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H4H

Great stuff. Remember to watch yourself though.

I'm rooting for you...

Same to you, lis. I'm keeping up with you, too. I was going to ask you...how can you be sure that W is in an EA.

I mean, it DOES sound like it. Things she says and does sound like script, like Puppy says. But it doesn't seem like you have enough "info" or maybe done enough "recon".

Just wanting you to be sure.

Wouldn't it be nice that we could just ask our W's and have them give a truthful answer. One way or the other.

H4H,

She has confirmed that they are still communicating by phone. He is her 1st love from when she was 17 She called him her soul mate She "loves him"

Anyway, you are right, no proof. That is why I can hopefully talk to OMW at some point. Recon is tough with enabling gf close by - she will go there if need be.

Feel like I am back at the point I was 3 weeks ago in some ways. BUT in others I am so much farther ahead as far as I go. She is aware that I am no longer honoring my "keep it between us" promise and that is, I think, making her edgy at times. She still goes into her shell at nights (reads for a bit and then early to sleep). Even D10 stays up later than WW now.

Oh well, I have been here before and will be for some time I think.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled H4H thread...

Not a whole lot in the H4H household.

Picked up roomie from work, ON TIME. Talked a little. I try to initiate the conversation as usual. Quick stop to pick up some cream for D6. She seems to be in a funky mood. She is tired and at home, ends up falling asleep after dinner and a phone call to her little sister. She still doesn't have her other phone in her purse, I find. I get kiddo's to bed and lay on bed with roomie and fall asleep myself while watching tv.

This morning, I am up first and walk around the house. Nephew gets up to tell me he tried calling roomie last night. He needed a ride. I go check her phone. Ringer is still off from work. She missed a ton of calls last night. MIL, both of her sisters, her aunt in Laredo. I check her texts.

Lunch with OM yesterday verified. Unless she erases them, no texts to him. Only his to her. I would think she would erase his, too, if she was trying to hide them.

Three of them.

First one early:
What time is ur lunch

Second around lunch time:
Im out side

Last one around 3pm:
Im heading to work, my luv
I love you and always will

PUUKKKKEEEE!!

I wake her up and we are getting ready. I ask if she wants some lunch or does she have lunch covered. "I have lunch covered."

There goes my mood, again. So I'm quiet, again. Not sad, but a bit angry. Some of that anger is towards myself.

While getting ready, I tell her what nephew said. I tell her that she sure had a LOT of activity on her phone yesterday and I tell her she still had her ringer off. She had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand and it had fallen on the floor. She laughed at herself for leaving the ringer off. She is trying to involve me with her being a dork for forgetting. I don't really bite. She knows that I must have looked at her phone.

She didn't catch what I meant and was really trying to tell her.

We leave and I'm still quiet. She calls her aunt and they talk a bit. Family BS. She is trying to joke with me a little. She gives me a little of thier conversation. I don't say much. She says, "Your quiet."

I tell respond a little. I tell her that her aunt shouldn't be involving her so much in the family BS so much. "You have enough crap to deal with in your life", I tell her.

She got quiet after that.

Taking her to work, I am being as upbeat as possible. We are early and I ask if she wants some coffee or if she is hungry. She says yes. We forgot to make coffee at home. I stop at Krispy Kreme. She picks out some donuts and I decline.

But I did take the free sample

She offers to pay. We make our coffees and go. At her work, she hesitates and then says, "Well, you have a good day." She looks directly into my eyes. Guilty look. I look directly back at her and tell her to do the same.

I think I had my puppy dog eyes. Maybe her guilt will overcome her thinking.

I think in her mind, she is still able to have lunch with the guy. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just lunch. Are others that dumb?

I need to remind her of my boundary. I will see how things are going in about 2 to 3 weeks. If she is still seeing him, I will tell her that she can't wait until the end of summer to go.

Thinking.
I have to wait out the next couple of months. It will lead where it leads. I have to still take care of her for now. Be the best that I can be. Take care of myself and my kids and her.

I can't let my emotions control my actions. She doesn't contact him while at home. He does not contact her while she is home. No contact on the weekends, unless she is alone. There might be a small chance that the contact they are having is her trying to tell him what she knows she has to do concerning them.

She has said that he is persistant, like me. Hopefully, he can man up and do the right thing.

If she still decides to leave, then so be it. I was prepared for it already.

I know the contact is going on about a year now. I figure the EA began about last July or August.

What the F is two more months?

People keep telling me that they see hope for us. Like I do.

Thoughts?

Yes, I see sooooooo much hope. Please don't give up on her. If she is trying to end it, let her end it. She said she was. Use the last 2 months to fight for her in the best way possible. That is what OM is doing I can bet you. Your fight may look very different than OM's. That's ok. You are married to her, and you are doing what is right. OM will be saying things like "you would be so happy with me", "I will love you no matter what", "I will always be here for you", "I understand you". Let him tell her all that....but you can SHOW her!

Hugs.

wdid, I know the actions that I will do. At least as far as I treat her.

In your opinion, what type of things should I be saying to her?

I do not tell her I love her. I give a sporadic compliment here and there. Slight pursuing, like I have been thinking?

Keep up the light emails? A little more often as long as I am getting a positive response, like yesterday?

I would like to hear your thoughts.

I would like to hear anyone's thoughts about this.
Points and counter points are welcome.

Like Jeff said, she is still at home. I see it as an opportunity.

You said once she agreed to some counseling????? Now would be the time.

H4H,

Something to consider:

If it takes 2-3 weeks to enforce, it's not much of a boundary.

When are you going to stop walking on eggshells around your wife? If you don't do it for YOU, then at least do it for HER -- her behavior is damned near killing her.

Puppy

Puppy,

She has admitted to me that she knows that she has to end it. Even if it is just for now. Her thinking is that it would be, not for us, but for her. Her peace of mind. She knows her guilt. That is what I took away from our last discussion.

ASSUMING this to be true(yes, I know the saying), then I will let her do it her way. That MAY be what she is doing right now.

We can then have a talk in about 2 weeks to evaluate what she is doing or has done. I can always check and validate. There was really not contact with him all week last week. He found out of her illness by my ex SIL. He made several attempts to contact her and she only texted him once to tell him she is ok.

I am going to give the benefit of the doubt.

I can't kick her out and I will not abandon her at this time. That is not who I am.

I don't disount what you say and I do understand what you are telling me. My sitch just has so many twists and turns.