Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? ms ladybug SQUISHED!

Ladybug,

The letter sound like it comes from the heart and is too the point. I would leave out the kids part as well.....it could be taken as being manipulative. When do you plane to give it to him?

ditto what jon said, stbx always thought I was manipulative if I told him something the kids said when he was away.

OK. That was meant to tug on the heartstrings. It's been removed. I polished it up some, and I'll send it later today.

On a good note, I've been trying to lose weight and have been on Weight Watchers for a year. Last night, I reached my goal wt and was so excited. I couldn't help it, but I sent a text to h that said, "@ goal wt!", and got a reply "GOOD JOB!" That was nice.
When d4 called him last night to say good-night, he told her he couldn't talk and he'd call her back later. Often when he's at work, if he's in the middle of something he can't talk. Well, he didn't call back until 2AM (obviously he knew he wouldn't be talking to d4 at that hour). He told me he felt bad that he couldn't call her back and that he was in the middle of a big call that took up most of his night. I asked about it and he told me a little. He also told me that he felt bad about a mistake he made on that call that put other officers in jeapordy. Even, though nothing happened, he said he felt really bad about making that mistake. We talked a little about my weight loss and then he got off the phone. It was a 7min conv, but the first time he's called just to talk. So, I thought that was positive.

Yes. That's very positive.

Hey! Congrats to you on getting to your goal! That's a big deal!

(((((ladybug)))))

I don't think I have posted to you before but I have followed your story. Just wanted to say congratulations on your reaching your goal weight - and for your conversation with your h! All really positive.

Jeff, thanks for stopping by. This is precisely why I stay away from your threads...too much food, picnics, and potlucks. Not good for the weight loss.

Julia, I've been following your story too. Sounds like your a VERY strong woman. You did well with your dinner.

Here's the email revised:

H,
I want you to know that I’m writing this with no expectations. I don’t expect you to respond.

I’m coming to terms with a lot of things…things that I take responsibility for. A large part of this was stemming from my pride. So, the first thing I want to do is apologize. I’m sorry. I betrayed your trust and I didn’t show you respect. You deserved none of that. Respect is unconditional, and I put conditions on it. That was unfair to do to you. I made promises to you that I didn’t keep, not only betraying your trust, but obliterating my integrity. I have denigrated virtually every complaint that you have made about me. In order to what? Feel better about myself? That’s more than selfish, that’s stupid. I am so sorry. I know my behavior was very painful to you. I don’t every want to do that again. I have had a hand in destroying our family and hurt our kids more than they know right now.

For some reason, I needed to be in control, and I needed to be right. You’re right, look where it got me. I’ve stripped away my pride, and come to the humble place where I accept that I’m no longer in the driver’s seat (not easy for me). But, God is at the wheel, and I simply have to enjoy the ride.

I was recently asked, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I’m done being “right”. Now I just want to be happy.

Again, thank you for having loved me, and thank you for your willingness to die for me. I hope that you can accept my apology, even if it’s not in you to forgive me.

Contritely,
ms Bug


Any other suggestions? He's going to work now, so he won't see it until early tomorrow morning...if he checks his email.