Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy To be here or not to be here

Hmm I have a MC session set up for tonight. After last weeks session H decided he no longer wanted the M admitted to still seeing OW and went a little off. Should I even bother asking if he would like to attend?

Is this what they refer to as the fog?

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory ~ Josh Billings

The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory. ~ Author Unknown

I'm always fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. ~ Diane Sawyer

Pinkie,

Unfortunately, MCing doesn't work very well -- if at all -- if one of the spouses is in an active affair. If the sessions are helping YOU, and you can afford it, then you can go, but if you're looking for significant improvement in your marriage while your husband is still having an affair, I wouldn't recommend it, but would recommend you go see an IC instead.

Puppy

You are right, I really didn't think there was a point but thought I'd ask. I will go partake in my Wednesday night GAL activity instead!

Well the infamous lawyer called today, the one I have been hounding for months that did return one call immediately following us deciding we were goung to "work on it". I set up an appointment for next Thursday. It is a free consultation so can't hurt no matter what. Why do we all have to be here :-(

Because we all had to meet each other?

Best I can think of....

(((Pinkie))) you are definately in the right place for getting support and I couldn't agree more with Puppy. If H is still in an active affair, MC is a waste of time and $$$. Get yourself a good IC and do it for yourself. My H and I went to MC and she told H that as long as there were 3 in the marriage he was skating and it was a waste of time.

What is it the goal you are working towards? Are you getting a LS? That is what we are going to file in the next week or so. We have an appt. with a friend who does all of this stuff and she is going to take H's name off of the house and do a good faith agreement and then we will file and be LS...wow, what a great birthday gift! Sorry, I'm kinda crabby today.

Are you on fb?

Yup I just sent you an email.

So it looks like things are moving forward. I have not talked much since I started posting. Maybe because I have been scared to.

I have allowed H for the last 5 nights to sleep on my couch in the basement. Although he claimed never to have lived with OW (just stayed tehre once in awhile) now he seems to have nowhere to go. I can verify this since I could see where he was living up until this point(for the few days) from my front window.

It would appear that things are actually done at this point with OW, this is from some of the extreme actions my H has taken which I will not post. However,H still does not seem to want the M.

He is really sending mixed messages though, and I have not been good at remaining detatched(as if I ever was). We took party in a major annual family function-for his family- this week, he out of the blue decided we would be participating(after avoiding his family for months and not attending last year even though everything was good then). I made a comment about half way through that I was really frustrated and he said why? I said - I just don't understand how you don;t want this? He said - Who says I don't want this?

The appraiser for my house called the other day - I had not picked up the message - H picked it up but purposely did not pass it on. He called again this morning, he is coming Monday and following that I will be able to buy my house. I have an appt as mentioned with the Lawyer on Thursday.

H got up and left last night as I was on the phone, said he went to the bank - in another town - I asked Y he said he opened a new account as I mentioned and was going to have his cheques transferred there. I guess we are really going down that road.

I was tired last night so I didn't take one of those little pills when I went to bed, well I slept but I dreamt. I dreamt that I found an email from last August between the 2 of them (affair supposedly started in Dec) and a few others that were disturbing at the time but I can't remember now.

Have the day off today - going to make my house look spectacular - so I can get a good appraisal - wait - doesn;t that mean I would owe H more?

Yes. If it is being appraised for you to buy out his share, then the more it appraises for the more you would pay. But appraisers are not looking at the tidyness or decorating. They look at square foot and the building materials and the age of those materials. So unless you are replacing flooring or something like that, you will not change the value by cleaning.

Glad you at least let him come indoors.

(((((Pinkie)))))

If he has really broken things off with OW (or vice-versa), there's going to be a grieving period before he wants to be in the M, or any other relationship. So, it is a step in the right direction, though we don't know what steps will follow.

Take good care of yourself, Pinkie!