Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with kids and a WW5

Thanks for the lock up, kat

Here is the last thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1463239&page=3&fpart=1


Been busy this weekend. More positives than negatives.

I think.

I'll take that anyday.

Saturday, after I got off work, went to roomie's work to pick up her car. I called her work, but she was with a client. I had emailed her a bit before I left work, asking if she had lunch yet and for her to call me and let me know if she wanted me to just go in and exchange keys. No reply.

I go to her work and go and wait in the lobby. She has clients in her office. She waives me to come in and introduces me to her client and his son. He is the man she was helping with his Power of Attorney paperwork a while ago. I talked to them a little and she showed that she had tried to email me back, but I had already left. We exchange keys and I tell her we will come back to pick her up and head out to Six Flags.

Finally get a haircut and go home. After quick visit to grandparents house pick up roomie and hit the park. Only 45 minutes at Water park. The rest of the day and night riding rides. More that I have ever ridden before. We had a great time. Roomie was looking VERY tired most of the day. Pick up fast food after closing down the place and head home. Kids want to come back for Fathers Day.

Late start on Sunday. Roomie tells me to stay in bed. She goes to bathroom with door wide open. The way our bed is situated, direct view of her. I found that strange.

I have to take nephew to work and roomie getting breakfast and girls up and going. Get my gifts. Sit and tear up a bit with my D's. Homemade gifts and cards. The best, you know. Save the gift roomie got me for later. No card from her, I notice. Before I leave to take nephew, roomie state that we might be running late for church. I am a little upset, because I want to go to church and of course, she has not been wanting to go. I get back and D's are ready and roomie getting ready. She is in bathroom changing and I open door a little. "Hey, I'm changing!" she says. I tell her that we can skip church. Running too late. "Close the door, I'm changing." Ok, that is strange, too. Let me see her pee. Walk in on me while showering. Oh well. I eat some breakfast and she gets us off to church.

Last weeks sermon was, "Is God in you Marriage?" Last Tuesday, when I talked to roomie, I asked her what she thought about the sermon. She said that we didn't have a marriage, thats why God was not in it.

This week, it was about passing the tests the He gives us. Like Abraham was asked to offer his son as an offering. He passed that test. He may not have passed all tests, but he passed this one. Roomie getting very emotional as usual. I get emotional. At the end of service, Pastor asks everyone if we are passing our tests. Are we making the right decisions for the family. Now we are very emotional.

I notice roomie is having a hard time swallowing. That was one of the symptoms of her stroke last year.

Roomie looks at me and asks if I want to go to the altar to pray. I say yes, take her by the hand and lead her to the front. We kneel down next to each other and she places her hand on top of mine. I pray silently at first and then start to whisper my prayers. She is doing the same. I am starting to sob. She is sobbing. A lady comes to pray over her. I help her up and we go back to her seat. I lean in to tell her something. I was just going to talk, I don't know what. I was feeling something and just then a lady comes to talk to her and she is crying again. I hold off.

We get D's and in the car, I lean over to her, hold her head and whisper, "You need to do us all a favor and get in to see the doctor. You HAVE to." She agrees and says she will make an appointment.

Get the day started. Go to Krispy Kreme and we eat some sweets and we read the paper and we are all talking and having fun. Trying to decide what to do. I can tell roomie is just not feeling well. Not up to much. They keep asking me, and I tell them to decide. Whatever they want me to. We decide to got to grocery store and go home and then decide.

At store, I decide to burn some meat on the grill. At checkout, roomie tells me she will pay for half the groceries. I tell her I can pay, I just got paid. She then pays for it all and says that I can pay her back.

???????????

Relaxing at home, S14 is dropped off and is home. Nephew and friend are home. EVERYONE is home. Feels good.

Roomie finally returns a phone call to her mother. She is a little upset at her from something this past Friday. MIL never called her back.

Her grandfather in Laredo passed away. She is upset. I am hugging to comfort her. We hug for a while. She is still having a hard time swallowing. I get her a popsicle. She calls her father and she is unable to talk to him. I take the phone and finish the convo for her. I tell her that I am taking her to the emergency room. She refuses. I tell her what I see. She is worried about work. She is the MOST stubborn woman I have ever known.

Thats why, if she leaves, she won't come back. To stubborn to admit she made a mistake.

She calms down. I make dinner for the family and we are all eating in the kitchen standing. Talking. Laughing. S14 hugging me. Nephew hugs me for Fathers Day.

Like I said before, these are the times to cherish. I look at roomie while this is going on. She looks at me. She sees me just taking it all in. The family. THATS what is important. We are secondary. She knows what I'm thinking.

I do dishes. Family keeps on calling her cell. She tells me to stop and lets go watch a movie. She sits on sofa and is asleep in 20 minutes. I guess no movie tonight. We go to bed and D's sneak in and make camp on the floor by our bed.

It almost feels like she is changing her mind on moving.

Conflicted. She asked me yesterday if I had told my parents of her moving. I said no.

We are going to spend the next couple days in Laredo. Laredo in summer at a funeral. Lucky us.

I asked roomie if she wanted to go alone or together. She said we should all go.

So we will all go.

H4H

Perhaps some cracks in her fortress are showing through - you know best. Realistic cautious optimism can be very helpful.

I have said this to you before in different words, but keep plugging with what is working. I think I have come to realize that we all have to do what feels right for us individually. There are suggestions, ideas that have worked for others and SO MUCH GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT from all on this board... but at the end of the day, we each have to be satisified that we have done all we would have wanted to do. The chips will fall where they may. STAY POSITIVE as best you can.

