Listening to the podcasts for A New Earth Re ~ reading Codependent No More... finding me... ~Wow I was /am buried under a heap of "stuff" and lightening up on the Sex part some.. H is really stressed. He will even say he is sorry, really sorry. When I want to and he has no energy.... And I reply " it is ok it really is."
Weird how he wanted me to be like I used to be now he seems more LD than I have been in the past. No big deal ~ he waited for me to get out of a rut ,, I can wait for him. Only I am doing it with so much more finesse....
To Do List: For this month.... 1) Keep working on me. 2) Remember H is Human too. 3) Keep letting go of old: feelings,hurts and resentments. 4) Smell the roses along the way. 5) Adjust to the changes....
Start over with #1... All my best to you all, ~Ali
My H arrived home from work in a fabulous mood. And before he had even gone off to work I remember now that he looked at me like he was leaving for months and said to me ....
" come with me to work.." and then he came back to Earth and said " No I cant take you , you will just get bored and kissed me."
* ( I am speculating here but I do think it has to do with how nice and real and genuine I was being the whole weeekend.... he may have felt or a little WTF?too?") I have been far less reactive since the BOMB... but I can also tell ( lately more than ever)I am softening the rough edges and actually letting down my guard more too)
When he arrrived he was being like he was when we first met.....
All these things shocked/bewildered me....
I made a new recipe and he wasnt up for it / normally in the past he would have thrown a fit..... * why didnt you make x, y r z, what were you thinking etc etc etc..... he did no such thing .
He said instead " thats ok sweetie , I am sorry , Idont like that... would you mind terribly making an egg for me? WTF? My Inner thoughts " who the fcuk are you and where is my H?"
We had no eggs/ that would normally upset him too/ why didnt you buy them yesterday ... blah, blah , blah..... He replies " that is ok honey.... ???? I tell him " well I dont mind running for some if youd like"
He replies " No honey that is not necessary.."??????????? I go to the store,,, when I get back he decides to make his own eggs but not cause he is angry/***old behavior... and he kisses me and smiles at me. WTF?
I know in print this seems so normal for him to act civil but usually he is not like this.
I shouldnt have, I suppose , ....but I asked " why are you being so nice?' He asked " I am ?" a few minutes later I am overcome by "feelings" ... he keeps acting sincere and generous,, and then he sees my face and says " what is wrong sweetie?"
I reply " nothing you are being awesome..... I am ok." He proceeded to be pleasant to..... a T.. the rest of the evening......
~Wow... and may I say he was richly "rewarded" by me before he went to bed..... He even said when I was done " what did you do to me?"
I could get used to that.... he is VERY CAPABLE of being a Great Husband. I was impressed and the best part is is wasnt ass kissing it was real and from the heart....
I would like to say this... What is helping me a lot with my hubby is he has really left the ball in my court... at first I will admit it terrified me.
ME~? Initiate all the time ~yeah right. I will run out of ideas, I will look like an idiot, he will say no.
All of my worries have slowly dwindled.
He amazingly enough is letting me drive , he is being the Man that turns me on, and he is allowing me to go at my pace. My drive is not back full force but it is much stronger than ever... it is blossoming as I like to put it..... He lets me initiate he lets me touch him here and touch him there and he doesnt have out the script and is not saying a little to the left over there in a tone that dries you up like the Sahara.. he is allowing me to seduce him like I want to.
I dunno~ hope that helps someone... Take care and God bless. ~Ali
Hi everyone...... my computer was not working and then I got too busy to post. I would start and then I would get sidetracked etc etc etc.
Anyway... things are much better. I wish my computer wouldnt have broken down so I could have kept up but anyway I will try to catch up and post more often as soon as I can.
Things are much better in our bedroom.... and out too! I actaully have never been more content. ( Hubby too) I am still peeling the layers though... like an onion full of different layers I am going to keep going.
Someone wise told me to slow down and take note of what my H was "saying " to me. I have slowed down and actually he says a lot w/o really saying a word. And the calmer I have been the more he has opened up. He is initiating more often and not holding himself back as much.
We still are not back to once a day .. But I almost think the once a day was a test for me to see if I loved him enough... hard to explain the dynamics but I hope you all understand.
I try to always keep my hands on him when we are laying next to one another... and I have put him to sleep more than a few times with Massaging him..... I have come to a place within myself that allows myself to fully give to him from a good place in my heart. I am trying not to hide who I am so actively anymore. I am humbly giving everything I am as much as I can as his Wife. Placing him first in my life and putting his needs above my own... and the scariest part is I used to think this would lead him to be a self serving *jerk* even more... and it has actually had the opposite effect.
I am trying really hard to be humble and change and also love myself enough to keep the best parts of me.
I was trying to erase my emotions.... ..... but that makes me the beautiful Woman that I am!!!! ...... and so I need to keep my emotions in check in regard to my RE ~action to hubbys actions ... ....but I should not be NUMB either!
