a different letter, i changed gorgeous to her name.


back to leaving her alone.

a question i have though is, so i leave her alone. till when when? just never call her or contact her again?

I would say forever.


She is always free to contact you.


Quite frankly, with her behavior, she owes you an apology first anyway.


Let her go. It's over. Finished.

cool, so none of it was real. and someone can stop loving you in a week. and i should have no faith in her at all

I didn't say any of those things.

????

You're question was when should you contact her.

My answer, as per what I think is proper DB'ing in this case, is never.



You know what? I understand that this hurts and this is a sucky outcome to something that you thought would be great.

But you don't have to become an [censored] because it didn't work out. Have you always been like this? It's very "little boy" instead of "grown man."

If you don't want advice, don't ask the question.

Look at your last interaction with her. Look at it honestly. Then tell me that you have ANY business interacting with this woman right now.


Jeesh....

i know it is childish, i asked her a question that i needed an answer to or else i wouldn't have contacted her at all. i am confused. that is the problem. the easiest thing to do would be to think she is like xw, or poor me again, and leave it go, not have any faith in her. i have an instinct about her. i don't want it. i am a good man, and she was lucky to have me, and she knew it because she told me. and i was lucky to have her. i am getting anger for nothing. and i am confused

you know, it's not even about what i want. i just want her to be okay

So how do we respond when we're getting anger from someone we love, and we don't know why?

I'm not trying to bash. Just trying to remind you of what you already know.

When the pizza is too hot straight out of the oven, you have to let it sit and cool. You can blow on it and try to eat it anyway, but you run a good risk of burning your mouth in the process.

She's hot. For whatever reason. You have to let her cool.

If you try playing games with her now (i.e. the pet name calling that she made clear she didn't want to hear), you're going to end up with a burnt mouth.

Pull back. Let it rest for a bit. In a couple weeks you can do something sweet like sending her a card with an honest message inside. Maybe something like, "F, I'm sorry how things unfolded. Not sure where things got off track, but I'm sorry if I caused you any pain. Just sending this to let you know that I was thinking about you. Fondly."

Whatever happened here, and it seems like a combination of things, pressure is not going to fix it, and I think you know that.

That doesn't keep it from staying on your mind, or from making you ache inside a bit.

But think it thru. If this truly was something good and worth fighting for, remember that sometimes fighting means stepping back.


Bill

thanks man, and i know better than this.
ust never have been a patient person, or one to keep my mouth shut

i logged on to post that i was done with her emotionaly, that she is damaged and i was wrong.

i guess, i just pray for her.

is it an instinct or denial?

Instinct or denial? If you're talking about praying for her, I don't think it's denial.

You were engaged, not married. There is still pain in losing her and what the two of you were planning together. But you do have the luxury of knowing that you are not deconstructing a marriage.

She was strongly attracted to you once. It could happen again.

You know how this works though. Trying to be attractive to win her back...nah. Being the REAL BF, the best one you can be...yeah.

Maybe she's got flaws. Then again, maybe she's as confused by this as you are and she just doesn't want to let you in right now.

Grieve the loss, continue praying for her well being, and continue on with the strong guy that you had become. Let life happen.


Bill

Lay down any damn way.

This wasn't a marriage.

It was a months-long relationship that she has ended.

Be yourself... but keep yourself away from her.

There is no "entitlement" here, Blynd - like there is in a marriage

Cut it loose.

And stop assuming you know her better than she knows herself.

I'm sorry to be mean but I'm not too thrilled about the tendencies I am seeing in you right now.