Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Heartsick Over The Big D

it's better this way hon, let the whole thing go.

Thanks cat.

I tried and nothing worked. Letting go...letting whatever shoe drops next.

The End.

and it's also the beginning for a new life for you, dont' forget that.

Thanks you guys.

I want this to end. It hurts so much, but I want this to end.

Our anniversary is coming up and I want to send H an email telling him that I want to end this amicably.

I can't see going on like this because the financial and emotional toll is too great.

((((((Kimmie))))))

I know you're hurting. Gee it's been less than a year. Of course you're still hurting but I do promise it will get easier. In the meantime, don't sell yourself short financially. I know that you want this to end, (as you should) but you also have to be smart. What is agreed upon now will be very hard to change in the future. Make sure you understand anything that you are asked to sign. Do you have your own lawyer?

We're here for you Sweetie!

Love,
Bethie

Thanks Bethie.

I do have a L and I would never sign away my financial future. I want to make an offer to H that is less than what he has been ordered to pay temporarily. And I want to do that now before we have to go back to court for the maintenence review.

Ok well that sounds better. I was a little nervous after I read your previous thread.

There is no getting around it, this is a very sad sitch to be in, but it will get easier.............

good luck K))))))))))

Thanks so much you guys. It's been awhile and nothing to report.

I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop as far as getting our D finalized. I have not heard from my H except for some medical bills he sent in the mail. No note, just sent me the bills in an envelope.

We don't communicate at all, just this wall of ice for the past four months that I just can't figure out how to penetrate. I emailed him in a very neutral way just before Fathers Day; nothing. Silence.

How do I DB at all? I know I said I was "done" before, but I still wrack my brain for something to do that will help. I obviously have been pitch black, no pursuing, and I have not even been back to my C because she is now counseling H and his OW to help them be successful in their new relationship. Nice, huh? They are engaged and H is still married to me.

When is this A going to burn out? When will there be trouble in paradise?

I have given H space, not pursued, never cried or begged, never asked H "why, why, why?", never talked about R, (except to ask if he wanted to to speak with our priest together, but that was way back in February), never talked to his family, nothing.

I now think that DB is wrong about not pursuing. I think I should have asked H "Why?", I should have done SOME pursuing. Now, I can't. And I believe that there is such a thing as too much space. It really does make your H believe that everything is OK and they have nothing to feel guilty about. It simply reinforces their idea that they made the right decision in walking away.

Thanks for listening.

(((((((((((Kimmie))))))))))))

Honey we've all been where you are at this moment. Your sitch has moved at such a whirlwind pace and now you find yourself not only on the verge of divorce but you still haven't had time to figure this whole thing out and to even get used to the idea. I don't believe that we really even start to heal until the divorce is behind us, but you will heal and perhaps if he falls on his face, or his new relationship colapses, it will be your decision if there is even going to be a future with ex.

Whatever happens, you will be happy again.

Love,
Bethie