Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis still back

Happy Fathers Day BF.

Hug your boys and remember how important you are in their lives.


Blessings,

Bill

Seconded.... Happy fathers day Richie.....

thanks guys

This is going to be long.

First off, I would like to say think you to those that have helped and supportd me through this fiancee situation. To make a long story short. Shee needed some money that I owed her(she offered it cuz we were a team). I came through and when we met to give it to her, she came with her BF. She was smug, and text me that the last of it wasn't to be worried about, that way she didn't have to have anymore contact with me ever again. I did reply that I would be paying her on Thursday, and that as long as she has this attitude no contact was cool. I do not put up with this crap from anyone....even her. No reply, that's fine, she will test waters again in a few days in which case I will let her know that I love her and miss her and s11, but as long as she is going to hurl baseless anger at me, she needs to leave me alone. It is what I need to do, the workplace crush will fizzle and hopefully she will get healthy, not so we can make it work, but healthy, period. I know that it wasn't a legal marriage so maybe I got a little heat for hanging on, and you know, my outlook is still hopefull with this girl. She needs to go through what she needs to go through and then we will see. I have faith in her and faith that it is right. That's all I'm gonna speak on that, most of us have seen similiar situations, we know what can be expected.

That doesn't mean that is all I'm gonna speak.
Richie's baggage.
Financial
XW

I had no business getting into a serious getting ready for a new life relationship. Taking a step back I now know that. The financial baggage stressed me, and the XW baggage wore me down. The financial is simple and will be taken care of soon. A fresh start. Finally no more paycheck to paycheck, and no more ancor from a past life holding me down. It is a freeing feeling

XW
enough said?

nope

I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she believs some untrue things. I atoned for them and nothing changed. So we have to ask ourselves what is the true root of this? It is a question that needs to be asked, because 2 weeks ago she interfered in my private personal life. She took a confused hurt woman who was in love with me and manipulated her into hate. Of course we can't put all of it on Kari, XF is a big girl, but we can't ignore either. I need to leave this behind me once and for all. I walked around with anger, never forgiving her for leaving. I have done that. XW and her husband loath me. I know that XW has lied to him about me about several things to fuel this. I am not trying to act as a victim because I realize that my differences between appeasement and anger have somewhat fueled this MLC fire. I am coming to the realization though, that it goes beyoned this. There is no indifference in her. Perhapse she paniced whe she heard about the M? Or was jelouse that XF is a good woman whom I and the boys loved. Whatever is is, I need to (legaly) quash this. I need to fight. And I am emotionally drained at this point. MY mother is about to go into hospisc care(very nice facility) with months to live, my Fiancee split outta nowhere 2 weeks ago, and I have come to the realization that in my head anyway, I havent really been the best I could be. With all this at once, I have again put on the breaks. XW is treating me worse than ever despite, or maybe, enlight of my mothers situation. This needs to stop, it will stop, I just need youall to tell me how. I got a fire lit up under my @$$, and I need to do something before it goes out.....or makes me explode.

You already know my answer my friend...


"Let's play 'global thermonuclear war'"

"A strange game. The only way to win, ins not to play the game."

Play YOUR game.

my game has been appeasment. when we talked you said i needed to put her in her place. i don't think that going proactive on her would be the best because she(thus everyone she knows) would view this as an attack. this is where i am stuck. how do i build a boundry, find a safe place, without appeasement or ignoring her? she needs to be shown that her behavior is unacceptable. is it a matter of telling her that i am not going to listen to it and hang up? that simple?

i think it is that simple Tiger

she is getting a reaction from you which is what she wants

you don't give her one and eventually she may tire of trying

may tire

may not

but you will have removed yourself from burning distance

s9 wants to be in rugby for the summer, it is durring xw time so i told him to run it by her....
(cue europes the final countdown ringtone)
me: hello
her: yeah, if you want s9 to do this rugby thing then it's on you, i already told you that i had classes with s4
me: yeah, i had him run it by you because we are both his parents and it is both of our decisions
you: well this is on you
me: okie dokie
her:
<click>

15 minutes pass by
(cue dukes of hazzard text message tone)
her:
U say ok like i did somethig wrong. I told u i had class with s4. U b the good or bad guy. Don't make me b.
me:
Ran it by U cuz it's ur time with him. Simple as that. Not a good or bad guy thing. Chill Kar
her:
don't tell me what to do. my name is kari
me:
OMG!!!! I'm gonna take you on Dr Phill
-----
k just kidding about the dr phill part. I didn't respond at all. I figure being me is the best bet.


Haven't heard from XF, she wants no contact with me, but seemed to enjoy the fact that I saw her and new dude together when I had to give her some money I owed her(he drove). A friend told me that neither of them have been going to work. She has no leave time so she won't be getting paid. I do worry about her, but am detached enough that I won't let it affect me. Had a big faith day today, believe that something happened. A lot of signs without looking for them. I feel like I want to pray her out of this, because no one else gives a damn about her. So legaly she isn't my wife, I guess I say big deal, she deserves compassion and a little faith in her as much as anyone else. I have nothing bad to say about her. And I miss her and her son. I am strong enough to be with her or without her, but I am going to go with-with her. It is bizzare because our breakup had very little to do with our R, and it was out of no where.

I always rise up from the situation I am in. I will be okay, and my boyz and I will have a good life. I am a strong man, and my baggage is finally behind me. I have learned a valuble lesson. Don't start something new, until the old is gone. The old is gone.

I like that. I need to remember that also.

i don't know why, it feels like the right thing to do
i am thinking of sending this email to xf

XF, I can't help that you believe the things about me that you do. I don't defend myself against lies, what is true is for you to sort out, I have faith that you eventually will. Commiting to put over 2 years of baggage behind me, I have realized that a realationship with you would have been ufair to all of us without doing so. I can now have the life that I have wanted for my boys and I, stress free and without past debts hindering me. I invited you to share that life because I value you, and love your and S11 company. You are a wonderful woman, and an awesome mother. The fact that you choose to no longer be a part of this is a regrettable loss, but out of my hands. I can't force you, and we are both above me begging. I wish you and S11 nothing but the best, and will always look at the time we spent together as the funnest and most fulfilling of my life. Catch ya later, Richie