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Your right nice is better than the altrnate but I just hate this rollercoaster ride. Also I might just be reading to much into everything. Her sister went on vacation and maybe she is carring her cell phone around to talk to her. Who knows I just wish I had the trust in her that I use to.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my insecurites. I know your sitch is in a worse place than mine so I really do appriciate it. I just need to get thru the next week and hopefully I will be better after next Sunday.

My sitch is what it is. I will be Ok.

Hopefully someone can learn from me.

Last night I took my D to the movies and when I got home I was in a funk. I was short with her and she asked if I was mad at her. I said I was tired and my back hurt from all the landscaping I was doing. I went upstairs to read and she came up a short time later to get me some Bengay and a heating pad.

This morning I emailed her and apologized for being short with her last night and that I was just down because of it being my b-day. She wrote me back and said that "it is just a number and that things are looking up for me. I should be happy and not depressed."

Not sure how to take this, does she mean because of work, our R or both. It is a very vague statement but I will have to go with work because she said "you" and I see no improvements in our R and nothing to make me think things are looking up in that aspect.

I think that's how you should take it and that's how she wants to see you.



You should not have let her see down on your B-day. You should have told her you did not feel good because your back hurt and left it at that.



I see improvements and I'm sure others do too. She could have let you lay in misery but she did bring you a bit of comfort. She wants you to be happy. She could be wishing death and destruction on you or spitting venom.

No expectations. That's the key.

baby steps and patience.

Thanks Mike,

Just needed someone to say stop this self pitying, move on and keep a PMA. I know I screw up with letting her see my down but I just could not help it. Will do much better tonight.

Listen man, I know better than anybody here where you are. I have been where you are.

You have to be ready at all times and not let your guard down. I hate to put it like that but it's the truth.

Just keep doing what your doing. Be pleasent, considerate. be transparent. Be a good husband. We were all good husbands at one time or they would not have married us. We lost it along the way and they miss it. We need to get that back.

That's the key..

Last night was interesting. My wife had bought me some clothes for my birthday that were nice but not really what I wanted. She said if I don't like them that I could take them back. I told her I would like to exchange them and then she proceeeds to say that she does not understand why. She said I have been buying your clothes for all these years and now you don't like what I buy you. Maybe I should not buy clothes for you anymore.

I told her I always like the clothes she has bought me but I have alot that look like these and just want something different.

She then says that I can buy my own clothes if I want to and since I have been going to the mall and Kohls so much lately it seems strange for a guy who only ever went shopping three to four times a year. She wanted to know why I was there again on Monday night.

I told her I was there to look at stuff for work and clothes. Actually she wants a silver watch for her b-day and I was looking for that but I could not tell her that. And when I am vague she just keeps pressing me for why I was there. Its hard to deflect these questions, I am going to just say from now on that I am going into the office.

I also told her the reason I am shopping so much is that I needed to get nicer clothes for my new job because all I wore at the last job was jeans and a polo and now I want to look nicer and that requires me to shop more.

I told her I was sorry for upsetting her but she said she wasn't. We talked for about another half hour and then I went to bed.

I still felt bad this morning so after I took a shower she was in bed and said morning. I told her I was sorry for hurting her feelings last night and that I always liked the clothes she bought for me.

She said I did not and "you worry to much honey, take them back and get what you want."

I told her to have a good day and left for work.

I am just not sure if I should have just said I really like them and been done with it or if telling her the truth was better. Hopefully the latter and her feelings really are not hurt because that is not what I wanted to do.

She really said, "whether you like them or not i want you to keep them because I went to a lot of trouble to pick this stuff out." "I've done it before and you've not complained, now you are, What's up with that??"



Sometimes when a guy buys new clothes or starts cleaning himself up a W will get uneasy thinking he is putting himself out there..looking for something on the side. Assure her these are work clothes.



I would tell her I'm shopping. I would not lie to her. If you lie and say you're going to the office and she checks and your not there then she will be pissed and assume you are "out there".



It's good that you apologized..She was upset, if she wasn't then she would not have said anything about it.



Saying sorry once is good, twice is better. Now don't apologize for this again. Twice is enough. Drop it now. if she brings it back up, listen and validate.



I am going to ask you to "bend" here. I think you should keep some of it..wear it for her. You don't have to keep all of it. Go buy what you like.



This would have been acting "as if"



You've apologized, now move forward, continue on, and forget about it unless she brings it up again..Then Listen and validate.

I knew I FU after I said it. I was trying to figure out a way to keep either the pants or shirt but right now I am not sure how to do it. DB says to do 180 and buying my own clothes is and so is going to the mall and shopping for unique gifts for her. But it seems that when I do them she wants to know what I am doing and why. Its hard to not tell her but also be vague.

As far as her thinking that I am putting myself out there might not be a bad thing. Maybe she will start to notice that I am attractive to other women and make her a little bit jealous.

I don't know, I keep telling her its for work but I do want her to notice me and it would be nice if she would say I look good. I compliment her all the time when she is wearing new clothes and look good. I guess its juse ego and needing her to notice me.

You did not FU. Have you read Men are from Mars/women are from Venus?? You may want to read it. Women think different and speak a diffdernet language. The book would help you understand why I think she meant what she meant.

Don't panic based on my post and don't get down. Keep doing the 180's. I did not say don't shop. I said shop but reaasure her that you are doing it for you and your new job.



She is noticing. She's making comments to you about it. If she did not notice she would not say anything.

Don't expect her to compliment you.

We can stroke your ego here..

Don't get down, you handled it well. I'm just pointing things out to you. You're doing great, better than great IMO..

Now, put a smile on your face and get out there and make YOU better.