Yes I think it did come out but he won't ever admit that.
I'll try to keep up some mystery. Trying different things.
Right now I feel kind of ditsnce there is just so much going on right now.
A friend of h's had surgery for colon cancer and H has been helping him. He had an appt yesterday and H wanted ro take him as he is all alone but, had to work. Soooo he mentioned maybe OW would take him. this bothers me because in a way I feel that there is still talking going on between them. Don't know what to do about that be sides sit on it for a while. Iv'e told him no contact except work and only when neccesary but he is still telling me her not talking bothers him. This tells me that he is willing to walk all over the boundry that i set.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Iv'e told him no contact except work and only when neccesary but he is still telling me her not talking bothers him. This tells me that he is willing to walk all over the boundry that i set.
I never understand my H's relationship w ow. He broke it off so many times, but he, too, felt bad when they couldn't be "just friends". I always thought no contact was best for healing for everyone. I can't recall if you guys have talked about counseling. Would your H go with you? Was the book After the Affair helpful at all?
[/quote] I never understand my H's relationship w ow. He broke it off so many times, but he, too, felt bad when they couldn't be "just friends". I always thought no contact was best for healing for everyone. I can't recall if you guys have talked about counseling. Would your H go with you? Was the book After the Affair helpful at all? [/quote]
This baffles me too. H seems to feel bad that he is not her 'friend' anymore. I agree that no contact is best for everyone to move on...even the skanky OW! The quicker she is over H the faster she can find another sucker!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[/quote] This baffles me too. H seems to feel bad that he is not her 'friend' anymore. I agree that no contact is best for everyone to move on...even the skanky OW! The quicker she is over H the faster she can find another sucker![quote]
MAT,SO2,
This baffles me too. I do think it is best that they cut contact as it gives them the space needed to get over the fantasy of the OW.
H refuses to go to counceling. IF it ever came down to an ultimatum I might request this but for right now i'll leave it alone.
Ow's B-day is coming up and this and Christmas is the only time I allow myself to snoop into the secret hiding spot to see if there are any gifts. If there were H would recieve the ultimatum. Im'e ready for that as I will not put up with the gift giving and he knows it. I am willing to wait a while for him to work out his issues but not the gift giving as that would tell me he is working in there R not ours.
Still being his cheer leader. Haven't had time to ourselves though.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I know but that is the only time I bother to look. I had set that boundry and when I did I meant it so that is the only reason I do look to make sure that it is being honored.
He is lucky that I am being patient enough to except that even though he is not supposed to talk to her he is upset that she won't talk to him. He hasn't though about the fact that he isn't supposed to have contact at all except for work ansd only when neccesary. I do realize that he needs time to get over her but how long does it take. I feel myself starting to slowly slip away.
H is back to not wanting to do things that he enjoyed last year, like Bow shooting. Iv'e asked him to put the targets out so that we/I can shoot but he hasn't. Last night he said he really doesn't feel into it. Tomorrow when I get home from work I will set them up myself and go out to shoot alone.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Well when H left for work this morning he went out to his other truck and pulled a white item out that looked like a card and quietly put the cover down. Don't think he knew I would be looking out the window. Anyway I went right out into the garage and looked in the window of the truck he was driving and did not see what he took out. I think he may have put it in the compartment.
I feel that it was a card for her and when he does stuff like this I can tell as he gets very lovey toward me, and he did last night.
What to do
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I can so relate to the "friends" thing, it is aggravating. How can they be supposedly working on the M and yet trying to keep an R of ANY kind going with the OW?? I can relate on the BD thing too. My H actually thought it would be OK to go to her BD party/dinner. Are you kidding me??? He was sneaky about it, just said he was "going to dinner with friends" and I remembered what date it was.
Anyway - just wanted to say I can totally empathize!!
Part of me wants to say "ignore the bad, focus on the good" - but on the flip side, totally ignoring that nagging "something's up" feeling can be a bad idea. Do you think you could (calmly) discuss your concerns with H and remind him of that boundary? Tell him that you remembered her BD is coming up and you're feeling anxious about it? Not an ultimatem, just a telling him how you're feeling. Just a thought.. it would be a tough convo I know.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I feel that it was a card for her and when he does stuff like this I can tell as he gets very lovey toward me, and he did last night.
What to do
My H does the same thing. He was overly lovey to me and tons of ILY's only to find out he had been with OW or talked to her! Must be the guilt or them trying to keep you happy so you won't investigate.
I think the sickest thing was when I was 4 weeks from giving birth to our daughter H disappeared and nobody could find him. We thought he was in an accident. When he came home he was so sweet and loving. Come to find out a few hours later that he spent the time having sex with OW!
I am not saying your H is doing that at all, but when this stuff is in your mind its hard to get over.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
