I feel very upbeat today. First because I feel that God is working in my marriage. Second everything went very well with my W and her parents. With her parents, most of the focus was on the truck. They weren't here long cause they needed to get back. After they left my W was here for about another 30-40 min. We had some general conversation which felt productive, but nothing was ever brought up about our S or R, I was glad for that. She was getting ready for work, fixing her hair and make-up. Anyhow she was wearing a black one piece dress, one of those that you pull on. It had a deep V-cut in the front with shiny black lace around the edges and tied at the waist to one side in front. Also had some open toed strap shoes with a low heal. The dress really made her figure look great. Now with this black dress against her dark tan, her hair and make-up fixed, I just kept thinking "Damn she looks Hot." I did complement her a few times on different things and she said thanks and seemed appreciative. After cleaning the truck and seeing her like this I was thinking I need to get cleaned up, she needs to skip work and we need to go on a date. I know I can't be that forward right now but being patient, I do think and pray that that day will come. Oh yeah, as she was leaving she did make the move to give me a hug, I hugged her, walked her to the car pat her on the back and told her to have a good day. She said I will talk to you later. I hope we can continue with baby steps and move forward. I for myself am just going to wait for whenever she calls, I want to give her that space and time and me just be patient. I am trying to let her set the pace and take her lead and only respond when the time looks right in whatever the situation.
Anyways I will be looking forward to hearing your thoughts on my updated sitch.
I hope we can continue with baby steps and move forward. I for myself am just going to wait for whenever she calls, I want to give her that space and time and me just be patient. I am trying to let her set the pace and take her lead and only respond when the time looks right in whatever the situation.
That is exactly what you need to do! Couldn't have said it better myself. If you can hang in there and not pursue and let her take that lead.....I think you have a good chance. So, keep doing what works, okay?
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi, as always thank you for your follow-up and input. Anyhow I did something that I believe will lift me everyday. Just as my wedding ring reminds me daily of my lovely W and our vows, I bought a religious ring that says "Strength" to remind me that God is with me, will restore my marriage, and to left me up when I feel down. With faith and God anything is possible.
You've got that right! All things are possible with God. Also, please remember something......It is impossible for God to fail. Humans fail every day. We are all imperfect! If our situation happens to get worse, it is not b/c God has failed. We get upset and want to blame God for not doing what we wanted Him to do, but perhaps He is waiting for us to "really" give it all over to Him and allow Him to do His work in His time. I know all about that, b/c I have done it so many times. Funny thing about God......He is such a gentleman and when I am so determined to do it my way.....He steps aside and does not interfer with my free will and allows me to have at it. Then, of course, I make a bigger mess out of things and have to go back to Him and try again to seriously, this time, give it all to Him.
Just resoved to have more faith and be sure that you are giving it to Him to take care of it instead of you trying to fix it. That is where it gets tough. Another thing I've learned about faith is this.....we would never need faith if we never had problems. How will our faith grow without the opportunity to use it? Faith is like muscles....it has to be used in order to get stronger.
Take one day at a time just as the Bible teaches us to do and let God do His work. Your part is to "believe" in Him to do it and for you to relax.....that is real faith! when you can relax and wait on the Lord!
Take care and keep believing.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just resolved to have more faith and be sure that you are giving it to Him to take care of it instead of you trying to fix it. That is where it gets tough. Another thing I've learned about faith is this.....we would never need faith if we never had problems. How will our faith grow without the opportunity to use it? Faith is like muscles....it has to be used in order to get stronger.
Hey Sandi,
I think everything you said is very insightful and truthful. Your above statement really opened my eyes, I haven't looked at it that way. I have been so distant from God in the past up until recently that God probably is testing my faith and at the same time bringing me closer to him. Yes I have made mistakes in my marriage, but have admitted and take responsibility for them. Sometimes I ask myself "Can I pass God's test? Then I tell myself YES I can." I feel that when I pass his test, make the changes he is expecting of me, follow his commands, and when he gets through working in my W's life and heart, that is when my W will come home. My W is coming home, it is just a matter of when. Well when it happens I will let ya know...lol.
It is good to hear what you had to say in your last post, your knowledge really has to help your marriage and to have happiness too.
I think one thing is for sure, if you stand firm you can see what and where it will get your marriage/relationship!
