Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy How do I stop obsessing

Lynn,

It's even MORE imperative with children. Do you want your children growing up in an environment where their mother is dating other men, while being married to their father?

However, that being said, it CANNOT merely be a "bluff" on your end. A boundary is a demarcation line of personal integrity, something that -- if crossed -- you CANNOT abide. So, by definition, WHATEVER your boundaries are going to be, for you personally, they need to be what you cannot live with, because it violates your own personal integrity.

If having an emotional affair with another man is NOT something for which you're willing to let the marriage end, then don't do what I'm advocating. I'm assuming it was.

So long as she knows you won't do anything about it, she will continue to cake-eat.

Puppy

Well Puppy that last post wasn't mine, but no worries

I just talked to one of the coaches here and it did help. I do think the boundaries discussion is a good idea, but I'm thinking it may be too soon, especially if she is on the edge.

It's only hurting me to obsess about it. Doing something about it feels like the right thing to do, but wouldn't be the 180 that I need to focus on with her now. Even if I bring up the agreement and say that maybe we should clarify she's gonna see that as me asking about the relationship. I'm not going to do anything until our talk day on Sunday anyway. I got some good advice from the DB coach and I'm gonna use that. If she brings it up, or talks about it, or tells me that she is having one, then I'll have to go from there. Either way even if it is all true and it is out in the open what does it matter. I need to GAL and focus on that. If I do that correctly she will come around eventually...I hope.

Lynn

OK, good luck.

Puppy