I think its typical that some point in time a marriage is going to have some rough times. My M has gone through so many rough spots I feel like I'm being singled out by God. I know he's not but since I'm not perfect I need find a reason to the maddness.
I can laugh and joke with her, but she's not ready to be with me. We hug briefly and yesterday my D10 joined us. It felt like for the first time I had a family.
Later, my neighbor and I went for drinks at a local bar. People know her and they kind of know me there. We talked and joked and I had a good time. There was a woman seperated and going to D her H. She said how all guys are jerks and I listened even more. In my mind I was thinking that my W was jerk but kept my mouth shut.
I hate the stich I'm in. I want so badly to share my life and love the woman I married. To be a family where a group hug ends with a sincere kiss.
I was feeling down yesterday, more down than usual. I wanted to plead to my W we need to do something for our M. Instead I just sat down across from her while those thoughts whistled through my head.
Later I searched on the computer for a new MC. I felt the old one was doing more harm than good. The best way to decribe it, is we couldn't wait to go to a session to tattle on one another. After awhile you can only do so much tattling before you get angry.
Well hopefully I found a good MC. I showed my W the information I found on the internet about him. While she was reading it I asked her if she wanted to go. In a quiet voice she responded that she didn't know. Okay, I said then I'm going alone if I have to.
Well I left a message with the MC and he called me back right away. He was booked, but thought I should talk to a female MC so my W would be more comfortable. I agreed and he told me to expect a call from her soon.
Later that afternoon I received a call from someone with a very quiet voice. It was my new MC. Her schedule was booked and she could only fit me in the next day. I took the only day and time she had available.
I told my W I had scheduled an appoitment and asked if she would be going. No she said I'm doing something that day. Then she got angry at me for scheduling the session without asking her. Well my W was leaving for work. I stopped and told her she doesn't realize how much I want a D. The exact words were "I'm going ape not knowing about how my R with you is going to work out" then she left.
Later I called my W and told her the following. I'm sorry that you can't fit a MC appointment in your busy schedule. I want so bad to work on our M and if we don't it's going to drive me crazy. I feel our last session with X were fine up to a point. I also felt like they were used to tattle on the other person. I then told her how much I care for her and that soon it won't be enough.
She call me back later and was insulted when I pointed out her schedule was so busy. Then she said she wanted to talk tonight when she got home, but she would be out late. I smiled after hearing her message and saved the voicemail. It doesn't matter anymore I've been at this for way to long for such small baby steps.
Well I had an interesting MC session. I could see the difference with the new MC compared to the old one. For one she seemed more natural with her validation and open end questions. My W seemed more talkative too.
What we discovered was our MC was acting more as a mediator than a marriage councelor. The new MC asked us some tough questions and my W and I answered the best we could. Before my W wouldn't answer any questions or respond with a I don't know.
The session ended nicedly, but not what I hoped. Our (hopefully) new MC asked if she wanted us to see her again. My W didn't know. On our way home I asked if she wanted to see this councelor. She didn't know and I get the impression this will be our last visit.
One thing I got out of this session which I knew, but can't understand.
I get it. Words that have been haunting me since my failed attempt to get my W back into a marriage counceling. For six years my W and I have been trying to salvage our M. I walked out of one MC session and she no longer wants to see anyone.
I think the person we use to see was good, but he couldn't go any further.
It's been a while since I heard from you. Well to answer your question. We don't fight, we get along well and we have a child. She doesn't L me, but I don't think she Ls herself.
When she goes to work, she gives me a hug. If I ask for a hug I get one. She also knows that when our D turns eighteen, I'm leaving. Maybe sooner if it gets too much.
I would have to agree with your comment. No need to say your sorry.
Last weekend she drank too much and asked. Why am I still here. She appologized for what she's doing to me, but she doesn't know why she doesn't L me anymore.
My W and I have a large disconnect in our lives. She doesn't want to go out of her way to do anything with me. Baby steps is the mantra of this board. How many baby step equals a step. That's something I would like to know.
I go out by myself and I try to keep it a mystery. Sometimes I feel like the biggest looser while I'm displaying my independence. Last night I went to a local bar. I sat and had a few drink and bought this younger lady a few. Why, because she was nice to me and nothing more. We talked and I listened - practicing my validation skills.
I don't how men can not talk to their Ws. My W is a cold fish, she has her problems and the only time I here about them is when she's drunk. Why do I have such a sad and pathetic life? Maybe I could have chosen better words, but right now I'm lost for anything better.
It has been over five years since I gotten a kiss or heard the words ILY. At first I stayed for my daughter. Now, I stay for myself. My W, is happy and I get a hug before she leaves for work. We've been having more casual talks. Sometimes she'll say my name in a happy up beat tone.
Other than hugs I can show her my affection by kissing her on the cheek. Depending how she feels, she may lean towards me. How did I get all these baby steps? By praying and leaving my problems into God's hands.
I'm not an innocent, but I'm a pretty good guy. My W has screwed up so much and so badly I let it go. I point out her mistakes when they involve me or the family. Other than that I let her stand on her own.
I L her but only b/c she's my W. A long time ago I was told not to make promises. The death to us part is what I'm waiting for. I know God would forgive me if I get a D. I know that I deserve more affection in my life than the tiny bread crumbs my W throws out.
