How are you this day? You last contacted B last week, right? I'd leave it another week or so before thinking about initiating contact again. That gives him a little time to respond in case he's away and busy, and it gives him a bit of space to percolate all his great thoughts about seeing you and thinking how hot you are, and singing dirty songs with you on the streets on NYC!
I'll think of suave ways to let him know you want to meet in August. Not that I'm an expert, of course. I think you'll see him though- I just think he maybe needs a bit of time to process seeing you and all your changes. And to control the longing feeling in his pants!
L. xx
PS> I totally understand those subway feelings- it's a lonely place. (((((T))))) Hope your day's going well today.
thank you for checking in on me ((((J))))((((LISA)))))((((everyone))))) !!!
I am back in VA now, yesterday my Dad drove from VA to NYC to pick me up and then take me back home. Let me tell you, all this DBing is totally changing the way I perceive my Dad. I had this huge realization a couple weeks ago that all his behavior I usually react to as "controlling" is actually just his genuine concern about things going wrong. And when he came to pick me up in NYC, he was SO excited about my friend's neighborhood, he was totally ready to park the car and cross over the brooklyn bridge and go exploring! I was blown away. In the past when he picks me up for a long drive home it has been super stressful, like he just wanted to get back in the car and go. Now I wish we had parked the minivan and gone out to lunch and had a father-daughter adventure. I also realized during our talks on the drive home how much enthusiasm he has for the world. It is like now that I can see clearly the patterns of his "negative" behaviors, I can also see his positive qualities much more clearly. And I realized on the drive home how much he wants my friendship and wants to connect, and how I tend not to share all that much with him, even though he is very eager to know. So slowly I think I am going to DB my Dad too, and it will be awesome!!!
The last bit of the NYC visit was nice.... went out to dinner at this amazing restaurant where I had grilled fennel with pickled cherries and blue cheese (!!) and the most unbelievable strawberry-rhubarb crisp I have ever known. The morning I left I got to have brunch with my Wing Woman who accompanied me to B's concert, and was able to talk to her about HER R issues. When I saw her back in Dec, she had broken up with her man and hadn't talked to him in over 4 months, was so happy she was single, and didn't really ever want to talk to him again. Well, guess who dropped her off for brunch? You got it, Boyfriend! It was great to have a girly heart-to-heart with her. I feel like she understands my changes more than almost anyone else around me. Plus it was really cool to be able to maybe help her a little bit on R stuff. Most of my processing & sharing I do here on the board so when I start talking about it off the board people are like, HOW do you KNOW all this stuff???? I'm like, TONS of reading and super smart friends from the BB!
Oh... I think I pegged my Mom's LL, Acts of Service plus Words of Affirmation... and maybe my brother is the same ?? I also realize that my family asks for Affirmation from each other CONSTANTLY, so now I know where I get my affirmation-seeking from But a big lesson that has come from all of this is feeling that I can reassure and affirm myself, without having to seek it from others.
You last contacted B last week, right? I'd leave it another week or so before thinking about initiating contact again. That gives him a little time to respond in case he's away and busy, and it gives him a bit of space to percolate all his great thoughts about seeing you and thinking how hot you are, and singing dirty songs with you on the streets on NYC!
LOL!!!!!!!! Lisa, thank you so much for your thoughts on the timing of the next contact I can definitely wait longer, since I Excel At Waiting. So we'll give it another week and then maybe think about another contact.
I was thinking about his performance and the part at the end where he did some mongolian-style throatsinging.... you actually make this low rhumbly sound and then use the shape of your mouth to isolate overtones, so you can sing two lines at the same time. Totally wild, right? Well I used to do that a little, inspired by this documentary about this blind american bluesman who went to Tuva and won the audience's favorite award in the annual throatsinging competition! It is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. So maybe I could send him a link to that or something. I also realized that in the beginning of the flight of the conchord's "mother uckers" video, the rascist fruit seller brandishes a vegetable peeler JUST LIKE the one I got from Peeler Man (the fruit seller threatens to "peel their beards off") so that would be something funny for me to share with him too.
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I'll think of suave ways to let him know you want to meet in August. Not that I'm an expert, of course. I think you'll see him though- I just think he maybe needs a bit of time to process seeing you and all your changes. And to control the longing feeling in his pants!
Yay, thank you Lisa! I could always do the same old, "I'll be in town, it would be great to catch up if you're around" schpiel. There is the tiniest possibility that b/c of his enthusiastic asking of "when?" I would be in town that he might actually want to know so he could plan around that too. ???? You make me laugh about that longing feeling, the longing feeling in MY PANTS is growing stronger by the hour.... crazed beaver alert!!!
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PS> I totally understand those subway feelings- it's a lonely place. (((((T))))) Hope your day's going well today.
(((my lady))) it was funny, on the drive back with my Dad I *still* had to spin the radio dial whenever we hit a sappy love song which was basically every 3.7 minutes My day is going much better today, here in the busom of my family!!!
That is good news that you are having realisations about your family and getting closer. It is nice to be around family sometimes, comforting!
The throat singing sounds really interesting but bizarre! BTW I LOVE Flight of the Conchords, they are so funny. They played at a Christmas party of my old company before they got big and were sooo funny.
Glad you made it home safely T. And very happy to hear about your relationship improving with your Dad. It's such a blessing that out of a bad thing all of these good things are happening. Your self discovery and awakening, your rebuilding of relationships with your family, meeting new people and making new friends (like us on the BB). You are using this time to the utmost, you are an example of what to do!!!
I can't even begin to imagine what the low rumbling throat/second line carrying goes, but I'm totally intrigued!
Glad you're back in the bosom of your family and doing well.
((((T))))) You SO DO Excel At Waiting! You're surely the Queen!! Next week to re-establish contact it is then (assuming he doesn't contact you before that). I like the idea of sending him a link to the throaty thing- friendly, non-pressuring and re-establishes a line of communication.
Where, you make me blush!!! Seriously, I am so grateful for how this crisis has given me an opportunity to grow. I look at where I was a year ago and I like myself so much more now. I wish I could have learned these lessons without losing the man I loved, but I am so glad to be learning!!!
J, I can't BELIEVE that flight of the conchords played at your christmas party!!! that is INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!! I am sooo jealous!!!
Lisa, I will post a link to the throatsinging! It is really awesome. OK, sometime next week. Who knows, maybe he'll contact me first. I'm glad you like my link idea
Daily update...
My brother asked me to get up early today so we could go visit the Museum of the American Indian together at the Smithsonian in DC. We took the subway in together, and it was SO fun! I feel like we are on the same wavelength. We saw this exhibit of women's handmade dresses (lots of animal skin) including one from the "Ghost Dance" that really moved me... And we wandered through lots of other exhibits. We got some tasty native american food as a snack, and then spontaneously decided to see an IMAX 3d movie about the Sun at the Air & Space museum next door. did a bit of shopping... and took the subway home. I am so happy my brother wants to hang out with me now, and that our friendship has resumed
I am so grateful for how this crisis has given me an opportunity to grow. I look at where I was a year ago and I like myself so much more now. I wish I could have learned these lessons without losing the man I loved, but I am so glad to be learning!!!
I totally agree, thats just how I feel and it is cool isnt it? I said to my BF tonight that I could take my Dad out for a pint for the first time in 20 years and not feel nervous, as my nevousness in crowded places has all evaporated since he left. So in that respect, he has done me a favour and I am completely cognitive of it. You DO sound good, totally stronger than a few months ago. Its lovely to hear!
((((((T!!!!))))) Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
But a big lesson that has come from all of this is feeling that I can reassure and affirm myself, without having to seek it from others.