Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with kids and a WW5

H4H,

I'm not advocating kicking her out, considering her health. Only that you lovingly re-stress, and enforce, your own boundaries.

I thought they were meeting for lunch and exchanging "ILYs". If I had that wrong, my bad, as I'm following a lot of different sitches lately.

Puppy

I don't know the conversations, I just see the text from him and he does tell her he loves her. She might tell him the same. She does not text him back. They were exchanging ILY's before last week. This I know.

I'm hoping her getting sick again has made her rethink things. At least about him. She has stated this.

As far as enforcing, I am in no position financially to D her. I can only tell her my boundaries. If she does not keep them, the only thing I can take away is me. My friendship. Being dark with her.

She'll have to do the dirty deeds.

If nothing, she will move out at the end of summer.

I have to save up for my D, hopefully early next year March/April, unless something drastic changes in her before then.

All we can do is take the high road, be the better person and be able to look back and know we did what we could.

Its a fine line between setting boundries/doing 180 stuff, and then trying to be there for them and then not feeling like you're being walked all over/taken advantage of. I know I've struggled with this at first and I still do to a extent. We want to let them know we are here for them and supportive, but will not accept OM. I put out the ultimate boundry, give up OM or leave. I'm the worse DB there is on these post. I don't know how you do it H4H

Keeping an eye on your post, I know you're doing the same for me.


Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'll find love again someday. I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. I'm a stubborn old German.

We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

There are ways to enforce boundaries short of divorcing her.

Jeff, same here. I will have to save the money. Problem is, I do not WANT to divorce her. If she wants it, then she'll have to do the dirty deed herself. In my mind, the only reason for me to D her is if she tried to take the girls away. Nothing less that 50/50 split is acceptable to me.

She told me a few weeks ago that she had had the L draft the paperwork for divorce. For some reason, she told her L to hold off. Wanted to give it the 7 months that she was going to sign the apartment lease for.

"But don't push me" was what she told me.

Feels like a missile aimed right at me.

Then everything calmed down. That was the second night of discussion after she finally told me about finding the apartment on a Saturday night. The night of drama with my kids.

I ok with her leaving. My goal is to try to get her to end things with OM. That is now my short term goal, more than anything else. If she leaves, then it can be with a clear mind.

Of course, my long term is to have her thinking about restoring the M. I'm not worried so much about our R. If we can get to working together, that will fall into place with some additional work.

I know that I have been having confusing actions lately. I also at the same time want to give her my best. Let her see ME. I might have a small window of opportunity and she may be a little vulnerable, right now. Maybe a LITTLE clear headed. At least a little bit.

And Puppy, I'll take some suggestions that you believe would be doable in my particular case.

Again, it seems like my sitch is a little different than most, and see glimmers of hope. I don't know if you see the same.

H4H

Not sure I am in the best position to offer suggestions for you, but what I have been doing is WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR ME. A lot of times, this goes outside true db techniques, but...

Keep your focus on your goal!

I think ya'll can see that I am comfortable with the things that I do. If I were to feel like I was being walked on, then things would change quickly.

I don't feel that way. But then again, sometimes it is hard to step outside and see with different eyes.

That is why I ask everyone here to comment on what THEY see. The reason for the long posts. Comment on if they think I'm doing the right things. Then I can sort through and pick.

Picked up roomie at the usual time. Small talk on the way home. I asked her if everyone was still trying to call her. She asked what I meant. I told her that her older sister called me again and I took the call this time. She has been ignoring her and so have I. I don't want to talk to her is she isn't.

She thanked me for talking to her. She told me that her and the girls had made arrangements to go eat Chinese food. I suggest going swimming first and then go eat. She agrees. Get them out a bit.

At home we get ready and go to health club. Family hour at the swimming pool. My first time there. We enjoy swimming. She says that I should check out the hot tub part, so we both sit together for a while. I check out the sauna and then back to hot tub and then pool again. We leave and the Chinese place is closed, so we decide on Wings to Go. We stand looking at menu above counter, deciding what to order. Shoulder to shoulder.

If you were watching us, you might mistake us for a husband and wife. Maybe even in love.

We all have fun eating and sharing food outside on a patio. I notice her kind of taking things in. At home, everyone bathed and to bed. We shower with doors ajar again. Roomie walks in on me. Gets something and stops at sink. I am in full view in mirror. Then she leaves. By the time I get out, she is in bed trying to fall asleep.

I'm gonna walk in on her next time and see what she says. Next time she walks in on me, I'm going to playfully splash her and see what happens. I wake and we are tangled up again. Our legs. She stirs, notices and adjusts her legs to her side of bed.

Damn.

This morning, she wants to drive herself. I can't stop her. I'm a little quiet with her this morning. Can't overdue things.

Maybe I'll send another funny email today.

Hmmmmmm....so hard to know what to do with her...everything is so different....she's going to leave OM, she wants to leave you, she's home cause she has too,......very hard to figure out.....I guess I would not pursue, but give attention. You wouldn't want the OM being the only one giving her the little texts and "I will always love you" messages. Let her know how much you love her ....but give her space.......don't push.....she's told you that. My two cents h4h.

Lost,

The problem with that is, in order to be effective at this you will often find yourself having to do the most counterintuitive things you've ever had to do. Reach WAY outside of your comfort zone.

So I think there's a BIG difference between:

"I don't know, this just doesn't 'feel' like the way I would normally handle something like this; this isn't for me", and

"I know this will be hard, and very unlike me (might even represent a total "180"), but intuitively, I know it's the right thing to do."

I'd encourage both of you (hell, I'd encourage EVERYONE) to go by "Do the right thing, at any given moment, no matter how hard or scary it is", rather than "do what FEELS right."

Puppy