Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy 2008 = Crazy Year (Still)

No I do not think I have anything to lose. I must say I am still in shock this morning.

Not sure where or how to start. Suggestions?

I remember your wife being horribly afraid that you'd expose her affair to her family. Who still doesn't know at this point?

Is her OM married, and does his wife know?

What's the financial situation? I just re-read some of your old posts, and remember you saying how your wife was running up the bills buying new clothes and stuff, even though she's not bringing in much income. That needs to stop immediately, if you haven't already done so.

OMW will be contacted today. That was the plan is ww was the way she now is after the trip. As for finances, I think I may have to divert my pay to a separate account and only transfer what is needed to the joint to cover mtge, etc.

As for her family, we will all be at the cabin this weekend.

I do not for the life of me understand how she is one way for 3 days and then the wicked twin comes out. Oh wait, yes I do - she said last night that "this is all me".

I agree with what Puppy has said. EXPOSE. Sounds like to me she doesn't know what she wants and it's time for the push.

Exposure can jolt a wayward right out of the "this is all about me" state of mind. I would tell her that if she wants out, there's the door.

My WW told me on one occasion she wanted a divorce "it's what I want" and wanted to separate but "DS16 and I aren't going anywhere" so then I exposed to the kids and bam, one day later she wants to stick around and see if we can work it out. Don't know if it'll work or not, but we've got a chance.

LIS,

Did you ever confirm if she lied about who she was visiting up east?

YES, absolutely, have your pay diverted to a separate account, to protect yourself. Walkaway spouses have been known to deplete family's accounts and worse. LET HER KNOW this is what you're doing (only AFTER you've done it), in writing, and let her know that you will of course continue to meet ALL of the family's financial "needs" -- just not its "wants" (especially hers). If you want, I can provide you with a copy of the letter I sent to my wife last summer.

Do NOT warn her ahead of time that you're going to expose her affair, if that's in fact what you decide to do. Just do it, and do them all SIMULTANEOUSLY. Don't do this if you don't think you can handle the blowback; she will be LIVID, make no mistake.

She'll also get over it.

I really wish you had made these moves weeks ago, but it's not too late. Your wife sounds totally fogged out to me, and she simply is in no condition to be the one to be planning the agenda and the timeline here. It's best that someone who is the PRO-MARRIAGE one right now do that, so that means YOU.

Puppy

Puppy,
Thanks. With that darn 50 / 50 hindsight, I agree that I should have done this a couple weeks ago. I guess all I can do know is go full steam ahead.

Will keep you posted.

Lost,

Let me ask you two important questions, and please be honest:

1. Would you be exposing her affair out of anger, or spite? Or doing this as a tool with which to hopefully end her affair and return her to working at your marriage?

2. Are you emotionally prepared for her rage -- directly at YOU -- if you do this?

Just because this worked for me and some others, doesn't mean it's for everybody.

Puppy

H4U

Thanks. Will have to see what happens. This is a pain in the a$$, but you know that as well as I.

A lot would say I should have given up long ago. Heck, I am sure WW would absolutely love that. But that is not me. Maybe LIS should become Duck Dodgers or something like that.

If nothing else, I will go out in a good fight. The fight of my life...

I like it!

Puppy, if you could send your letter, would appreciate it.