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I don't think she seeked out the other guy for that reason. He moved back into town after being out for the last 15 or so and he called to say Hi.

W and I were not really getting along at all a year and a half ago so she did not tell me. He would listen and be understanding. I think it meet her emotional need. I was not that is why I take the blame for it. Like all EA it happened slowly over time, I just thank god that she knew the line and did not cross it.

She did not let it go past that but now that she realizes it was a EA and I think that is because of my comment about not saying ILY to a girlfriend. But again if I had been the man/husband I was suppose to be she would have been able to tell me and it could have just been a friendship and not a EA.

Do you understand what I am saying. It took me a while but I have sorted it out and just need to come to grips with it and forgive her and myself for all this BS. Forgivness of myself is hard I really need to let go of the past and move on to the future.

Your recognising things within yourself you don't like sir and want out, so your heading in the right direction. Please ring and explain that to my W ???? lol

Life is about the future, the past is no more. It cannot be changed and therefore dwelling on the bad bits of it can only harm us and never help us.

Saw a cracking post from SC (I think ) earlier re take one day at a time, if not, 1 hour, if not 1 min and then work forward. Great way of looking at it I think.

Thanks Arthur,

I am really trying to forgive and forget my past but it is difficult.

People say knowing the problem is half the battle, my W said that during our conversation on Friday. Now I just need to do it.

I agree with SC and appriciate any advice she gives. She sounds so much like my W and if her and her H can make it i beleive I can also.

Good luck with you W. I have not read your sitch but will look for it.

You can always start going without her. I went to C long before H ever joined me. I had asked & asked him for years & he kept saying "we're not that messed up". Well, in his reality we weren't, in my reality, we were. You know you can't "talk" anybody into MC. When she hurts enough, she'll go. Until then, you go & tell me what you learn. hugs

I did go to C last year. I have been thinking of going back but right now I am not sure if I should go alone. Also I am waiting to be put on my W insurance before I can do that.

I am just not sure how all the events that took place this weekend have effected our R. I can't figure out if it did alot of damage or it woke her up to what I thought it was an EA. I don't think she looked at it like that until Friday and I am hopeing she understands just a little bit why I was so stuck on it for so long.

I really hope she sees my POV and I appologized for alot that happened in our marriage and I told her that if I had taken her neeeds and wants into consideration and looked at things from her POV this would never of happened.

She cryed when I told her how much I knew about what she has gone thru, thanks to you WAW post, and how I want so much to make it up to her and how sorry I was for not being there for her when she needed me. If anything she now knows that I know what I did wrong and that I accept full responsability for my actions and inactions all these years.

Hopefull when she is done processing it all we can move forward and rebuild or M.

Thanks for allowing me to see the otherside and understanding her better.

Mike,

I have not heard much from you lately. I know your busy with the house and stuff but I want to make sure I did not piss you off with any of my post. I know it was a huge backslide and maybe I am taking alot of the blame for my M problems but I really was not a nice person to live with.

Things do not seem to be tense around my house and she did give me and anniversary card on Sunday so I am hopeful we can move on and get over all these issues.

Your advice and insites have been most valuable and have helped me a great deal. So I'm sorry if I did pissed you off. I seem to have done that very well the past couple of days.

Lord how mercy Brother..you've not made me mad. I think you're doing good.

I'm watching and reading. I've not left you and I won't. I have not felt a need to post to you. Looks like you're doing good to me.

EVERYBODY BACKSLIDES..IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T THEN THEY ARE NOT BEING TRUTHFUL. Backslides are human nature.

I would never get mad at you or anybody else here. If iwas offended I would tell you.

I'm here, continue on..

Thanks Mike,

I now know she has noticed my changes and all the stuff you said seems positive was. She told me days she thinks we will make it and others she does not. I will take that as hope and keep doing what I have been doing that works.

I just need to be patient as you have said many times. Lots of hurt feelings and miss read signs by both of us. We were too busy trying to keep the peace that we forgot how to tell each other when we were hurt or what our needs were.

Just part of life. Now that we know I hope we can make changes that will improve our R.

Let me caution you about one thing. and i believe this is in the book also.

You use the word we above. This is about you. You are here to make changes for you for the better with the hope that for every change you make, she will make a change for the better resulting in a better realtionship. A better M.

Like I said. Slow and patient. There's no need to get in a hurry, no need to panic.

Take good care of yourself and stay emotionally "centered"

you're doing good.

Your right my bad.

It was just one thing I asked of her was to tell me when I upset her or do something that hurts her feelings and not act like it did not happen just to keep the peace. That is the change I was talking about a look does not do it for me I need a raised voice or a simple "please don't do that again that really hurts". Then I can appologize for it and try not to do that again.

Being raised with two brothers that fought and argued then moved on without acknowledging that feeling may have been hurt is how I handled stuff with my wife. I have tryed to change that but sometimes I am still oblivious to doing it and need something said to me.