He is so nice to all his friends that we saw, but so much anger and almost contempt I think for me.
This killed me last summer. H was nice and respectful to everyone but me for SO long. It just felt like a knife cutting me slowly. And yes, cry about it. It hurts. Your H is realizing he can't cake-eat by having his life and controlling yours as well. H scoffed at a few changes I made when he was having the A/moved out. But I always calmly informed him of the changes, let him grumble, and moved on with my day.
His anger won't always be there, and you aren't the source. You are just the easy target. Not fair, but it seems to be the norm for our situations. Thinking of you.
Karen, why are you up sooo late? This isn't like you.
kat
Nope, I usually go to bed around 11 or so, but I woke up in the middle of the night last night, upset about last night, and couldn't sleep! I did go back to sleep after an hour or so I got tired again. I was upset.
It's funny b/c last night, H was really mad about my switching the doctor the whole night. And I was saying on the phone on the way home (we were talking on the phone) I was sorry about something I had done in the past (when I was depressed last year & I try not to do that but it came out) and he said that doesn't bother him anymore, but what I'm doing now, like switching the doctors does. And he had said earlier won't ever appreciate me, etc. And then I said I think you know in your heart I am doing my best now and H didn't say anything b/c I think he knows it's true (although even when I was depressed I guess I did the best I could then although my best wasn't very good then)!!!
But I'm not feeling as low as I did yesterday, thank goodness, I guess actually he's not always acting distant anymore; if he didn't care about me, would he get so upset? So I guess his being mad is an improvement over him acting distant (I guess)??? So I'm trying to look at the positive again! Karen
(((Karen)))its ok to be upset and its ok to cry. You can't be shiny and happy all of the time, if you can then I need the name of whatever you're taking
You did fine with H. Its totally reasonable to change their doctor to someone who is more convenient for you and if he doesn't like it then he can take care of it.
Have a great day and don't let his crap bring you down.
Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I don't understand why your husband would get so upset at you switching doctors to someone nearby. It makes absolutely no sense to me. And then for him to speak to you the way he does... it infuriates me and it makes me very sad. In fact, I feel sorry for HIM because something is seriously, seriously, seriously wrong with him.
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. Don't let it get you down, Karen.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
(((Karen)))its ok to be upset and its ok to cry. You can't be shiny and happy all of the time, if you can then I need the name of whatever you're taking
Corey
Um, that would be Prozac! Good stuff! Of course I'm also doing therapy, trying to GAL, and I hate to say it but my H moving out helped too (getting yelled at a lot probably brings most people down). Thanks for letting me know I'm not the crazy one. GFI, you're right, I know my H has some kind of control issues and gets very upset when I decide where I want to live or decisions about the house or whatever. And I do wonder if he "villainizes" me a bit to help with the guilt of being with the OW while married (if I was a good person then what kind of person would he be?).... Karen
Glad to see that you're feeling better today. I'd like to give your H an boot in the behind. To be upset that you switched doctors when he's not the one who has to take the kids anyway? Silly. My H doesn't even know where our D4's doctor is.
Yes, your H has to make you the bad person in his mind to ease his guilt about leaving you. You're a good person and deep down he knows it.
Have a good weekend.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Karen, if you want to push back the time I am fine with it. Just let me know what time you were thinking.
kat
Well, what time are you going to get back from sailing and be able to watch? B/c that should be fine with me! Oh, so H just emailed me Are you going to take D8 to the track meet next week? And I emailed back: I hadn't decided yet. Are you going to be there? I can't believe I did that! Was that too nasty do you think??? Karen
Karen