Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Mulesqb still getting kicked in the a$$

I think if I did that right now - she would run in the other direction. Is that what I should do?

Would you bring up the conversation my S10 heard?

That is my OPINION of what you should do. It's BEEN my opinion, and it hasn't changed.

Then again, I could be wrong.

Puppy

I can't figure this out. I think if I put the house up she is going to take that as a sign that I want the legal sep at this point. Is that the signal I want to send right now? I know I have made mistakes here, but this isn't black and white.

Mules,

A few things:
1) Even walk-away wives can "act as if" in social settings, especially when family is present, so her attitude around them may not reflect what is in her head. I would encourage you to not draw closer in those situations (the WAW seems to later hate the idea of "the happy family" because it's an act).

2) I can not perceive how she would have custody of the boys. She doesn't do anything with them. If it reaches the point where these things are discussed, you should state that you think you are best suited to be custodial parent. They aren't even liking her right now.

3) I would address what your son heard with him, but not sure about with your wife. She may get half of the assets, but as I said, it's doubtful she'll get much in the way of alimony since you'll have custody of the kids.

4) In this uncertain time, I don't think you should be too open to the possibility of making a financial investment in any business your wife will open. Basically, don't make any big decisions (as a couple), until things level out.

Me

So you had a great weekend, marred only by what your son overheard the neighbors wife talking about with your wife.

You did great at not bringing up relationship talk and just going with the flow. I agree with Phoenix that you should be cautious about assuming that her behavior this weekend means that things between you are thawing. Continue to be detached (and yes, I think you're definitely getting it) and life your life as if everything will be fine.

Hopefully the therapist will continue to help. But that really is a matter between your wife and the therapist. Nothing you can do about it either way.

I can't figure what the best approach is with the neighbors. It does appear as though there is no longer any "romantic" issue between the H and your wife, but there is definitely a harmful influence. I would agree that your wife sees their life as much more carefree than hers and probably desires that.

As Phoenix said, be careful about committing to very much financially in terms of this new venture your wife has expressed an interest in. In starting ANY business, there should be a huge amount of research done before ever beginning operation anyway, so steer her in that direction before considering finances. You definitely need some time to see how this situation continues to unfold.


Sounds like you did well. Stay strong.


Bill

Hey Phoenix - She was acting "as if" all weekend, even when it was just us alone (family at home or in car on trip). I understand what you say about the party though - could definitely just be an act. That's why I am so confused.

I talked to my son about what he heard. I told him not to worry about it and that what they were talking about may not have anything to do with me. I told him that I loved him very much and no matter what happens ever, I'm always be here for him. I was just wondering if you think I should mention to my W that he brought this up to me because he heard it. But in thinking about it, I guess that would be R talk.

As far as the biz - there isn't any financial investment on my part. She was just looking for me to help her write, come up with a name and develop a website.

Is this a business capable of supporting her? It will need to be.

If it were me, I think I would tell your wife what your son said. She should have the opportunity, is she wants, to set the record straight with him. You don't have to talk further about it that just telling her what he said and saying, "I thought you'd want to know".

Exactly - and it was a 10 year old's interpretation. He was very excited this weekend because it looked like things are improving. But given our history lately, I don't trust anything.



I agree with this 100%.



I was wondering if you thought I was right in not asking any questions. Like you said there is nothing I can do anyway.



This feels like my biggest dilemma. Just the way she changed her personality on the phone with them and then back when she hung up was scary. Don't think that I haven't felt the three of them have this big scheme to figure out a way that she can divorce me and end up with a great financial settlement. It is possible they could be giving her a ton of input. I just felt that she was definitely feeling closer to me and a lot of the negative emotions may have disappeared. But who knows, she could also be acting, just seems like that would be a lot of work.



Thanks - in a better place than last week - but not yet where I would like to be. I got slapped down with that legal sep talk.

ok guys - I'm dying here. W just called me bawling saying she's having a very tough time. She said the boys were very hard today (1st day of summer) and she's still feeling down - she just can't feel better - she says she's very depressed, she's lost her way and just can't get out of it. I was doing great - validating, keeping my mouth shut etc... Then she asked why I am being so good to her through this - why am I staying with her, I didn't answer and then she asked asked again and then I caved - I told her it was because I love her and always have and always will and I just want to make her happy even if it means letting her go. I didn't know what else to do other than be honest - why can't I keep my MOUTH SHUT!!!!

By the way - she mentioned my S10 being bad today - so I told her what he heard. She said it had absolutely nothing to do with us that she was talking about their friends that were engaged for a while. The reason the H delayed getting married was because his 1st W took him for a ride. I believed her.