Thank you for all your great advice on my thread. You have been an immense help with the MC. With your idea spur, I think I was able to make MC see my POV and make myself heard to both MC and W. W was somewhat uncomfortable with my straightforward assessment, but then she always has been when it has come to accepting any blame for this sitch.
Once again thanks for the idea, and I thank the Lord who gave me the time to write it all down before the session.
Charcoal, I thought you were well known here, I've seen your posts all over! Are you new to piecing? If so...Welcome!!!
Well it was my last full lecture today..tomorrow they write their final exam. Yippee!!!!
CJ and I had a rough day on Wed. I started out by running late for class and unintentionally blaming CJ...("Why didn't you tell me it was so late!!!")
Then I had a snit helping with dinner...just too much work stress. We had a long talk after dinner. CJ was rather down about it all, but I printed out my posts since May 1 to reassure him that I hadn't been "venting" all kinds of stuff to you guys rather than talking with him.
Reading my own posts helped me see that things, over all, HAVE been pretty good!
Three positives for today:
1) Last lecture!!!!
2) Got my hair done, mostly back to it's original colour and it looks good
3) My headache is no where near as bad as it was last night (borderline migraine ).
Though H and I are separated, some of the same issues come up for me -- how to trust, how to forgive, should I forget? -- as we become friends again.
It's hard -- but I am sure we're all about the buffest folks on the planet -- in every way -- as a result of all our daily workouts & steady diets of healthy mind-food.
Shiny -- take care. Have you done something luxuriously extravagantly fab for yourself lately? Cuz you know best exactly what would turn you on...
French soap is my fave little thrill (costs only pennies more...)
Thanks for being here, everyone, I get so much out of all your posts.
Before I sign off for the night another thing from our discussion on Wed. night.
CJ revealed that he does NOT long for OW, Does not wonder what life would like if he'd left for her, rarely thinks of her at all!!!
But not a day goes by that he does not think about what HE did: to me and our M.
I KNOW these are words some of my dear friends here on the BB LONG to hear from their S's, so I feel very honoured and comforted that he shared that with me (I didn't ask).
Nighty night all!
Shiny
Oh, yes, and he admitted that everything wasn't "rosy" with their sex life either ...now why couldn't he have told me that before?????
Hi, SB...congrats on finishing this course! Hope you and CJ can have some WONDERFUL time in the upcoming break...
And don't be too hard on him for not sharing about his sex life with OW. It's REALLY hard to know what to share and what not to, what will just cause more pain and what might help. If it took him a few months to get up the nerve to tell you that, I'd say he did a pretty good job!
Hey SB -- sounds like you and cjay continue to make great progress in talking with each other. How do these topics come up? do you bring them up? does he?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage, it's kind of a combination of both. Often CJ senses when I'm "down" or something's bugging me and asks. Then we start to talk and I bring stuff up.
I suppose I'm very fortunate that he's open to sharing this stuff with me. He offered the info on not thinking about OW on his own.
Had a bit of a moment at a shag on friday night. (for the non-Canadians that's a benefit for soon-to-be marrieds). We picked up my old best pal (we're talking kindergarten here) J and she and CJ sat side by side, while I sat next to CJ's BIL across the table. We were all having fun, but the two of them were really joking around, chatting, etc.
I wasn't feeling all that well (headache) and the place was HOT, stuffy and you could cut the smoke with a knife. Well at one point in the evening a woman sitting down the table (CJ's neice's boyfriend's sister) said... "Oh! YOU'RE CJ's wife, I thought SHE was"
And, well, that got to me. It made me think about what CJ was probably like when he was out with OW, all charming and funny, cracking her up. Like he was with J. I went to the bathroom and the heat + stress really got to me. So I went outside for some fresh air. CJ followed shortly.
He wanted to leave because I was "p!ssed off" at him, but I convinced him to go back in, I'd go when I cooled off. J came out and chatted with me and we went back in together. She sat next to me for the rest of the night.
You see, J was pretty much the only pal that CJ didn't feel "judged" by back when the sh!t hit the fan in early Dec. I know it's because she has been the OW in the past and loves CJ like a brother.
We had a nice Saturday, breakfast out, shopping for ingredients for my famous pasta sauce. We visited my folks for Father's day (a day early) then I cooked my butt off while CJ did yard work. We had wine with dinner, then took a nice long bike ride.
Still.......no physical connection apart from a few pats on the behind each way.
Today we went to a BBQ at his sis's place and had a great time. I really love his sisters and Mom.
I weeded the yard from around 8-10 p.m. (remember it's light this far north! ) I would have done more but the mosquitos were following me around the yard (please no West Nile virus!!! ).
Then CJ helped me figure out some stuff on the computer for my class grades. Always a contentious thing for us...I tend to panic and get frustrated. But it didn't go toooo badly, I think .
I know I'm disappointed in the no-lovin' status, but what can I do? We just had that "discussion" on Tuesday!
And to top it off, I've been working out like a fiend this past week and stepped on the scale tonight to see what it wrought....
I GAINED another 5 pounds!!!! WTF??? Please, someone, tell me it's not because I turned 40!!!
Oh well, time to quit grousing and check on some of you.
I think it sounds like you and H are making some great progress! My H is very close mouthed. Says emotions and feelings very difficult for him to talk about.
Continued good wishes.
And no it isn't becasuse you turned 40! Last summer I lost 30 some pounds and am going to be 42 this summer. Of course with bomb dropping in March have lost more now but not the way I want too!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
).
just stopping in for a quick howdy do!!
