Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again And the rollercoaster continues #2

Kris - You can do this. You need to do this. The anxiety of seeing the L is much worse than the reality. I'm so sorry your H is putting you through all of this but he is the one with the problem, not you. He obviously has committment issues to say the least. Let him spin in the disaster of his own making. He won't be content in this life he is creating for himself. You're only responsibility is to yourself.

Again, I'm so sorry he has chosen this path but you will find your strength through this experience. It's good that you have a group of friends that you socialize with every week. That's an enormous help.

((((((((((Kris))))))))

Thanks for checking in on me husband and mishka.

I do need to do this. I know he has the problem. I truly believe he will regret the path he has chosen. I think he knows that, but for whatever reason he is self destructing.

I don't think the lawyer friend of mine even knew I was married. I didn't meet him until after I moved back and I just never mentioned because at the time H lived in TX and had filed. When he came back, I don't know why I didn't mention...but I didn't. Anyway, he sounded kind of shocked when I told him I needed a D, and I felt kind of embarassed.

Now I wish I had called someone I didn't know. This won't be hard finacially speaking. All of our posessions are already split, our savings accounts and bank accounts are split. We have the house together but I pay for all of that and it is for sale so I don't know how that will work. We don't have any equity in it, it will probably cost me when it sells, but H doesn't have the money to cover any of it. The car is in both our names. He won't be able to get it in his name only and I am afraid it won't sell (SUV...BAD gas mileage). I can afford to take it, but it would be stretching myself to thin and I REALLY don't want it so I am not sure what to do about that.

Things just went from one extreme to the other so fast.

((((((Kris)))))))

Take it one day at a time.

You will get through this too.

Your friend was surprised, but that's fine. It's not bad to ask a friend for help. Saying you should hav etalked to a stranger is the grass on the other side of the fence. There are cons to that as well.

Don't try to make sense of it right now, just take care of yourself.

Thanks Michelle. I know I will get through this, I have done it once.

I called one of my friends today, she doesn't live here, but will be in the wedding too. I told her everything. She didn't even know about H's affair. I tried not to tell people because I didn't want it to be an issue if I forgave him. I don't think I will be forgiving him now. She really helped. It is really hard for me to tell people about this, I guess it makes me feel like a failure. I know that is not true, but still how I feel.

I told her that I felt like a fool for chosing to marry someone who could treat me this way. She said I am not a fool and there is no way I could have known. She said it could happen to anyone. I know all this, but it just helps to hear it sometimes.

I think I have about decided to go the wedding by myself. H will make it awkward, and I think it would be inappropriate to take the other guy that volunteered at this time. Not ready for the questions. I think my friends there (and here ) will be able to help me through this.

Sounds like a plan.

It is always nice to have friends.

(((Kris))) Try and enjoy the rest of your week.

Well, the fact that I don't have to work friday will help the rest of my week!

Also I may be going to Atlanta for work the week after next for a whole week...so that would be good for me to get away from here for a little bit. Won't know for sure until tomorrow.

Anybody got any good ideas for a maid of honor speech???

I think I am going to try and telecommute Friday. It would be a lot nicer.

Atlanta would be a nice break.

I don't envy you writing that speech. "Sometimes true love means hanging in and holding on" lol I saw that on a card the other week and definitely empathized. The picture was of a couple hanging onto the clothesline and each other during a storm.

You going for serious or funny?

Gonna try to do a little of both. I have been friends with the bride since 7th grade and we were college roommates.

Been friends with the groom since before they started dating...about 8 years ago I guess. He actually asked me out first, lol.

Not looking forward to the speech, but it will be at the rehearsal dinner....so I don't think as bad as doing it at the actual wedding.

Rehearsal dinner is way better. It'll go great, especially with wine!

(((Kris)))

LOL!

(((((((Kris)))))))

Just caught up with your sitch. As you know, I've been going through a very rough patch with my own, so I've fallen behind with many of the tremendous people here, including you, and you were the first one who was really there for me when I came to Piecing a few months back. (((((((Hugs)))))))

I am very sorry to hear the latest. To say the least, I was extremely shocked - totally flabbergasted - when I read about there being a new OW and how you came to find out. I could not imagine what that must have been like for you, but I can certainly feel the pain and anger you must have gone through at that moment. (((((((More hugs)))))))

I think your H's anger is his way of dealing with the hurt, guilt, and disgust he must feel towards himself. It must be too unbearable to deal with, therefore, it is easier to turn the blame around on to you and whoever else he feels he can. It makes what he's done easier to cope with. For him; not for anyone else.

Back in 2005, I was to be the matron-of-honor at my SIL's wedding, but then the bomb hit, and I just wasn't in the mental/emotional condition I needed to be in to be there for SIL. Luckily at the time, her wedding was still a year away, and after talking to her about stepping down as her matron-of-honor (that was a really hard thing for me to do - she was always like a little sister to me), she totally understood and asked her SIL to take my place.

Anyway, I'm glad for you that your speech will be during the rehearsal dinner. I think with it being that way, it might be easier for you to get through.

(((((((My thoughts are with you)))))))