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How was Burton Cummings? Did he sing "These Eyes"? I love that song

I hope your H starts doing what is necessary. You are doing so well and you are so strong.

W2G - you are right on with your comments. I do feel H needs to DB me now. I made a lot of changes in myself but also need to see changes in H.

Jen - I also love the song and yes, he did play it last night. He sounded awesome.

Hi there, Addie!

Just wanted to check on you and give you a quick ((((hug))))!

Hi Stella - thanks for checking in on me.

Well the title of this thread is very deceiving because I am finding myself still very much on the rollercoaster ride. I've had a couple of really rough days. I cannot believe that the man I've been with for 18 years would ever be capable of what he's been doing. Since I moved away, he's been on a rampage.
First of all, I know that H is still contacting OW through email. It started up again a couple of days after I left. They've been emailing each other back and forth since she's away in another town doing research til August. There's not much to the emails. H is still wanting to talk to her about why the R ended but she is being quite dismissive. He's still pursuing her.
Secondly, H has made contact with his last very short lived EA (I think it was one-sided on H's part). Again someone half his age.
There's more. H has created an account on a dating site and personals to meet women. He has actually responded to a couple of ads via email.
I am having such a difficult time coping with all of this but would rather know what's going on. Here are some thoughts on this. Since I moved away, I've been very distant. H has tried to reach out but I've been unresponsive. I think this "rejection" has sent him over the edge and he's trying to reach out to any female that will give him attention.

A couple of days ago H sent me an email saying he's been reading the book "After the Affair". He said he now realizes how much he's hurt me, that I'm a remarkable woman and mother, that he misses ME very much (not just our S), that he misses the intimacy between us, that he would like to figure out if we could reestablish the honesty and trust we once had... He then goes on to state that he feels I don't understand his need for growth. He states some of his future goals and they again are all over the map (which made me angry). He remains very unfocussed. I responded with a positive email and I was a lot more responsive when I spoke to him on the phone yesterday.
My H is still so confused about EVERYTHING. On the one hand he's telling me all of the above, on the other hand he's out trying to meet other women half his age. I'm having such a hard time believing anything he says. I am devastated by what he's done lately.

Oh, (((((Addie)))))!

I'm so sorry...
I think you're right, he felt "rejected", got scared and instead of DBing you, returned to his old MLC ways. Wasnt it only a month or so ago that he signed up for his Motorcycle course? I beleive that he's still very much in the fog.

When my H was leaving after spending a month with us this summer, he said "ILY and always will" and "we're going to be together soon" and "I will come and visit before XMas" and guess what? Next thing I know there is Spider, they rent an apt together and H's telling our friends... Actually, I still don't know what exactly did he tell! I only know that he confessed to an A.

Last time he was here, he told me that after he finally confessed OW, he thought that our M was over and done with. That was when I went totally dark on him. He was calling me, remember? Once every two weeks, but he was calling nevertheless.

Addie, I hope that you have your friends around you now and it's more comforting for you. You have done everything right, everything you could to protect your S and yourself. Now all you can do is wait for H to emerge from his tunnel and convince you that MLC is over.

((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Stella, I do remember clearly all that you've been through and you've handled it remarkably well.

H is still in a fog and yes he took that motorcycle course just over a month ago. I think the rejection from OW and now his belief that I am rejecting him have sent him over the edge. He is in a very fragile state and is trying to get the attention of any woman to make him feel better.
Last night, although I was completely devastated and angry about all that has happened, I managed to get a hold of myself and had a pleasant conversation with H on the phone. I was much warmer than I had been for a couple of weeks. He responded in a positive manner. I also sent him a positive email in response to his email. I thanked him for all the nice comments about me and that I have also missed the intimacy we once shared and often think about whether we could have full honesty and trust restored in our R.
I'll see how he responds to all of this.

That must be it, Addie!

Let us know when you get his reply.

((((((hugs))))))

I received a BEAUTIFUL, heartfelt email from H in response to the email I sent him.
He states he is so very sorry for the pain he has caused me. That he's been foolish. He fell for the lies of someone as opposed to "believing in the beauty and caring that has always been right in front of him". He says that he wishes he could take back everything from the beginning of December on, then S and I would still be there with him. He goes on to say that he does not deserve my love, that he is not worthy of me and that I deserve someone who can be truly committed to me. He wants to be able to be that person but doesn't know if he can.

The tears are still rolling down my face.

Addie, the e-mail sounds GREAT!!!

Looks like H was relieved when he realized you're not going to throw in the towel! He was afraid to lose you (understandably so)and found a typical MLCer's solution to overcome his fear: dating site.

I hope he will make another step towards you now.

((((((Addie)))))

Thanks Stella!

I spoke to H on the phone last night. He repeated some of the same things to me that he wrote in his last email. I told him that I also wished the last 7 months could be erased but they can't and we do have to deal with what's happened. He said it's very lonely without me and S. H is actually all alone now, no family and only a couple of friends (except for the women he's trying to meet).
He sounded down or tired.