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nlt:

Try not to focus so much on what he says.

Think of it this way: He has been taken captive by the enemy. And many times, they do not remember everything they say/do.

GO and read some of Charlyne Cares information on this and I think you will be comforted.

(((Steelersfan)))

Thank you so much! You made me feel better & that's where I've been Charlyne Cares.

I hope he doesn't remember what he was thinking at that time. He was so hateful. He seemed to be making stuff up in his head, well some he would just add to it & make it so bad. I hope he will start to remember all the good times we had together.

Thanks again!!!

NLT..
That is true about them not remembering things...I didn't think it was until during my backslide I had mentioned something that H said to D15 and she remembers it well....I told H I couldn't believe he said it...and he said I didn't say that...I said, "oh, yes you did and your daughter is replaying it in her head over and over"....so he jumped in and said wellll.....then it was the truth if I said it....LOLOLOLOL!!!He even believes his lies.....I just looked at him like he had 4 heads....

Yeah....they don't remember but I totally understand what you are saying when you replay the hurtful words and everything...yes they stick but like SF said and YR....we've all heard it...it's just hard to let it go....I'm still dealing with all that....and thank God SF and YR are here to help us...along with all the rest...they'll come back...eventually...

I've visited Charlene Cares....and I just have to make more time to read everything...I get the daily stuff now but I want to go read the success stories....

Treese

I can tell you that there were things my H said in the beginning of this mess back in 2005. I told him some of the things he did/said and he does not have any recollection of it!

Some of the things he said were to his own daughters and when I told him he said those things on more than one occasion to them, I think I really crushed him as he looked visibly shaken.

Really, they don't remember many things but other things they do remember.

I would also recommend Bob's books as they were so helpful.

I feel your pain. Remember they often project things, meaning they say things that look as if they are directed at you, but they really are things they think of themselves.

When they spew they are often angry at themselves.

Trusting is right.

When all of this happened and thank God, the anger lasted less than a year, I had called my H's sister who is a lawyer and counsleor.

She was the first one to tell me about projecting.

Don't take it all personally but I know how much it hurts and you also hurt for your kids, too.

SF;
Yes.....My H did look shaken when I mentioned what he said to D15...like...what???....I didn't say that....then of course they try to cover it with something else...

I can't say that my H has ever been mean....raised his voice a few times but he doesn't come across mean at alll..

When I loaded the stuff by myself in the car last week he called me a marter cause I shouldn't be lifting a grill...and said I was doing it because I was mad...yes I was mad but I had to get my son to bball....it had to be done and he was to busy traveling back from OW house to get there on time....

My H avoids me at all costs....if he needs to be here at 11:00, I can guarantee he will be here at 10:59...seriously...it's ridiculous..and then comes in with his smirk on his face...and the "HI"...anyway if he wants to pretend to be happy....tell his friends he's getting divorced...Yes, that is what he is telling them...that it's a mutual decision..blah, blah, blah....then so be it....I guess that's his justification...

I did pray the Hedge of Thorns....now I hope it works in time...I will pray it every day....

Treese:

I am sorry to hear he is telling his friends he is getting divorced and that it is mutual. That is one thing I never had to deal with. He threatened it twice when he was in his anger stage long ago but did not do anything.


Really, these guys are like teenagers.

And his friends tell him...."ya gotta do what ya gotta do"...

He says we can't live in limbo....we have to do something....

That is why I feel defeated...There is absolutely nothing I can do...I have to sit back and wait for someone to show up on my doorstep with papers....and he will get the money from OW or his sister....

I did tell him to quit telling people this was a mutual thing becuase I would correct it if I had to...the truth will come out...

I'm praying and hoping that he doesn't go through with it...

Guess we'll have to wait and see...

Treese

Let him do all the work if that is what he plans to do.

He will soon find out that a D costs a lot more than he realizes.

A D does not have to be the end. I have heard of marriages being restored after a divorce.