Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? ms ladybug SQUISHED (2)

The timing is probably what made it happen, actually.
Some people decide to lash out that way. To avoid going the other way.


Hang in there. Try not to dwell on today too much.

You know we spent a lot of time this weekend talking about R. Nice talks, about moving forward. We had a birthday party for s2, then went out to a movie that night.
Even just last night, we went over the finances, and h says he wants to start a date night once a week, plan menus together, etc...
Then, we get in an arguement...over bedtime issues with s2...and it ESCALATES! I mean escalates BIG TIME!...Into you f'n liar, f off you b****...you apolgized to passify me, to get me to come back...nothings changed...I don't trust you...can't stand the sight of you...etc...
This continued until 3am.
Then the call today to leave him alone, f off.
...on our anniversary!

Last night, I layed down with my son and I was just praying/thinking about providing the kids with a peaceful, blessed home. Were things don't get thrown, and mom and dad don't yell.
What it takes to get there. Mom and dad growing up, or mom and dad divorcing??
I still don't know.

It might be either one, I suppose. You can take care of mom. Concentrate on that.

Yikes, that's tough. I don't know what to counsel when it involves s2. Hopefully there's a way to respectfully disagree, but when he's trying to pick a fight it's tough.

I found this on a success story today:
"When he starts talking about your failures and why the marriage was so horrible, much of which is probably true, he is waiting for you to react in anger, hurt, frustration, and let you say horrible things to him, blame him for everything and storm out of the house because this is the type of behavior that validates his thoughts, expectations and rationalizations for walking away. Such behavior will make him feel better. When you DON’T act like this, it will throw him for a loop and he will be completely bewildered. Try it. This doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. This simply means listening and validating his feelings, thoughts and emotions regarding you, him and the marriage. It does not mean that you have to accept ridiculous requests regarding things such as financial or property issues. If these come up, respectfully and calmly disagree. In fact, you can use them to buy time. For example, you might say: “that is not acceptable to me at this point, and it is something we can negotiate or work out in a few weeks, but I am sure we can find an amiable middle ground. I don’t want you to be a bad position. Remember I am your best friend regardless of what happens.”


The best friend part is really tough. I'm struggling with that in my sitch.

I am sorry to hear that... H doesn't know what he is missing..

((bug))

Hmm...so I had a conversation with my daughters this morning about arguing. Over the last two days they have launched into these little spats over the dumbest of things. Each of them adamant that they are "right." Well I had enough and they got my thoughts on it all. Basically I told them if you must fight, fight about something worthwhile and don't fight to be "right" because all that happens is everyone ends up unhappy. I asked them is it better to be right or happy, they both answered happy. Of course tonight they started and I just said, happy or right. They stopped right then and there.

So ms ladybug, which is it going to be "right" or "happy?"

I did not witness your argument, but I would guess from the hostility that one or both of you does not fight fair. This is a communication problem and it can be fixed. But it takes self-control to not try to kill your opponent in an argument. Did you call him any names? Did you say "you always do this", or "you never do that"? Did you blame him for things? Did you bring up the past? Did you threaten him? Did you use profanity?

All of these things are the wrong way to solve a problem. They make things worse. If you are not doing them, then is he? This could be fixed with a marriage counselor who can teach you the rules of fair fighting.

Ladybug,

Sorry to here things escalated like that. I hate when arguments get out of hand like that. I agree with everyone else that the timing just sucks, especially considering how things looked like they were turning a corner. We are here for you

(((((((((Ms Ladybug)))))))))

I'm so sorry to learn of your recent turn of events. I'm sorry your heart is hurting so badly. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to meet for coffee and lend an ear. Take care, sweet lady.