I emailed roomie earlier this morning:

Wanted to see if you would talk to your boss about taking Thursday off
as well. I can get it here, I think. Might be good idea to take an extra
day to recover and not feel rushed to leave so fast after the funeral.
Time to visit your Dad and Frances.

Let me know, enjoy lunch and have a fantastical day!

She replied:

I am thinking of just going myself with Deanna so I don't have to drive
with a window that doesn't roll up and the kids don't need to be around
this, who knows there might be a fight between Rudy/Juan and my dad.
Hopefully not but who knows.


I'm like, ok.

I replied:

Ok, I'll cancel the room. I guess I'll still take off though and take
'em to Fiesta Tx.


She replied:

I'm not saying I'm going to do it, what do you think?
I don't mind all of us going, just an idea, tell me what you think


To which I replied:

I guess your saying about the kids being at a funeral? Yeah, I see what your saying, but they will probably want to see your Dads kids. They may not even want to go. I don't mind, either way. I wouldn't mind seeing your dad. But I can see it being easier for you if you went alone, too.



Just got off the phone with roomie. Just finished with last client. We are both still at work. I hear her whispering something. She does this a lot, when she is talking about someone at the office. I say I can' hear you. She says that she is just now reading my last email. She whispers when she reads, too.

That last email was sent over an hour ago.

I said, "I thought you were whispering something to me." She whispers some more and I say "What?" She whispers louder, "You smell."

She laughs and I say, "Funny."

She says the tape holding her window up gave way and the window went down. I say, "Thats ok, I can get it up."

She says, "You can? Can you?"

I say, "I can. I just have to think real hard."

I hear a chuckle. I chuckle.

We discuss dinner, and we'll decide on what to do tonight.

Her family is wack. She is afraid her father might want to fight her mothers current husband, who was her mothers first husband and father of the oldest daughter. MIL left him and married roomie's father. She divorced him, and lived with another man for about 15 years, had another daughter with this guy and left him for current husband, who was the first one to begin with.

Did you get that? Now you know what the hell I deal with?

Realistic cautious optimism.

I like that. That sounds like me.

I have no idea of what the hell is working or not working anymore. To me, she is up and down and then I don't know if I'm coming or going(although I know which one I'd prefer)

I am just taking each day as it presents itself. I have no expectations. Maybe I do. I expect that she will move out. Maybe the more that I expect it, the less chance that it might happen.

I keep on keeping on.

Your wife is so conflicted. And terrified that she might be sick again. Please continue to gently remind her to make an appointment, I am worried her stress will get her sick again.

If you are ok waiting and giving her the space she needs, I really have a good feeling for you guys.

I know, I see it too. I HAVE to be ok with waiting. I feel like I failed and that I have to drop my rope with her. Accept that she has to move out.

She is one stubborn broad, but the love of my life. I know she is terrified. To me, God is giving her a sign. Just like he gave me a sign when was going to move out. She had a stroke the next day. He told me that I was not leaving.

He is telling her the same thing.

I hope she listens before it is too late.

Oh, you can wait AND she can move out. Her moving out might do you and your marriage wonders. Dropping the rope doesn't mean you are giving up.

Love, but don't fix.

Send her an email tomorrow reminding her to make her appt.

Getting ready to head out to Laredo today.

Last night went ok. We both got home later than we wanted to. At home, I found out that she let nephew friend take her to work in the morning because he went to work at 11am. He works at the same restraunt as nephew. That means that she had to go pick up her car during lunch.

I wonder how she got there? Hmmm. Rat bastard, thats who! I just know it.

Roomie keeps floundering on if she will go to Laredo with her sister alone or all of us together. She talks to her aunt over there, and I can hear her very upset. They talk for a while. Last I heard from roomie was we were all going. After the phone call, she says, "Well, do ya'll want to go or not?"

I tell her, "You keep changing your mind! Go alone. We can stay here. You want to go with your sister."

She says, "I don't know what I want! Make the decision for me."

I sit there next to her. I'm thinking, "What is going on with her?" I tell her ok, we are all going. Done.

The rest of the evening went well.

We are up early and preparing stuff and cleaning house. I check on the car and fix the window, again. I try to probe about yesterday. When did the window go down? After your lunch? The shares a little info, but not much. Then she says, "Why?"

I say no reason, just trying to see why no one could help you with the window. I wanted to ask her why her BOYFRIEND couldn't fix her window!

I held it in. We know each other too well. She knows what I was trying to do. And I know what she was trying to do.

I bought roomie a sympathy card. Has some Proverbs in it. I wrote in it that I'm sorry about grandpa. You know that you can lean on me if you need to.

I'll give it to her on the way out of town.

Your W is so stressed. Her health, the death, her marriage, moving......top stressors there. Not that you don't have the same ones. I'm worried about her.

You are doing the right things, h4h. I hope she changes her mind about leaving.

WDID

H4H - you are doing well, but try not to be sucked in "her world" - forget what she may think or want or do. This way of thinking made miracles for me.
If she doesn't know what to do I don't think you should have decided for her. It should have been more like "If you want me to come I'll make you the favor to come, otherwise I have better things to do".
One thing I found super useful - in a book about relations and seduction etc. - I read that "you fall in love with a person NOT when you are with him, but when you THINK about him".
I think this the whole concept behind going dark - You give your partner a bit of your best self, and than let it work out in her brain..... she is going to do all the job by herself, it is like a puzzle, you give her few pieces and she builds the rest of the image in her brain.