I am a bit ticked off at me. I didn't have an R talk with H but I kind of had a stupid cheeseless tunnel "discussion" I showed that I didn't trust that he was telling me the truth and told him that he shouldn't lie to me. He claims he wasn't lying. There went the acting "as if" for the week!
Now he's curt with me and I'm hurt that he's being curt. Even though I know why he's in the mood he's in I feel bad about it. So I called him back and made it all about me. You see that is why I told people a few threads back that I'm really good at playing the martyr. I know how to avoid these "discussions" but keep having them anyways.
I think I'll try NC for 2 days (Tomorrow and Friday). I can't see him or hear him without wanting to yell at him for doing this to our family. I'm angry tonight for every little G damn thing and I had to get on here to vent so I don't call him and enter another cheeseless tunnel. I feel like a little mouse asking "where's the cheese?" and then smacking my head with the back of my hand and saying "F I did it again!!"
Agggh WAS are so -------------!! You can all fill in the blanks on that one.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Just pick youself back up again and act "as if". Start tomorrow off like nothing negative happened today. I know what you mean, I think I headed down more cheesless tunnels than I know what to do with. Each time I think, she is finally getting what I am saying so now we discuss things.....wrong.
You still have time to have him enjoy you while before you head out. I agree WAS are a pain in the backside. It just hurts so much that they don't seem to value what is most important in our lives.
As far as him saying it is not your place to forgive, it almost sounds like he is saying it is he that should be th eone to forgive you for making his life so miserable that he had no choice but to walk away. I am not sayoing I agree with this, but I would guess that this is classic WAS verbage.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
What he said was that it wasn't his place to forgive. I had called him to apologise for the mistrust on my part. I guess he was trying to tell me he was tired of the apologies. He told me 3 days ago that he didn't want me to apologize anymore for the same crap.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I have to agree with him. Definitely stop saying you are sorry, unless it is really bad. It only makes you look like you have no conviction and he will lose respect. Having said that, I have always been an appologizer....I don't like to see my W upset.
For the little stuff lately I have saying stuff like, "thats no big deal, or it wasn't meant to grate you, or its all good". But not the Appologize word. Sometimes we need to let them knwo that we are not a doormat (sometimes easier said then done).
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
A song by Mika that I've taken a liking to. Its called relax - Take it Easy
Took a right to the end of the line Where no one ever goes. Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know. But the pain and the (longings) the same. (Where the dying Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help.)
Relax, take it easy For there is nothing that we can do. Relax, take it easy Blame it on me or blame it on you.
It’s as if I’m scared. It’s as if I’m terrified. It’s as if I scared. It’s as if I’m playing with fire. Scared. It’s as if I’m terrified. Are you scared? Are we playing with fire?
Relax There is an answer to the darkest times. It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind Is to leave you. I believe that we’re in this together. Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.
Relax, take it easy For there is nothing that we can do. Relax, take it easy Blame it on me or blame it on you. (Repeat 3 times)
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Good song Jen, Some good goals as well, it looks like you have come fair ways since posting them initially.
Today was a hard day for me. I am not sure why. I had the kids, I went to work. I just can't seem to focus. It has been a long time since we had a R talk (much longer than our contest). She just seems to be reaching out a lot
- Not happy with her job (complaining to me) - Doesn't like waking up with the kids not there, I told her it is like me not liking it when they are not there when I get home - She has been making more and more contact - She said this whole situation just sucks - I actually spent the night there Monday
It has taken a lot of patience to not have a R talk or to at least ask for an end to this S. I just don't want to blow it.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Thanks G-force, I didn't know those were classic WAS quotes. Do you think it means she is looking to turn the corner? Or is this just what they do, try to turn themselves into the victim?
No, just being sarcastic. Those are quotes from my W over the past few months. No, I don't think they indicate any corner-turning. Just the reality distortion field they create for themselves.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Just chiming in - I agree, don't worry about your spat. Reminds me of my heated exchange from the other night. Today's a fresh new day, remember? I also think apologies are counter-productive at this point. The day after the bomb, I thought if I just looked W into the eyes and gave the most sincere apology I could, she would just melt and say OK, I forgive you. Ha. It just focuses him on the reasons he wants to leave. Give him reasons to stay.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