I am strange;y aware of the power I have over my H , how my words affect him.How he needs me and wants me too, how he is affected by what I do or dont do to him. Power is a strong word but zi have the courage now to know that is what it is Power and If I use it wisely it makes for a very Happy Husband. How my body makes him feel. How he can make me feel too~ I am aware that desire is not always a part of my day but I can help it by being loving with him and doing things that will make me feel desire.
I have found that if I choose to Massage him. I get very h*rny. If he is quiet and he lets me touch him and isnt instructing me like he used to with every touch and every move.
I have also read three more books in the process that have helped me tremendously. The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and The Mastery of love by him also. They are very spiritual in Nature and have great atsuff in there. It has helped me transcend what I have already worked so hard on.
I feel sad at times that my sexual desire is not what it was 10 years ago and I am trying to find solutions .. like vitamins etc etc etc . Anyone have any ideas I would love to hear them. PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSE~! I thought 30s were supposedely the prime sexual years??? I am not dried up or anything I am 37 years old I just feel like my desire is abnotmally low for my relatively young age. I am also very tired lately I am quite sure I am Anemic again. Anyway I hope you all have a great week and I look forward to reading and catching up. Take care and God bless~ Ali
Ok so here is what I am up to. I am getting along so well with My Husband it is actually scaring me.
Truth be told I never ever thought this possible. We have been back to ML everyday.
I have a question for the Men ( and Women too ) if you know the answer. I have been now also reading... The Proper Feeding of Marriage. It seems to reiterate all of what MWD~ believes in and yet she gives examples... IE~ Do treat your H with love and respect everyday and he will do the same. Believe it. Fabulous book. Thumbs up! * Not a direct quote just something like that.
So I am doing all I can loving unconditionally, giving and I massage him every nite cause he is so tired from work. We ML every nite b/c I initiate. Total 180 from last year!
MY ? is this.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* MY H does not hardly touch me anymore he seems to tired for anything... he is letting me do all the work. **** I know I can just simply ask him but I dont want to it will cause an explosion of words************ Do I stop trying so hard for more or do I keep showing him I want him? Will I be boosting his ego ,or just annoying him? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
MY H is VERY stressed form work.... and this is his excuse for not wanting quickies lately .... Oral sex * ( me on him ) .
We make love once and that is enough for him... He honestly was just complaining earlier this year that I was not sexual enough. and now sometimes I have to beg to give him oral sex. Not on my hands and knees ( no pun intended) but I do have to ask sometime , more than once.
So I am sure I sound like a mad Woman... but this shocks me. And I Know 100% w/o a doubt he is not having an affair. WE are getting along great and he is always accountable. this is a first in our Marriage since the first Year.
So honestly I have no complaints... he also talks to me now more than ever. He will even call me from work to tell me how his day is going. I feel like I am dreaming,, really.
That is a first too... he used to call just to b*tch.
I am sure my dilema sounds like Apple Pie compared to some but I feel like I need another POV besides my own.
Do I keep doing what I am doing?
... seeing as I feel like I am * FINALLY* at the top of the hill and do not want to have to walk back down, or do I back off some?
* This morning for instance he grabbed his p*nis thru his boxers , Like saying you want some? and HE smiled.
And then I said "YEAH!" and smiled back. Then he just smiled and said " Honey I am tired I have to go to work." Or is this payback for years of me being the LD one?
From my point of view. If he is really stressed, and you should know for sure as you have been married long enough, then this can have a really huge effect on him. I know when I get stressed I want to pull into my shell and I would probably not initiate sex as often as normal. HOWEVER, this would not be reflective of my actual NEED. I would NEED to have sex more often to feel connected and comforted in my relationship with my wife.
It sounds to me like this is where your husband is. So, stay encouraged and keep doing what you are doing. Dismissive sex with a man is usually pretty obvious, cold during the act, inconsiderate before during and after. This ususally translates to something degrading. If he was mad, that is what you would be getting. Remember, he is calling from work, great sign.
My opinion on the grabbing and showing thing, good sign. This is him making sure he is attractive to you, not a tease in a negative sense. Think from a man's perspective. If you showed up in a miniskirt with nothing underneath or no bra (depends on his individual fetish here) and then flashed him, he would about lose it. Now, women generally do not get turned on by their man wagging his parts, but from a man's point of view they should, he would if he were a woman. To him that is the ultimate expression of his sex and what should be the sexiest part of his body to you (tell me again how big I am..) If you react well to it, like you did, HUGE ego and morale booster.
Look, I sleep naked and it bothers me that my wife never bothers to look to see me when I come to bed. I would love to have her check it out. Doesn't mean we have to go the distance at that point, but it would make me feel desired.
By the way, every day and oral too! Shoot, think I'll go shower...
You guys are hilarious..... I have been busy with work but I will post more when I get home..
