You have done everything you could to be open with him and make changes for your own good. There's honestly nothing else you could have done and IMHO you need to walk away.
Don't worry. Worry gets you nowhere except more worried!!!
Pass that final and finish school. Let H spin in the wind. His problem. What a jacka$$!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
And remember, my sitch didn't start turning until I signed the dang papers! All of them!
This really isn't as bad as it seems. You'll feel so much better tomorrow.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
If I drag this out, I think he'll only get more agitated/angry and worse, it'll give him a reason to direct it all at me - it makes me a very easy target for all his negative emotions if I "thwart" him on this.
I have felt the same way in my sitch. Lately, I have been trying to avoid any and all R talks with my H because I simply don't want to have them. I already know we're getting D'ed; I just don't want to talk about it!
But yes, my avoidance is NOT helping much. It DOES just make him angrier and angrier with me. I cannot take anymore of the animosity here. That is why I have to let go. It's not what I ever really wanted, but for me, it's time to face the reality of the situation.
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But I don't know if I can bring myself to sign the summary dissolution. I don't want a D. I want my REAL H back!!!
I certainly wish I could have my real H back, too, because this guy......well......he just sucks.
People change, and unfortunately, it's not always for the better.
Sometimes we have no choice other than to finally accept what is right in front of us. A changed person.
I had to agree with my soon-to-be-ex H on something today. He said to me, "All I want to know is one thing. Wouldn't you agree that we don't get along anymore?" I had been avoiding that question for too long because I was too damn stubborn to accept and admit it, but today, I did finally agree with him, and you know what? It wasn't so bad.
Get some rest, sweetie, if you possibly can. We're all going to be thinking of you tonight.
(((((((Michelle)))))))
Last edited by GoingForward; 06/09/0808:16 PM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I tend to agree with what everyone else has said - sometimes, people change, and not in a good way. And sometimes they stay that way.
Only you can make the decision, but I tend to agree with you that it might be time to give it up and let him go. Any more "stalling" is just going to make him angrier, as you said. And doing this will make him face the reality of D sooner. As hard as it will be, if whatever offer he's making is fair and within the law, it may be time to sign.
(((Michelle)))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Is it too late to schedule a massage for after your final?
You sure deserve it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
GF, I think at some point all these WAS's need to realize that we'll make it without them, and that they can't control us any more. At that point, the anger really kicks up. But it can be a turning point also.
I'm still against any DB'er filing, but WAS needs to know that we aren't standing in the way.
Of course, Michelle's H is pulling the same BS my W pulled. "Hey, I'm too lazy/broke to file, will you do it for me? Oh, and if you don't, I'm going to get more angry and threaten you."
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Michelle, also proud of you for posting all this. When my W forced me to sign at Christmas, I was too embarrassed to post it on here. Gosh, that was 6 months ago.
It's a lot easier to post good news than bad.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
GF, I think at some point all these WAS's need to realize that we'll make it without them, and that they can't control us any more. At that point, the anger really kicks up. But it can be a turning point also.
I'm still against any DB'er filing, but WAS needs to know that we aren't standing in the way.
Did I give the impression of suggesting Michelle should file? That was clearly not my intention if it came across that way.
When I suggested that perhaps it's time to let go, I meant perhaps it's time to quit thwarting him on the idea of at least a legal S. It is clearly Michelle's decision to make, and I totally respect that. However, I just think her not wanting to let go is due to being stubborn and not wanting to feel "defeated" in a way. Like me. And by not letting go of that, all it really does is cause more pain and friction for them both.
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Of course, Michelle's H is pulling the same BS my W pulled. "Hey, I'm too lazy/broke to file, will you do it for me? Oh, and if you don't, I'm going to get more angry and threaten you."
Michelle's H filed something for either a legal S or D. He sent the papers to her parents' house. She hasn't had a chance to pick them up yet to see exactly what they are.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
