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I also have to think to myself...these are just words, not actions. Have you made my cookies yet? lol

kat

G, you are locked up. What I meant to say was that she has NOT accepted the idea of you moving on. She is still thinking that if she says "the right thing" that you will stop your move and she can keep things as they are. I was just wondering if you corrected her phrasing.

kat

Started #12 - answered you there. Thanks for being here, kat. Your H is nuts.

Thanks, I think so too.

kat

kat, maybe instead of accepting, we should embrace. You know, just turn it around. I just found out roomie heard from the apartments yesterday and they now have one available Aug 1.

It hurts, but I have to embrace her moving out. Think of it from a different perspective.

Do you mean that I should be happy that I am getting divorced and see it as an oppurtunity to get a fresh start on life?? I see it like my children growing up and moving out, I don't have to like it but have to accept it as part of the process. I will be happy for them of course, not so happy for H.

Clarify for me if you can.

kat

Try to see it like this. Your H has been such an ass to you. Do you really want to be married to someone that treats you this way? You deserve MUCH better, kat.

For myself, I am going to try to see the good side of the issues. Instead of dreading roomie moving out, which in my heart I do not want, I need to think of it as something good. That it may be the best thing to happen for us. Maybe she will finally see what we are to each other.

I know that it could be the end of us. If it turns out that way, then it was all for the better.

And yes, maybe a fresh start on life.

BTW, I do NOT endorse divorce. I hate it. But your H seems so hell bent. WE know he is confused. He doesn't. And he treats you...well, you know.

And though it may be for the better, it is still going to hurt.

We love our spouses, but it is not returned. How sad is that. I deserve to be loved for who I am. To be respected. To have someone care about me. If my roomie is incapable, then it IS for the better.

For me.

I agree that I deserve all of those things as well, I know that he loves me but can't bring himself to admit it. Perhaps the "end" will bring about a new beginning...I am just not so sure it will involve him in any way.

kat

Hi kat,

Life can turn on a dime. It isn't fair, it hurts, but that's the way things are. And we want to hold onto the past because it's comfortable, it's what we know. But that's no way to live. You did your best and you ended up with someone who has very different values. Who knows why that happened but it happened.

Now it's time to shift your focus. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity. Are you going to waste it or take what you've learned about yourself and see where those skills will take you? I know that can be scary - I'm in the same spot - but the steps don't need to be large. They just need to be steps.

This doesn't mean being happy about Ding; it means accepting the current sitch and transforming the circumstances of your life until it works for you.

lodo