If you aren't looking for the newest and fastest processor going, David has bought some great systems for people off of e-bay. I don't mean real slow or anything. Nice systems just not the newest processor released or the hottest new motherboard out there!!
We ordered mine piece by piece and built it and a couple for another friend, but he has bought more for people off of e-bay than he has built for them!!
We have finally even networked the two because I don't have a tape drive in mine to do backups and he does. So his system backs up both systems now! Of course this is his hobbie!!!!!!!!!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
That's cool, Pam. If it looks like we're going that way (and I can't help but think so) I'll mention that to CJ.
Went to our Blues Festival yesterday, started to rain about an hour after we got there and guess who didn't bring her umbrella???
So we got a bit wet, but the music and the crowd were great. I took a few walks around the park myself. I must have had my smile on as one fellow said "You're a happy girl!" (Emphasis on the "girl" ). Caught more than a couple of appreciative glances too. Rather a nice ego boost as despite my excellerated work out regime, I stupidly weighed myself to find 4 MORE pounds added on!!! Maybe I'm turning into the hulk???
Things with CJ and I are good, I guess. I mentioned to him why I'm a bit touchy this weekend (remembering where HE was last year)....and he didn't reply at all. Just sort of looked down and off to the side.
Now, what I would have liked in that moment would have been another apology. "I'm sorry I did that, that I wasn't here to share this with you, but I'm here NOW! And we'll have a blast!"....you know what I mean.
Oh well.
It's a sunny lovely day, perhaps I'll get some dirt under my nails and venture into the jungle.
I hope you do end up with your own computer. I can't imagine David and I not each having our own.
The festival sounds neat. Wet and all! It sounds like you have a lot of cool things to do up there close to you guys! I hope to find some neat stuff for H and I to do occassionally. I know we need space and all but I think some fun is in order also!
I have a thought for you. On CJ knowing what to say when you told him why you were down. I am thinking this as I did it to David in a small way this morning. He can't read your mind and he probably just felt bad and didn't really know what to say. Ok, I said all of that badly! I had a really nice clear for me post going awhile ago and the power did a mini drop and both systems rebooted. Of course I lost my post!
I hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Maybe if CJ had thought of those things to say maybe he would have meant them but instead he was just feeling bad and unsure what to say to make the sitch better for you.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Don't you HATE losing posts? It never comes out as good the next time around.
Still I know what you meant. Indeed today I got an e-card from CJ, very nice, loving, sweet, and a personal message saying he hoped the "anniversary" of this weekend didn't spoil our time at the festival, and that we should look forward, not past. I wonder if he had a little peak at the BB this morning?
Regardless, it was very nice to have an acknowledgement of the issue.
Yesterday I woke up kind of crabby. Fussed about there being "nothing" in the house for lunch. CJ ran to the grocery store.
Then outside doing yardwork we had another "moment". I'd done a bunch of weeding, then decided to start tidying up this section beside our car port which is a total disgrace.
I'm talking the box from our dishwasher (3 years old) full of soggy leaves and debris, two orange garbage bags full of weeds from 4? years ago, split open, new weeds growing from them. Weeds, leaves etc.
Well I've mentioned this eye sore a few times over the years. This year CJ said he'd hire someone to take all of that crap away along with the huge pile of twigs, weeds, etc that is under our maple tree. Good!
But it's all still there. So last week while CJ was inside on the computer, I started on one section, moving the ladder away from our house so I could snip off the branches of the little trees growing out of our foundation.
I no sooner got started when CJ came out asking what I was doing. I told him, and he seemed emphatic that I NOT continue beyond that section, that he'd get to the rest, so I finished what I'd started and moved on.
Yesterday I decided to throw out some of the other clutter (plant containers with skeletal remains etc) and work on it again. Again CJ basically pre-empted my work.
I must admit I got testy and started in with this kind of talk: "So, you're going to get it done this week?, You're going to hire someone to come and take it all away?"
