Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Hope4us struggle, part 6

Thanks guys. It really means a lot.

WW got home from her salon appt and was kind of over her mini-funk. She came in and started messing around on the internet. She was looking at houses online and I thought, oh no, maybe I was a little premature in my previous post, but then I realize that WW always is looking at houses online when she see's them for sale in the neighborhood. It's like a new house goes up for sale and she has to see what it looks like inside. She then starts sharing news she's reading from our hometown newspaper and talking about her 30th class reunion this summer and how she probably won't even go. Talked about some of her class mates and how the lady that's running it husband died a few years ago, etc.

Another pretty decent evening. We both fell asleep on the couch. She in her "bed" and me on the recliner part. When I got up to go to bed I asked her if she wanted me to turn off the light and she said "yes" and then "thank you" when I did. I told her she was welcome. WTF? Actually being polite to me? Another good sign.

This morning, right on que she comes into the master bath as I'm getting out of the shower. This morning I decided the heck with it, I wasn't going to put on any undies until I was ready and she stood right next to me brushing her teeth, etc while I was in full glory. Another good sign. This mini-retreat from right after work yesterday was over VERY quickly.

I know I'm not going to push anything. I feel pretty good that she seems to be making more and more progress, but that stinkin thinkin just creeps in and has me expecting the worst. Oh well, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and enjoy the relative peace and quiet and good conversations.

I forgot one other good thing I've noticed. WW is not locking her cell phone anymore. She'll leave it laying around without it being locked for periods of time. Now don't get me wrong, she's not leaving it where I can look at it if she's not around, but she seems to have gotten past the locking her phone everytime she sets it down phase.

Another good sign that she's progressing. Of course she just might be not worried about me looking at it because she doesn't leave it alone long enough for me to look at it, but on the other hand, maybe she has nothing to hide and she realizes how stupid it is to lock it.

Nicely done. These are exactly the kind of AOSs that a betrayed spouse should do to replace their ILYs and needy/grabby stuff.

Kudos.

Puppy

P.S. I think it's a good sign that she doesn't want to go to her reunion.

Thanks Pup. I'm not sure it's a big deal about her reunion. We've only went to one since we've been married. She went to a pretty large school and really only had a couple of friends in H.S. and doesn't really keep in touch with them now.

I could see her maybe going so she can show off the "new her". But I don't really see a harm if she does go. Heck, she might even ask me to go with her. But I really doubt she'll go. She's just not into that fake crap that goes on at reunions. You know how the guy who does air brush paintings at county fairs tells you he's a professional artist?

Anyway, I agree with you on the AOS. It's funny, I think I see her responding even when I mow the yard without letting the grass get too long. She's all about appearances ya know. So I'm mowing tonight!

I just think that "going to old high school reunions" is one of the signs of a fogged-out, wayward mind. Certainly not for everyone, and it wouldn't mean much if she DID want to go, but NOT wanting to go, to me, struck me as yet another positive sign.

Puppy

You're probably right it's a good sign Pup. She's always had issues with her H.S. class. When we first met the couple that was in charge of the reunion lived right across the hall from her in the apartment complex and she didn't even get an invite.

So the exact conversation last night was "Oh, my 30th reunion is Aug 8 and 9. If I don't get an invite, F em, I'm not going. Probably won't go even if I get an invite since we're leaving on vacation 4 days later". I said "It might be fun with what they're planning" and she said "yeah, maybe" in a pretty sarcastic voice, so I'm pretty sure she won't go, but again, if she does, I don't see it being a big deal. She probably wouldn't want to go and have everyone ask about "us" and have to explain the situation.

But again, it's over a month away and maybe we'll be a "couple" again by then, but even if we are I don't picture her going.

I agree, her statements talking about it is possibly another good sign.

I kind of hate to keep posting that we had another really good night, but we did. WW IM'd me late in the day and said she was going to go shopping after work, but some nasty storms were coming so she decided to skip it. I told her I was going to get home as quickly as I could because the lawn needed mowed and I needed gas for the mower and did she want a sub (there's a sub shop in the gas station). She replied "that would be nice".

So I ran home, got gas and subs, mowed the yard and we spent the night talking and talking (mostly her talking and me listening). She started watching that stupid "so you think you can dance show" but instead of me going upstairs to watch T.V. I went out and sat on the deck and messed with the dog instead. She came out a number of times to talk to me about other things on her mind and that was nice.

She came into the master bath right on que this morning like she has for the last week. Now is when I need to really be patient because I feel myself thinking, "Ok, it's obvious we're getting along pretty well, now admit you F'd up and lets fix this", but I know I can't do that.

TIME, TIME, TIME.

WHY DOES SHE KEEP WALKING IN ON YOU WHEN YOU'RE NAKED?????

That's just freaking me out. Lock the damned door, LOL.

Puppy

Not on your life...and here's why.

Back after I found out about the affair, we pretty much kept our morning routine which was her showering and then me. We would cross paths in the bathroom and when I got out I'd stand at the vanity and comb my hair before putting on undies. After her first weekend trip to see OM she started leaving the vanity area when I got out of the shower (shower/commode is separate room from vanity) to go to the other bath upstairs to get ready until I was out of the vanity area. Then she'd return there. After I started getting up before her she would wait until I came downstairs before going up to get ready.

So I see this as a big step forward that she's getting comfortable enough around me that she comes into the bedroom/bathroom while I'm getting ready, even without clothes. So, no....she can come in all she wants. I think it's just that she's making the transition back to "us" and that's a GOOD thing.

Sure, if it just HAPPENS. But don't you think she's intentionally walking in on you at THAT EXACT MOMENT??? Your posts certainly seem to indicate as much. That's just weird, to me.

Oh well.