Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Still trying to be patient 4

I agree. You are allowed to have friends, aren't you?

Karen, maybe seeing the OM will make him a little jelous? This is your life now, you should not worry about what your H thinks. Did he worry about your feelings when he was with OW? No. You have things under control. Go out have a good time and have a few drinks d@mint!! Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

I think so, but feels weird to go out with a guy friend when your H is there, but what can you do? So I emailed him Great, I'm going to a party you can watch the kids like I was happy about this! He emails back: Cool, and I'm going to come over Friday too. So I guess he is fine with it? Karen

Hon, It doesn't matter whether he is fine or not. This isn't about him this is about you. make sure you remember these words and repeat them back to me if I ever get around to doing the same thing!

kat

If it's not a date -- a one-on-one venue with someone of the opposite sex -- then don't worry about it. When there are other people in the social gathering and no implied "couple" messages, then you should be free and clear.

But on the other hand, your H doesn't need to know that it is innocent or not. In fact, say as little to him about it as possible. Be nonchalant. Let him fret over it for a change.

Babysitters around here are as young as 12. So I agree with PDT - don't feel bad about leaving S14 to watch the younger ones, and no explanation is needed to H about it.

You also don't have to explain your night out to H, but I understand the desire to avoid the discussion and/or confrontation all together. Could you meet your friend somewhere rather than having him come to the home and possibly cross paths with H?

Karen - thanks for keeping up with my post. It sounds like you have a fun night planned and you can play it however you are comfortable. On the one hand I would say let him squirm when the friend picks you up, but on the other hand if it is going to stress you to do that, maybe meet him somewhere or have him call when he gets there and go outside to meet him. I have a plutonic male friend as well that I have just started hanging out with. He was in my college clique and has been through a divorce too so he knows I am in blah-land and not interested in more than friendship, but it is nice to have attentive male company that isn't a split personality cheating maniac! Enjoy your night and let us know how it goes!

Check out gForce's thread. He could use some sunshine!

kat

I will, Kat! Thanks everyone! OK, update on my night: H got here almost an hour earlier than he ever does. I said Wow, you're here early and he said yeah. Then I went out and it was just a group party of all my theatre friends and we watched a tape of the play, it was funny, I had 2 drinks, so my writing is not that great sorry, but I didn't go crazy. I laughed almost the whole night it was so fun.

I left early, we were the first to go b/c even though I told H I wouldn't be late, he could leave his usual 9-9:30, I had a feeling he'd be there to see how late I was. So yes, H was there when I got home about 10:30 and said You need to tell me when you're going out, b/c I don't want to leave the kids alone! I think I cleverly said, but I knew you were here so they would be just fine!!! Of course, he forgets when I was doing the play there were several nights the kids were home alone until about 10:30 or a little later when I would be in the play and H would be out on a date with OW! So I don't quite understand why things have changed so much???

I did have my guy friend meet me at the theatre across the street, mostly b/c I didn't want H knowing who I was going with, and then he dropped me off at the front of the house, so H prob. didn't see him then either, but if he did I really wouldn't care. I also wore a Victoria's Secret hot-pink kind of low-cut blouse just to mess with H b/c I have my little evil side, I told my friend sorry for the shirt (b/c I never wear lower-cut shirts) but I'm messing with H! I don't think he was upset though and it wasn't that low cut of course! Karen

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