Thank you all for your kind words, good advice, and giving a damn. I have spent so much time and energy Dbing, always trying to do the right thing, keeping a pleasant demeanor, and carrying on light conversation while my pulse is racing and my heart is beating out of my chest. Hanging on by a string to the dimmest shreds of hope. At the very least, I can get some modicum of closure. The thought of life without her, however, is unbearable.
We live in a small town and will have frequent regular contact. I would almost have to become a hermit to avoid playing spectator to whatever relationships develop for her. It turns my stomach just to write this. To see her playing kissy-face in the bars. We had a white hot love that I guess burned out. The beginning of the relationship was very sexually charged. Man… turns my stomach.
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
The stbx called yesterday afternoon to pick a fight. Or at least try to. We had agreed that I was to come over to the… ahem… her… house so that I could go through photographs and select some from which copies would be made and subsequently returned. She must have had something going on that she would rather do instead because she was loaded for bear when she called.
This woman knows me and knows how to push my buttons. She immediately started making incendiary statements and accusations and put me in a position where I could either confirm said accusations or defend myself. Upon defending my self she does the same old song and dance. Twisting words around, accusing me of saying things I clearly did not say, basic “straw man” stuff. She talks to me as if I were some 3rd party who was not present for the original conversation even as I participate in it. During our marriage, this would evoke from me anger, shouting, and all manner of vicious and nasty verbiage. This would then give her the moral high ground and absolve her of any accountability.
Gladly, I would not be sucked into an argument. In fact, during my recent former life as a Dber I would have congratulated myself on a strong 180. [yea me] Despite my calm demeanor and soothing tone and “I don’t want to fight with you” over and over, she was determined to reach her goal. The goal, of course, was so she could indignantly announce that I was not welcome to come over to the house to look through photos. I say OK, I respect your wishes and that is that.
Ironically, it almost makes me feel better when things like this happen. It’s when she is being nice and sweet that it tears me up inside. I look forward to the day when my own emotional state is not dictated by however I perceive her to be feeling toward me at a given moment. I fear that I may be a long way from there.
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
I had a breakthrough this weekend. On Saturday I found myself attracted to a woman that was not my stbx. She appeared to be attracted to me. Never mind that I am 9 years her senior. (35 and 26 respectively) I believe that if I had put in the effort, a kiss and perhaps more would have been my prize. I am not quite ready for such shennigans, however, and remained satisfied with the present circumstance being what it was.
Sounds like a small thing, I know. BUT… for the first time I felt that there may just be life after D. There very well may be “other fish in the sea.”
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I had a breakthrough this weekend. On Saturday I found myself attracted to a woman that was not my stbx. She appeared to be attracted to me. Never mind that I am 9 years her senior. (35 and 26 respectively) I believe that if I had put in the effort, a kiss and perhaps more would have been my prize. I am not quite ready for such shennigans, however, and remained satisfied with the present circumstance being what it was.
Sounds like a small thing, I know. BUT… for the first time I felt that there may just be life after D. There very well may be “other fish in the sea.”
OL,
That is huge! Trust me on this one..... There are TONS of guys out there... However, if you are a solid one woman man with character... You will have a lot of gals interested in you....
At first, it was incredibly difficult to even think about being with another woman besides my exW... However, when I kept meeting women who dug me, this all changed.... I LOVED the fact I got to choose a new woman... I did.... It has been amazing...
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I had a breakthrough this weekend. On Saturday I found myself attracted to a woman that was not my stbx. She appeared to be attracted to me. Never mind that I am 9 years her senior. (35 and 26 respectively) I believe that if I had put in the effort, a kiss and perhaps more would have been my prize. I am not quite ready for such shennigans, however, and remained satisfied with the present circumstance being what it was.
Sounds like a small thing, I know. BUT… for the first time I felt that there may just be life after D. There very well may be “other fish in the sea.”
You are neither a failure nor a quitter. You tried, she didn't, she's the failure and quitter. Be carefull of jumping straight into a relationship, you are not ready for that yet, as far as her baiting you into fights, I know that one way too well. In time you will simply ignore anything she has to say, as I have done. At this point my XW knows better than to even try to contact me, I will not, nor will I ever speak to her again.
You are neither a failure nor a quitter. You tried, she didn't, she's the failure and quitter. Be carefull of jumping straight into a relationship, you are not ready for that yet, as far as her baiting you into fights, I know that one way too well. In time you will simply ignore anything she has to say, as I have done. At this point my XW knows better than to even try to contact me, I will not, nor will I ever speak to her again.
BH,
Some very good points. Would you mind sharing why you feel this way about your exW? I kind of have the same thoughts right now...
Take Care,
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 06/13/0809:13 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
You are neither a failure nor a quitter. You tried, she didn't, she's the failure and quitter. Be carefull of jumping straight into a relationship, you are not ready for that yet, as far as her baiting you into fights, I know that one way too well. In time you will simply ignore anything she has to say, as I have done. At this point my XW knows better than to even try to contact me, I will not, nor will I ever speak to her again.
BH,
Some very good points. Would you mind sharing why you feel this way about your exW? I kind of have the same thoughts right now...
Take Care,
NMD
Why do I feel this way toward my XW? Quite simple, 4.5 years ago my sister passed away, she had 2 children ages 2 and 3. My XW would not shut up until I took them away from thier natural father, don't get me wrong, they needed to be away from him, but we were not prepared for this, she had always preached about having children, she couldn't have any. I had always kinda played it down, so to not make her feel bad about not being able to have any kids, but I also knew that she was way too much about herself to raise kids. Anyway, I tried to talk her out of taking them, but everyone, including her family made me out to be an S.O.B. then a little over 2 years ago she decided that she didn't want them anymore or me. They were 4 and 5 at the time. After she left, she claimed that she didn't really want them, she said she only made one comment about them, her family said that I would have ended up with them anyway, I wasn;t the only man in the world to have to raise kids, you name it. LOL In addition to all of that, she has done just about every type of mean despicable thing you can think of to me. I just decided to not speak to her or her family any more. I thought it was best this way, I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail for what I might do if I kept talking to them and listening to them run thier mouths about everything. Hope that answers your question. LOL
Brave--- Those poor children...to be left twice. I hope that you are getting support for yourself, and for them. I can't imagine what they must have felt through all of their short lives.
