I agree with what Madame said- your H's family probably just don't know how to interact with you know, so they're just not. Don't focus on it too heavily. My MIL sent me a card on my birthday that essentially said 'Have a nice life'. It was icky!
You are right actually, on reflection I think if I'd got a card I probably would have been angry so maybe they couldn't win in that sitch.
That's horrible from your MIL :-( although it has made me realise that I'm glad I didn't get anything. I do tend to project my frustrations onto them rather than my h. It is easy though as they are so annoying! :-)
Happy birthday weekend, Julia darling!!! I hope you have so much fun!!!!
I think these thoughts that you are journaling are just part of the process. I definitely realized many mistakes I made in the past that I didn't recognize at the time. I think for me this processing really helped me think through how I contributed to my situation and how I'd like to do things differently in the future when I'm interacting with fellow humans But please remember that what happened is only 50% our responsibility, and no more.
Well, after my minor blip yesterday morning I've had a fab birthday weekend. My friends really came out on tops and I think I've managed to create a semi masterpiece in my pottery painting today! I've also eaten enough cake to last me a lifetime. EVERYONE seemed to make me one and it seemed rude not to eat... it kind of reminded me of the Vicar of Dibley Christmas dinner episode for you Brits out there!
Anyway, I feel pretty good overall, a tiny bit sad at not hearing from him and also recovering from a slight hangover and lack of sleep.
H update, no happy birthday text. To be honest I think he's forgotten. He sent me a text yesterday in response to my text sent on Wednesday about breakfast next week saying -
"Hi. I was wondering if you'd like to meet at (our favourite chain of breakfast restaurants) in Marylebone on Tuesday? I've got a half-price voucher!"
He then sent one 45 mins later saying "for breakfast I mean".
I thought that was a small chink in the armour. He obviously reassessed the text which means he thought about it and he has tried not to show any weakness and I see that as showing a bit of a weakness in the facade. I know it probably means nothing but it kind of says to me that he is playing some kind of game in the waiting to reply to me stakes. It is a huge form of control as he knows that it used to majorly bother me if things weren't organised and he didn't respond.
Well, I haven't replied yet as I thought he could wait a bit. I'll probably text back tonight - should I just ignore the fact it's my birthday, I think it would be a 180 to show that I'm not bothered if he does realise. He has yet to tell me a time (it is like pulling teeth having to do this) to meet. The other good thing is that he is coming over to my work area of London to have breakfast; it is a bit of a trek for him from his office and flat. He isn't making me do all the running like before. He could have easily said Kings Cross which is in the middle for both of us and he has chosen one of our fav restaurants although I don't read much into that.
I thought I could reply
'That sounds good, what time?'
Thanks everyone, and thanks for your birthday wishes :-) I've actually had the best birthday in about 4 years!
The blame stick is not such a bad thing as long as you know that is what you are doing. Like you said some times you just need to get it out. I know what you mean because I go down that road as well. Happy Birthday!! I just had mine as well and all I could think about were previous ones.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Glad your Birthday came off pretty nice....there is nothing wrong with eating too much cake. It is good that you learned something from your other Birthday eperience. I had been on the receiving end like your H was a couple years back. Things like that can degenerate pretty quickly.
We all deserve to enjoy our Birthday....my next one is the big 4-0 ughhh......lol
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
You know, you are right situations can degenerate pretty quickly and to be honest I have been thinking (and analysing which I know is very unusual for me! :-) and actually it was a kind of 50/ 50 situation. He did put work before my happiness and he did state at one point that he really had been too busy at work to organise anything for my birthday which was pretty hurtful. It was only when I kicked up a huge fuss that he bought the Wicked tickets. He saw it as solving the problem, I saw it as him not caring and because I'd had to ask for his time and demand the tickets they didn’t mean anything to me. I think I just blame myself so I then think that if it was my entire fault then I can fix it.
I have come to the conclusion that this is exactly the kind of situation I am going to avoid from now on as misunderstandings can degenerate so quickly and beyond all proportion. That is why I am going to try and use tomorrows meeting to get a dialogue in place. I am going to do a 180 and talk about a situation at my work. He loves talking about work and thinking back we used to discuss it all the time before. But now, because that normally gets my back up because it is the first thing he asks (and I resent his work), I usually dismiss the conversation instantly but this time I am actively going to engage him. He should feel like he has helped me to fix a problem by the end of the conversation which I think he genuinely will do as I have always respected his opinion in the past (until he left). If he doesn't seem to want to engage with me over that I'll leave it but it is worth a try, and then we can talk about the house...
But please remember that what happened is only 50% our responsibility, and no more.