When he hesitated and said he might not be able to do all the trimming he wanted to before they come, I had to say "What's preventing you from getting that all done this week?"
Can you say "Controlling?"
What I REALLY wanted to convey was that the procrastination on these things drives me CRAZY!!!
Seriously, I was READY to give cleaning the whole mess up myself a shot. I wasn't doing it to make CJ feel guilty or make him help me (I kind of think he felt that way).
So anyway, I moved on to using the new hand-grip trimmer and had great fun with that for the next hour or so.
We didn't have dinner plans, but I came in and proposed a nice pasta dinner with roasted red peppers. CJ came into the kitchen to ask if he could help, but I told him I had it all under control.
During dinner I apologized for earlier, and said that since I started the day crabby, I thought I'd end it on a better note. So the evening was good.
However, I never really told CJ how I felt during our episode, and how much it would mean to me if we set some kind of goals for getting certain things done around here.
That's next, I suppose.
Three positive:
1) it's sunny and warm! 2) my class went well today, even though I'm teaching neural function and brain structure 3) Had left over meatballs for lunch! 4) CJ's out pricing computers!
Hi, Shiny! I know how you feel about wanting to get things done in a certain time frame and not having your spouse jump up and down and be on board and as excited about it as you are! We're trying to get the house ready to put on the market...
I am a MAJOR scheduler/planner/list-maker. So much so that on one of her mother's day cards from a couple years back, D5 had to fill in the blanks about her mommy, one of which was, "My mommy is good at a lot of things! She is especially good at..." and D5 (who was probably 3 at the time) said "making lists"!!!!! OH BRUTHERRRR!!!!
Ok, so we joke about it, but the truth is, I get VERY anxious and overwhelmed if I don't have a plan. I'm not anal about sticking to it, but I like to know in my head that if we don't get such-and-such done today, it will mean that so-and-so won't get done tomorrow, and things will have to be put off a little. I don't mind that, so long as I still have some sense of actually WHEN things will PROBABLY get DONE!!! SBH hates schedules, is rebellious and feels penned in when I try to get him to commit to one. We've worked through this in a direct manner a couple of times in the past 6 months or so. We're still working on it!
But if I'm inspired to do something, I just do it, if I have time (HUGE factor in our life). He will ask if I'm mad, but mostly I'm not, I just want to get it done. If CJ worries, let him worry! Reassure him that you're not mad, then do it if you're so inspired! HIS PROBLEM if he feels you are trying to make him feel guilty or get off his bum and help! As long as you don't b!tch, as long as you reassure him that you're NOT mad with him, let him feel bad! Nya nya...
Oh, I'm feeling a bit grumpy myself, and a little silly! It's just never that simple with these things, is it!?! I'm glad you were able to turn the day around - that is a great skill!
Thanks for you post on my thread! Have a good teaching week!
My world would crumble without my daily planner...I list EVERYTHING in there (which can drive CJ nuts when I have "proof" of the timing of things! )
I also like to work towards goals, but am not terribly uptight about the progress, as long as there IS SOME!!!
You are right on with the advice to "just do it" if I'm inspired and let CJ know that that was my motivation. Period. You're RIGHT...if it makes him feel bad, well too bad!!!
He did find one even better than this one (two years old) for about $400 less that we paid then. No purchase yet. Sometimes I wonder if I want him in the basement on his own "box"...so far away...
Class went well today. Had a good laugh with a former student/friend after class. (She's just one of those people, I had a 4 hour lunch with her a few weeks ago). Then had coffee with another former student, this one more of a gentle flower, battling anorexia, doing pretty well right now.
Picked up dinner (no lunch...not good), then CJ, J (best old pal of mine) headed to the marina for another round of hackey sac. Even harder this time as it was only the three of us for most of the game. When the circle is larger each person works less and it's easier to keep it up!
(Sorry for you hack phobes, didn't mean to go on, but we were pretty hot tonight for 3 middle agers ).
