Julia I have read your entire thread and I have to say that I am impressed with your patience and more so with your STANDING for your marriage. If you know what you want, that your heart desires your H then continue STANDING. Continue to listen to Twindad he seems to have a lot of good advice from his experience plus you get a guys POV. I myself am a little surprised that your H as put on weight, but everyone reacts differently in these situations. When my W left 2 months ago I have since lost 20lbs. in which she has really noticed and has commented on several times, but enough about me. I do agree with LolaL, you are doing fabulous!!! Hang in there, remember baby steps, and the big picture. If you find yourself wondering sometimes on what to do I would re-read which ever chapters in DR appeal to you. As you progress with H and continue to take stock/check yourself you should be able to gage how far you've come. Good luck and the best of wishes to you!
I am very proud of you! It sounds like you handled the whole meeting like a champ! Not only that, but in reading your post it sounds like the meeting was very "natural" for the two of you and not realy awkward. Considering the time apart you have had this is a good thing, especially if you want to take the friend rout back into the R. Smiles and interst onhis part at a meeting that could be potentially stale is good.
You deserve to do something nice for yourself tomorrow....make sure you do it and tell us about it! You look great, you acted great, and you showed yourself to be a strong confident women. I can just about guarantee he is thinking about you.
It sounds like your H has been burying himself in his career and the relationship sitch is taking its toll. If he isn't thinking about it during the day, then it is the nights that are keeping him up. You showed compassion in complimenting him on his looks.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Thank you so much everybody for your posts. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without you all!
I feel weird today, still a bit numb and very tired. It really took it out of me yesterday! I went for cupcakes with my friend at lunchtime and that was my treat, my second treat will be to crash in front of the TV tonight with some pasta so I will be down the gym tomorrow to compensate... I'll start my diet on Monday :-)
I sent my h a quick email to say that I appreciated him meeting me to talk yesterday - I thought about what Michelle said about reinforcing positive behaviour and that was a big step for him. I also changed the medium from the dreaded text message. As I have been dark for so long I thought that might be a surprise for him as I have never thanked him for his efforts before. Doubt I'll get a reply but hey, I won't dwell, afterall it can't make the situation worse.
I'm going to do some serious thinking this week. I feel so much better this morning for handling that meeting the way I did and feel like I have grown as a person. I really thought that pleading and showing him how upset I was would help my situation and make him 'see'. But actually it just made me lose confidence in myself and kind of feel a bit degraded as it is not a nice position to put yourself in. I see that by being strong and calm I feel so much better within myself and feel better able to handle whatever the next step is. Normally after something like that I'd be in bed hiding under the duvet, instead I am at work and reasonably happy.
Generally people have been postive when I told them about my interaction with my h but someone said something which hurt quite a lot 'all those self-help books have paid off then'. Hmmm try and ignore that one. I am kind of keeping the ffact that I saw my h private as otherwise I find people tend to project negativity unintentally on me by being negative about my h when actually he did a hard thing for himself last night. Even if things don't work out with my h at least I feel that I can try and walk away with a bit of dignity - DB has really helped me find that.
Hey JCJ, I was just checking in to see if you were doing ok. Also if anything new and productive has taken place lately. Good luck and talk to you later.
