Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Watching,Listening,Waiting 2

It is so hard living in the same house.
He doesn't have a chance to miss me and if I go off and do whatever on my own he wants me with him.
He wants us to do things together but just can't find that emotional reconnection. Of course he can't he is still hooked on her.

JAK

YES. Contact is contact, and it's a physiological fact that it inhibits their ability to make an emotional move back toward the marriage.

I'm curious as to why you would ask OW to request a different shift, and not your husband?

Puppy

Unfortunately, not really. Especially in cases of "unrequited love" that your husband seems to be feeling, even NEGATIVE contact "feeds the beast." He'll never get over her as long as he's in daily contact with her.

Puppy

Believe me I am going too once they do the shape up but if he didn't comply I think she would take care of it.

I think once iv'e had enough and Im'e ready to move on if neccesary
I'll tell him quit or make sure he changes shifts somehow shape up or not.

I feel i need to wait at least until D has the twins, she is high risk and if we split she will be so upset.

JAK

OK. I'll be hanging out on "Infidelity" and "Newcomers" if I can be of help in any way, JAK.

Puppy

Thanks Puppy/Choc

Until then I will keep cheerleading and trying to help him build his self worth.

Im'e tired of being second to a fantasy but not quite ready to end it if it comes to that.

Iv'e been wondering if he would ever get over her if he was seeing her at work three and four days a week. My councelor said yes but it's been almost two years just since iv'e known and he is still hooked on her or should I say the thought of her.

JAK

Jak,

I'm so sorry that things are not going smoothly for you. Sad, isn't it, that because of your H's moods it's hard to focus on the joyous coming of those sweet angel twins?

Take care of yourself and know we are her for you.

Thinking of you,
Yoyo

Yoyp,

Thanks glad to see your back so to speak. Hope you had a wonderful time.

H seems to think everything is ok. That I'll just wait until he decides what he wants for the rest of his life. Thing is I don't feel that he is even tring to make a decision to get rid of the thoguht of her. I feel that he is going to have to be givin an ultimatum and Im'e not quite there yet.

JAK

Maybe the camping trip will be just the thing to reignite the spark you feel is missing! Is that this weekend?

Have you both done the quiz from Five Love Languages? Wonder if that would give you a clue as to what is more meaningful to your H.

Mat,

We go camping on Monday for three days.
I have not done the quiz with H Im'e sure he would think it was stupid but at somepoint I plan on asking him.
I am 99.9 % sure that I know what his two biggest LL's are and I have been really acting on that. Nothing is going to really be lasting though unless he gets rid of the thought of being with OW I feel. I diod tell him i felt that he won't find those feelings for mwe when he has them for someone else.

JAK