I had a wonderful weekend, did what I wanted when I wanted, spent hours at the pool, per the girls request. Worked yesterday but then took the girls to my family's side for dinner. Got them home in time for them to see H when he got off work. They worked for hours on art projects for him. I didn't buy him anything. I wished him a very happy father's day and helped the girls make a cake. H was quiet, but enjoyed his gifts, especially a page long letter my beautiful D6 wrote all by herself.
H went to a family function on his side on Saturday night (engagement party for his closest brother). I am very happy he went. I have done no fixing or encouraging for him to get close to his family again, this has been on his own. I didn't ask how it went either. He needs to be healthy and in a good place to continue to be a good father.
I haven't mentioned his call to OW.
I feel bad for my roommate from college (the one running with me this Saturday). Her and her stbX were in mediation and her H has gotten horrible, refusing to agree, using the kids against her, etc. She had to hire her own attorney. Makes me soooo grateful to be at peace with H, and I pray it stays that way.
Having serious hunches that OW and H are talking, maybe seeing each other. Just have the little proof that H called OW the other night, don't even know if they talked. But my hunches are never wrong. Odd things here and there.....
None of my business. None of my business. Did I mention its none of my business?
Until the kids are involved.
Even then, after D, that wouldn't be my business. H has readily agreed to not introduce anyone into their lives for a year following D (it will be in writing), I have to trust this also means OW.
My brain needs to tell my heart that nothing in the big picture has changed. H still wants out, still wants this D. It just hurts more if OW will be in his future. I could take another woman in his life, because the betrayal wouldn't be there (for both H and OW). I will work through this. A smart woman (hi SallyM!) told me that I got the 'prize H', OW would be getting the broken, lost man that he is today. I don't want that man.
Makes me soooo grateful to be at peace with H, and I pray it stays that way.
I know what you mean. It's funny how we can now find peace by settling for any amicable breakup... since it sure beats an all-out war. A year ago this would have been unthinkable.
But maybe you too are realizing that perhaps God is making plans to take our spouses out of our lives should they fail to wake up in time and recognize their errant paths -- that if D does come to pass despite all our best efforts it will be used by the Lord for our own salvation in a very difficult, undesirable situation. Perhaps God wants to insulate us from the damage these spouses insist on inflicting on themselves and others. Perhaps we are being given the obligation to stand independent and strong, as His earthly sanctuary for our children should their other parent crash and burn in sin and selfishness, as they seem want to do.
I've said it before, He has given you Nerves of Steel, Lwb. You've weathered H's worst and have grown strong for it. You will make it for your DD's sake, and they are very lucky to have you.
lwb: My brain needs to tell my heart that nothing in the big picture has changed. H still wants out, still wants this D. It just hurts more if OW will be in his future.
This drives me up the wall too, I know how you feel, see my post its full of bitterness and anger with W and OM
Some things in your big picture have chnaged for the better. I believe you have a run this weekend, you'll do great. You are moving on with your life, its going to be great
I have to remember about asking W not to introduce OM to kids, when I file for D. I asked her once or I told her not to, if they have our kids, there is no reason they need to be messing around with someone else. They should be paying attention to the kids not OM/OW
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Boy oh boy do I hope that your H isn't getting involved with OW again. I'll still come down and kick his a$$ for you, although not for the same reasons now. This time to make him stop & think about all that's gone on with OW and how he KNOWS she's done this in the past to her H. Your H would just end up another notch on her wall. Who knows, maybe she contacted him first. Still no reason for calling her back, but you just never know. I do understand the hunches though. They usually aren't wrong.
I'm glad to hear that your H had agreed to not introduce anyone into the girl's lives for a year after a D. I have absolutely NO intention of doing that to D4. My H on the other hand, as you know, has already in a way, done that. And the OW in my sitch....well, let's just go ahead and move the kids right in with my H and really turn their world up side down!! I've been doing a lot of reading on how to talk to your preschool kids about D and what to expect from them as far as how they'll react. I can't imagine putting my D4 into a situation that would make things any worse for her.
How's things in St. Louis? I'm so proud of you for planning on running that race. I'm sorry for your friend's sitch right now. I hope this run gives her a few hours of peace away from what she's dealing with.
Well, give those girls a hug & know that I'm thinking of you.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
i hope for OW's H that is not happening again.. so so sad.
BUT for you, you made the right decision, this is not someone whom you need to be with anymore. he is not the man for you. You deserve the best, and I believe you will find a wonderful man who will be everything you want and more.
((((hugs)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Try not to let your brain "go there" regarding your h and that bitch woman. Just replace any of those thoughts with thoughts your bright and happy future.
((((lwb))))
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Having serious hunches that OW and H are talking, maybe seeing each other. Just have the little proof that H called OW the other night, don't even know if they talked. But my hunches are never wrong. Odd things here and there.....
Ugh...I thought she was supposed to be working on her marriage. I'm afraid your hunches are right...doesn't make it suck any less.
Quote:
A smart woman (hi SallyM!) told me that I got the 'prize H', OW would be getting the broken, lost man that he is today. I don't want that man.
My best friend sent me an email with the following quote...."The best revenge for a woman who steals another woman's husband is to let her keep him"....so true because these men are broken, selfish, arrogant....they aren't the men that we married.
Take care of yourself. You are doing great and you will make it through this with or without OW in the picture. If I can do it....I know you can :-)
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
