Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis How Much BS do I believe?!

Just remember a strong person and good choices do not require validation. Right now you need it, down the road you shouldn't.

Does anyone ever feel like they want to see their H (W's) so badly and when they finally reach out you are feeling so good about yourself that you dont want any drama and dont even really want to see them?

this is probably fear and anxiety...but i get so agitated to see him....it is upsetting.
we haven't seen each-other in almost 4 weeks~! and i am supposed to see him tomorrow...

any suggestions- i know this is part of detaching and im slowly getting there :-)

I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY!

Life gets easier when you don't see them for a while. You get a break from their spinning and drama. You know when you see them that there is a chance of being sucked in again. As time goes on you get stronger and you realize that this is so much the MLC'ers problem.

I remember last year everytime I saw my H my heart would break. All the old feelings would come flooding back and I got desperate to have him back home.

Now when I see him, it is easier. My emotions don't take over and I have accepted him as he is. A man in MLC. I am able to continue on with my life without becoming obsessed with his every move/action/statement.

Pisces,

: ) the toughest choice I ever made was to take her back. So yeah, I understand.

Hello!!

had a spontanious lunch! i like that better-not as much build up.

well i did see him and it went VERY well...
talked about a lot of stuff (mostly him) i listened very well- affirmed and just had a good time.
i was ok with the silence...it was a little weird but i just smiled.
he said you look good- new hair color? he said he almost didnt recognize me- ive lost alot of weight...and i look GOOD !

so i said it was nice to see you- i hope we can do it again!

i rubbe dhis back...poor guy needs some touching! (me too!) he didnt reciprocate but thats ok...

he said yeah- "we can talk about things"...

every time he says that my automatic brain takes me to a place of fear of the unknown...or that he will say the words again- BUT he hasnt done that!

so overall it was VERY good and positive...he needs to know i am strong and can handle anything..i need to know this too and i truly believe in myself more than i ever have in my whole life.

now i just need to slow down again- take it baby step by baby step...

thank goodness for all of your support!

i feel VERY GOOD!!!

rollercoatser! i feel sick-
so i get an email tonight after our good lunch experience above....

he said he wants to meet to discuss the next step in the process of our relationship...but the email is also riddled with is sadness...and guilt (not good) as he is depressed more than MLC...he is sad bc our dog didnt seem to get to excited to see him and he said in the email he was heartbroken...
he said is also happy to see i am doing so well..that one of his fears was that i would be doing poorly...but im not..

so many confusing words.

my fear is that he wants to talk about D...but i dont know why i fear that.

i also was invited this summer by my bro to europe.. invited my H today- very casually in a joking kind of way light and funny...he said thank you for the invite tonight on the email and he cant even believe i would ask him to come w me after what he has done to our relationship.....but he truly appreciates it...

why am i having such a hard time viewing this email as positive? it is the first email he has written since he left our house 2 months ago that had any R talk in it...

ideas/advice?

i know to stay calm and cool.
listen and validate.
no pressure
do not react.

i feel like i need to detach more- i am happy with how much i have done but i still am emotionally dragged around by what he says...i have been told hre on this board so many times to not believe anything of what they say....that is hard..luckily this email came when i have GAL, PMA and detached enough so i am not a wreck..

i am just feeling sick right now..i was so excited after today and now this...i need to look at this like a positive thing.

I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT! I NEED TO SLEEP!

If your H is truly in MLC this is one of many rollercoaster turns. He will go back and forth, loving one time, wanting a divorce the next, anger the next. You are still very early in the game. Most go 18 months - 2 years before any progress is seen coming home or wanting to come home.

No expectations is the key....

thanks- i truly done know if he is in MLC or depression or both....i am really working on no expectations now....

its hard and im trying to stay positive.

thanks for your info...we did S 2 years ago and my DB coach said this is still his way of healing from that...

we are meeting for a walk/talk tonight-
PMA!
calm, quiet, confident, unconditional love...
thats ALL i need to remember!

wish me LUCK!

keeping you in mind