Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Bring on the Rain - Part 3

This seems to be par for the course. Same thing in my sitch. I would ask and ask and finally just do it myself or make the decision myself. I think part of this is the WAS simply wanting to contribute nothing to the M. The other part is justification for leaving.. "See what a bad decision-maker SueS (or LO, or lwb) is??? I couldn't possibly stay married to someone like that!"

My H would be one of those H's who, if he so decided, would think he could just come back if he wanted. No work for him to do, HE is fine. I know in my heart that he thinks "Oh I could go back anytime", just blending back into my world. I wonder if your H is shocked that your 'new' world has no plans to have him involved?

Wow, your H will scramble now. He is going to have to make good on all the promises to OW, and face the cold hard truth that Sue is moving on, and basically taking D4 with her. Wow. You might see some serious lashing out soon.

I'z learnin', SG. I'z learnin'.

lwb- This was our problem the last time. After his first A, there was no counseling, no real talk about it....nothing. He just asked to reconcile & we moved on.


I think this is right on the money. He thought he'd be the one making all the moves on this deal. You know it hasn't been an easy road for me to go down, but here I am. I warned him back in Feb. that I was stronger than he ever gave me credit for.


Yes he will. If he actually follows through with moving in with her, I can guarantee that he has a lot of promises to her just sitting there waiting to be fulfilled. All our marriage he promised big things. He could just never keep any of them. Not even a small one about being home on time! And yes, I hear ya on the lashing out. I've been waiting for that to happen. The comments about how Sue talked about wanting to keep the marriage together and now she's the one doing everything to pull it apart (an apt. lease, moving boxes, wanting to talk about the seperation...etc.). Who knows what else.

LO- Did you, lwb and I marry men that were seperated at birth? They just seem to do a lot of the same things.

SueS

.......forgot to add to an earlier post that H has started to bring up how he'd love to live in CA again. His mind is wandering.

Or, at least as likely - OW decides not to live with HIM!
OMG, this REALLY p!sses me off. What an a$$.

Here's what I hear him doing - setting himself up to be the victim. He wants to be able to tell his friends and family this type of utter BS: Well, gee, I thought maybe we could work things out. I tried to remain friendly with Sue and we even ML just a few weeks before she packed up and left me. Sure, we had problems, but it was Sue who forced the issue and moved out, taking my sweet little girl away from me. Everyone should feel sorry for poor lil' ol' me....

Do NOT buy into this cr@p, not even for a second. What a slimebag!

Barf!!!! But Mr. Sue will spin it to make himself look like the better person. Sue knows better, and so does anyone around her.

Rob- My mom has said that she thinks he's setting me up to be able to say that I took everything and left also. I told her that could be possible. However, with him pushing me to look at certain places and telling me that he's not taking much of any of our belongings, I see him setting it up to be able to say -- It didn't work out, but I made sure I helped them find a new place and I let them have everything to help them out -- A way to ease his guilt. Also, as far as his friends and family are concerned (other than his new friends here) -- trust me, they know my H and they will completely understand and not believe one word he says if he tries to blame me for this. His brother told me to give him the boot. His dad told me not to take his sh*t any more. His best friend asked me what was going on with him because without my H even saying a word, he knew something was wrong. The best friend told me that I've done all I can in trying to save things and they'd understand if I left. I didn't even say a word to him. So, they all know him. They also know that if he just made some changes things could have worked out. They love him, but they know him.

I'm not sure what else I can do other than to remind him that he is the one that had an A. That he is the one that has told me that our M is over and that he is in love with someone else. I'm just doing my best to move forward.

I don't see OW backing off from wanting to live with my H. I don't know all of them, but I know he's made her a lot of promises. I know she's done with her M and she's ready to move into a new phase of an R with my H.

SueS

H has said this me. "You have to be ok. I have to know you will be ok. I will do everything I can to make you ok". I am sure he means it, and I know your H will mean it too when he says it to you. There will always be a connection between you and your H.

Saw a tiny bit of this today. H is insisting that our landlord gives us back our deposit they day we move out. The landlord, per the lease, has 21 days to do that after July 31st. I'm okay with this. H threw a fit about it yesterday. Today he called me and said...okay, I'm going to call (landlord) and tell him that he needs to have a check in hand the day he does the walk through....We didn't get 21 days to get him the deposit!.....I'm telling him either he has a check in hand or we don't send him a July rent check and we call it even. I said, Now why would we do that. Then H said...Well, it's your money that we used, so I guess it's your concern. Man he's making me angry. This is soooo typical of H. He'll throw this big fit, make a mess of things and then does nothing to straighten things out, smooth things over or work things out. I can guarantee I'll get a call from the landlord asking what's going on. I'll be the one to handle it. I don't know why he's so worked up about getting a few hundred dollars back. I know that he has his DUI to pay for now, but I also know that he had close to $3000-4000K in the bank and he just took $2600 out of his retirement (as a loan). So, he has to have in the neighborhood of $6,000 available to him. What's the big deal of waiting a couple weeks for a few hundred dollars?.....well, it's more than that but it's not 6k.

SueS

Sue,

Might he have a drug, or a gambling problem that you're unaware of?

I'm sorry if you've already covered this.

Puppy