Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Hope4us struggle, part 6

The naked thing confuses me. Once is an accident, it has happened too many times to be an accident. I'd either start locking the door or walk in on her one time and she what her reaction is.

Just dont pursue here! I dont think you should push her away either but for now she has to make that first step.

Maybe she's just horny. If she is, why doesn't she just say "I want to F, it won't mean anything".

That I could do.

LOL.

I'm not even joking. No strings attached. That I could do.

It would only complicate things. I would only advocate it WITH strings, actually.

I know what you mean Pup. That's why I mentioned that if she came to me and said she wanted to ML I wouldn't be ready, not yet. I want some kind of commitment from her first. Not a "I'm here for good and everything is ok", but maybe "I really want to work on this and ML is one of the first steps".

So last night I kept up with my active listening and detaching at the same time. WW had sent me some IM's yesterday afternoon saying her boss is being a real knob today. I told her she could tell me all about it when we got home. And she did. She talked for probably an hour straight with just a few comments from me. I validated all I could. She told me about any upcoming plans she had, i.e. Hair appt tonight, shopping Wed or Thurs, etc. And she was laughing, smiling more than she has in a long time. Leaning over the counter talking to me which was killing me cause the girls were looking me right in the face. But that creeping suspision sets in and wonders why so happy/upbeat? Is it because it's been 3 months of NC and she's finally getting through WD or is it because there's been contact and OM is playing her again?

But here's where I'm a little confused. We need a new bath towel bar and I was going to go look for one last night. I asked WW if she wanted to go along and pick it out because she's a lot more picky about that stuff than I am. She asked where I was going. I told her to Lowe's. She asked which one (we have 2 equal distances from us) and I said I thought to the one to the south. She replies "ok, you just go". Then she said something about the shopping Wed or Thurs which would be to the stores North of us. Was she going to go along and actually take me shopping with her if I'd have said the Lowe's to the north? If so, why didn't she just say? Is she so hung up on us being together all the time (her big complaint through all this) that she didn't want to change my plans because that would mean I would be changing my plans for her? Hope that makes sense.....

Anyway, I went, couldn't find anything that would work for us so I went home. She talked some more, and in my best DB fashion, when there was a break in the talk I picked up my book to read. She turned on that stupid Bachlorette show and I told her I was going to the bedroom to watch T.V. without saying goodnight.

So of course this morning, right on que she comes into the bedroom/master bath before I'm out of the shower. More and more it seems like she's slowly working herself back into the "couples place".

Then first thing this morning she's sending me more IM's. Granted they're work related, but things seem to be making progress....

Get home from work tonight and WW is quiet. I told her the top she had on looked nice (it's new) and she just shook her head yes without looking at me. I asked her if her boss was any better today and she said he was ok in a pretty quiet voice. So I thought, ok, she's pulling back again, I'll just let her alone. I started to go upstairs and she said to me "I fed the dog already". It was like she realized she was not being very receptive and wanted to change that. I told her thanks and went up and changed. Came down stairs and sat down to watch the news and she sat down and started talking. Just about little stuff, but I think she was really trying to make the effort even though she was down.

All in all I think it's good. She's down, but she's making the effort. I wonder if she's realizing what she's done and that's why she's down? Or she had a trigger at work and was feeling down, but made the effort when she realized how she was being.

I know I could be getting set up for the biggest fall ever, but it really seems like she's processing this more and more and as long as I continue to lovingly detach and GAL she'll get where we BOTH want to go, even if she doesn't realize it yet.

You know, I almost feel guilty that things seem to be going well. Not that everything is ok or that I don't know we still have a LOOOOONNNNGGGG way to go. With all the crap the last week or so on this board, I almost hate posting that it seems like we're making progress. Kat, Karen, S&S, SW, H4H, Jeff, LIS, TAL, Lodo and anyone else I missed, I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I feel for you guys more than you know. You all have helped me through some rough times (You too Pup!) and I'll forever be in your debt.

Of course I know I just jinxed myself there. Probably a huge bomb coming my way.

Update in the morning.

Don't get insomnia waiting for the shoe to drop. You do have a long way to go...however...it doesn't mean there is another bomb coming.

She is trying, you are trying, neither one of you should push too hard right now. (((hope)))

H4U,

I agree with you; things would appear to be going well for you. Your wife seems to be making a genuine effort.

Keep up the good work.

Puppy

I am happy for you, keep doing what gets you results.

kat