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Major backslide! Drop kids off this morning. Had a D in a shirt I didnt have pants for. On the way over Im going over what I want to tell W, like the "what miracle...". Take them to the door, W is on phone (7am) set D down and tell W I didnt have anything that matched this thought maybe you do. "You dont have any pants, ahh." Nothing else said, W just shuts door and just get in car and think, WTF.

I get down the road, send text about S pottying bed, have a good day, and i keep praying how you seem mad all the time. W sends back, He never potties, plz dont text me anymore, you can call if you have something about the kids to discuss.

So all the way to work I try to record a vm to send her. Finally sent one saying how I would like to pick kids up everynight like I was since you get them every morning and work late, it hurts, but not like you think it does, you get to see them everyday except fri morning to sun night. Hopefully we can get together tonight or tomorrow, dont know if you are going to be there sat (with relator about the offer).

What a slam in the face. Just dont get W, I must have really done something and wonder if I should ask? Do as she says not as she does huh, especially with the kids.

Boy i know what you mean bye when you talk to her you get all screwed up!I dont know how you dont go crazy doing it all the time.

But isnt great how they only want to talk buissness only.But at least your W talks to you more then thirty seconds at a time ,even if it doesnt mean anything.

Yes i too would wish your W would here some of those things,from your group meeting,but she seems like shes got everything figured out LOL!

You take care,your still handling things better than i could right now.Good luck-Mike

I just think once we sit down and start talking, things will go alright. Its just getting to that point. Doesnt bother me to think to try to spilt things and talk about custody anymore, W knows that I want this no matter how pissy and angry she gets at me. I know how W flys off the handle pretty easy. But that time hasnt happened in forever and a day! Guess W thinks I am going to be the one to blow up (and 99% of the time, its W that does) or something, but how easy is it to get up and walk away if things are going bad like I have many times before. I know if W starts getting pissy and angry I am sure in the heck going to walk away and let her cool down, see if she calls later. Seems to be her way or the highway all the time.

I wonder if my W is hurting like me sometimes or if it is so easy 4 her 2 walk? its like she is so pissed at me and wants me 2 be hurt. Is or tries 2 be sweet when she answers phone but that doesnt ever last long. Guess all i can do is keep praying and ask 4 a miracle.

I think most of W's anger and hate towards me is not being able to set a time to talk about things, mostly about spilting stuff up, but we have and we dont fall through. Its not like its all my fault though. Just wish I knew the exact move to make everytime.

Just want that time when we hold each other and cry and tell each other how wrong we have been and how much we love each other and want this to work one last time. Been there before a few times, but this is like final straw. W feels like she has tried everything, but in reality she hasnt.

Oh well, time to go work on some engines and be around friends for a few hours. Probably come home tonight and do this and maybe some letter writing but not give it to W, and some papers for the L. Feel better now than when I first started this post.

Thinking of the next step to make. I've been burning all the pics off my computer onto cd's so I could give to W tomorrow when I think I am going to see her at the relators office tomorrow. As much as I want it to be pleasant with W tomorrow, always seems impossible, wont be able to agree on things.

Just go over stuff in my head that W has said in this past year, especially when she was crying wolf a few times she would call up and want me to come home to be a family. I wonder so much the last time W has been down and thought about things and been sadened by it all. Sat down and wrote to W but know not to send it. Nothing pressuring, just how I thought how much of a dummy I have been the past couple of years not listening to her. Also the paths we have been dealt and dealing with them.

jandn...

You aren't a dummy, quit putting yourself down. We all make mistakes that's why we are human. Some where along the road you did something or said something that ticked W off and even though you may have said sorry for it, the apology was never taken to heart by W so began the resentment. Stop beatin yourself up over it, she has not been perfect in this has she? It usually takes 2 to tango.

IMO W telling you to quit texting when it has to with the kids and call is kind of a positive that can be used to your advantage. Texting stinks and is not a true communication, can't read faces or tones to be able to go a direction. Her wanting to talk about it on the phone, gives you the ability to maybe do some 180's listen & then comment, agree when it's right, easier to sound happy, easier to validate when you don't agree with something when it's on the phone.

Keep working on yourself make her stop at think what she might be missin. Get happy with yourself, there will be good days and bad days, WE all have them I should know haha!

Take care

Brian

Yes thanks, I know there are good days and bad days and then some like today, mixed! Get bored at work sometimes and like today trying to get the D paperwork done. Will see what tomorrow holds with W, maybe I will be suprised. Have to prepare for anything.

ps, my buddies will be racing tonight! Our town didnt get as much rain as all the other tracks around here, so looks like there will be a heck of a show of cars tonight! Kick A$$! (S told me the other day he wanted to go but that mommy would have to take him)

How you hanging in there bud,Yeah racefan is right after all you have done to make it through this and your still putting yourself down!

I might have to bring out the 2x4s,if you keep that up!

You can only do the best you can do and nothing else!

At least you have the guts to try,many would not.

If there only were more men like are on this board,this world would be a much better place-Mike

Well am with her rite now w relator and aint go n 2 good. we aint talk n n e more so i am typing this 2 c what she is go n 2 say. dead set on moving 4ward w out me. says she isnt mad or angry, just wants 2 b done and said nicely u dont need 2 pray 4 me but ty n e ways.