Right in the middle of the game, who should emerge from the crowd but my ex-fiance (10 years), his wife and two kids. J said "Isn't that M?" and I looked up and waved. He smiled broadly back. I said "Playin' hack, just like 20 years ago!" (We both learned to play when we were going together in the early 80's).
Then I heard his wife say to the kids "We're going THIS way"...away from us! ...For some reason the woman is very threatened by me. Or so says his mom who I used to have lunch with near our birthdays (...too much crap this year to go ) Gee,now that I think of it maybe the lunches bothered her? Does she know? Never seemed to bother CJ...hmmmmm
He left me for her when I was very ill and awaiting surgery ...Funny, but I didn't know about her until waaaay after the break-up and my surgery and so I grieved for him without any sense of "OW". I felt abandoned, not betrayed.
What did I feel when I saw him tonight? Like seeing an old dear pal. Someone you'd like to chat with a bit. Send off with good wishes. Actually, if it wouldn't have made at least two people very uncomfortable (CJ and M's wife) I might have asked him to join the circle. We really needed more players.
Well that's about it from here. Now on to you!
Shiny
Good things (Like I even need to add this???):
1) CJ did a bunch of cleaning today and mowed the lawn...yard looks pretty great for a jungle
2) Class went well, even though we were covering the mechanisms of sight, hearing and smell
3) Nice cool breeze off the lake to help dry up the hackey sweat...good work out
Here's some journalling on a topic inspired by Sage and Jethro....
Something that came up on Jethro’s thread really hit home for me. The issue of hanging on to the pain, or in my case not saying “I forgive you”…. of asking ourselves (thanks Sage and Dr. Phil) …what am I getting out of this????
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking for the past few days about the fact that I’ve not yet overtly forgiven CJ. I have not looked him in the eye and said those words.
Nor, has he ever asked me, outright, “Will you forgive me?”
So part of me, I think is waiting for that…for him to ask me for forgiveness. I asked him to forgive me for my hurtful past behaviours, on several occasions and he said he “could” forgive me, but has never actually said he forgives me those crimes of sarcasm, control, making him feel small…
What came up in my meditation was this: What WOULD I say if he asked me for forgiveness???? I’d like to be able to say “I’ve already forgiven you, months ago, but if it means something to you for me to say it, I DO forgive you…(tears well up and trace tracks down my cheeks.). Big hug, cleansing hug, forgiving hug.
BUT…I haven’t done this. I’m starting to think that forgiveness, for me, may come in bits and pieces. Maybe this is totally against the whole idea of forgiveness, but for example.
I feel like I can (have) forgive CJ for the chat lines, for getting involved, even (egads) for having the Affairs. But what still hurts and baffles me are the incredible lies he told…I really wish I had my first thread where I listed some of them. He’s yet to explain to my satisfaction how he could have done such ludicrous and hurtful things.
He was also very hurtful towards me after the first two bombs, and has not, to my satisfaction, expressed remorse or really even acknowledged this.
Strangely, I think I forgive him (or is it just that I kind of understand WHY he did SOME of what he did leading up to bomb 3) for staying in contact with her after we were apparently making progress in MC., and I was under the delusion that she was “in the past”. I can see how he could be manipulated in that fashion. It’s not attractive. I wish he’d stood up to her much earlier, told me about it and took his own chances, rather than wait for her to drop the bomb on me. Can I forgive him for human weakness, fear…yes.
So maybe the time for ME to say “I forgive you” is when I feel at peace with all of these things (and many more that will come to me later, no doubt)
OR should I tackle them one at a time and let CJ in on how I’m progressing??? What do you all think? Am I just nuts?
Nearly 2 a.m., time to sleep...nighty night all, sweet dreams
I had a really nice clear for me 
It never comes out as good the next time around. 
) Gee,now that I think of it maybe the lunches bothered her? Does she know? Never seemed to bother CJ...hmmmmm
...Funny, but I didn't know about her until waaaay after the break-up and my surgery and so I grieved for him without any sense of "OW". I felt abandoned, not betrayed.