I got off work and stopped at sandwich shop to grab a bite to eat. As I eating I saw a car that looked like my W go by and was turning in the general direction of our house. I finished my sandwich and headed home. I guess it was, cause the mail was inside. I think she was just checking to see if she had got anything in the mail and maybe getting something else, I don't know. It kinda bothers me that she doesn't call ahead or let me know anything at all, that fact that she may come and go whenever to do whatever. Since we have been apart for the past two and half months I have mentioned calling her. She said a couple times a week would be ok for now, however I haven't called her. Yesterday I thought about calling her, but decided to wait since she was out of town at a friends birthday party. So I thought I would call today just to ask her "How was your day?", "How was the birthday party?", just a few general conversation points, nothing big or about our R. Thought I might call around 9:30 and keep call to about 5 min and then tell her I have to go. Also about her coming by the house, I wasn't going to mention that to her, the reason being I don't want to put my hands in that sitch like I am trying to FIX things. I was wondering if I should just let that roll off my back. I will say that when I noticed she came by that I was super close to calling her then about that, but I decided to give myself some time to calm down and collect my thoughts. One other point about calling: Makes me think if I should or wait further for more of her lead. I will say that she has called a few times, but if I remember correctly it was when she needed to find out some general info or needed something. She has asked how my day was in a couple calls.
Anyway I would appreciate your thoughts Sandi, or anyone else who would like to comment on my current sitch.
First, from my last post I will say that I have not called my W, but on the contrary I have been praying for a sign that the Lord is working in our marriage. I haven't thought about my W as much today as I usually do. Anyway I left work and was just starting to think about my W. I was coming down an access road to merge onto the Interstate but looked down for just a second but when I looked back up a Covenant Transport truck passed right in front of me. The timing of everything could not have been more right on, if it had been a second or so more I would not have seen the truck due to an overpass bridge and the direction he was headed. I took that as a sign, it really made my day and I think I had a smile from ear to ear for the next few miles just thinking about it. Also another funny thing, when I was cutting the yard this mocking bird seem to follow me around while I cut the front, but then when I went to the back he followed me around there most of the time too. It almost seemed like a pet or friend, I thought it was kinda funny. Anyway for the most part it has been a pretty good day, hope that is a sign for the weekend too.
The thing with the mail reminds me of another stitch. It can get blown way out of proprotion. I understand your feelings about it and it is the downside of you still living the the house that both of you shared. She still thinks she has a right to go in as she pleases. She probably hasn't given it a thought, where if you had an apartment or another house, she may think of it completely differently b/c she had never lived there. But that is one of those small things you don't want to sweat. It's not worth it.
As for the phone calls or text messages, I would try to do like the DR book says and stay detatched from that. I know it is so hard for you b/c you need to hear her voice, but try to look at the big picture and see the end results. The suffering you are going through now by missing her and not being able to talk to her will be worth it in the end when she comes back home.
She needs to "miss you" and she can't if you are always calling or emailing and texting. See what I mean? Just wait until it is time to get the child to say a few polite words and not get into R talks. Those are the time you want to look good and be on your best behavior. Give her time and space. That is the hardest thing for men to do when their W's leave. If they could just do that one thing, then they would have a much great chance in their W's returning home. Try to keep that in mind when you are wanting to call her so badly.
This is just my opinion, but I don't think God is necessarily testing you. We have troubles and problems as a result that is mostly due to our own bad decisions.....not because God is testing us. However, He will guide us out of those problems and do what is best for us if we will continue to stay in His Will and trust Him to work it out.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today I had some very strong moments of weakness. I wanted to talk to my W so bad I could not stand it. I wanted to call her. I was feeling aggravated and frustrated. Finally I decided to say a prayer and ask God to send me a sign on what to do. Well I did not call her, but when I got home and read your reply that was sign NO.1 and then I got an E-mail that was sign No.2, after reading both I felt very reassured that I did the right thing and that God answered my prayer. I said a prayer thanking him first and now I am thanking you. Once again thank you for being there for me Sandi, you may not have any idea how much it means to me, but it means a lot.
Thanks sooners. Just a word about "signs" from God....don't be discouraged if you ask for a sign and don't get one. When that happens, it means that God just wants you to "trust" Him without any signs. When we don't see a sign, that is usually Him telling us to be still and let Him do His work. Hard to do when you are a "fixer" like I am! But, I have learned that if I will keep my mouth shut and not do anything, He will do the work and it will come out a whole lot better than if I interferred.
Stay strong. You are doing better.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
