He's never said he wants to work on the R but he has said that he's trying.. as in there are times when he wants to come home and other times when he's quite content to stay gone.
He's a mixed message guy 100%.
As for the ad.. yeah, I was pleasantly surprised about that myself!!!
I guess it's good that he's trying, although that must be very trying/tiring for you. Your H reminds me of K's a bit- ongoing confusion for no reason.....
I think they both need a bit of a 2x4. The baby steps are positive though aren't they- what you're doing is working!
It sounds great that he still wants to support you as part of his family. I wish my W had your attitude and want to support herself.
I like to take pictures of stuff before my W has a garage sale and put the garage sale ad on Craigslist with a link to all the junk we are selling and giving away for free. It sure helps get more people if you have free stuff. One mans garbage is another mans treasure.
It is amazing how quickly people respond to ads. I think some people live on Craiglist.
Your situation sounds a bit similar to BritInOhio's in that his W seems to come and go with the family together thing. That seems so frustrating dealing with someone that is so wishy washy.
I'm thinking the nicer weather has people out GALing.
W2G, The nicer weather has got most of my "normal" (not DBing) friends going various places and doing various things so they are unavailable for days or weeks at a time. So for the last couple of months I see that normal people are more likely to visit Limboland in the Winter. And today was the last day of school for my kids.
W2G, If you are not happy with the way things are going you may want to try to change some things. Perhaps don't make yourself as available to H, especially when he changes his plans and doesn't let you know in advance. I think things really started to turn around in my sitch when I started to enforce boundaries. I did this for my own detachment but it also made H take action. Just some suggestions.
HUGS
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I am so impressed with you. I am sorry that H is acting like he is in an intensive training program for DAM !!!
It sounds like it could be REALLY helpful to not always be available and to clearly enforce boundaries. It seems like almost all of the irritation you are posting about is boundary-related.
Quote:
I didn't say it with "emotion" or anything.. just stated that next time a call would be nice.. but then of course he got a little defensive and stated he was so busy the day just got away from him.. he didn't even eat anything all day... all of which is NOT MY PROBLEM!
Other than that, he came and reheated dinner. Then we took D2 to DQ for ice cream. When we arrived he turned to me and said "What are you having my love?" One of the forms of endearment he used to say a lot but doesn't do really now.. so that could be a good thing.
I am wondering if maybe these two events are related? you standing up for yourself and your boundaries, and then him calling you "my love"? Might be worth tracking the data as an experiment.
I LOVED the dialogue where you said: I have yoga at 3 pm. MM!! do it, do it, put your back into it!
It kind of reminds me of something I realized after last weekend's meeting with B. Basically like, whooo knows how TF long this is going to take, so it is just more important than ever for me to have my own things going on. just like your 3 pm yoga classes!!!
I am very impressed with your financial goals.
ALSO, "we are a family even if we're nonfunctional right now"?? plus the "my love"?? those sound MEGA POSITIVE TO ME!!!!
((((WHERE)))) keep rockin out, you glamorous redhead diva soul singer!
If only talking to my H in Greek or any other language would do the trick. Unfortunately everything said would likely fall on deaf ears.
Thanks for pointing out the positives.. I know there are positives but at the same time I do feel like he's a cake eater.
I look forward to moving.. then I'll live in a condo... he won't be able to see my car to see if I'm home (not that he stops by without calling now.. he wouldn't want to risk driving the 20-30 mins to get here if we weren't home).. but when we're nearby he might stop by whenever he pleases and I won't have that. Generally he tells me which days he'd like to come over and I make sure D2 gets to see him those 3 days each week.
Speaking of D2.. I'm trying to potty train her and to say the least it is "TRYING" on my nerves. I know in most relationships it's likely the mother that does it.. but it would be so nice to have a partner in crime to lean on during this.. because it's stressful and very unpleasant (if you know what I mean ) at times. But it's not. It's just me... and I get frustrated. I'm trying to just stay calm and continue on.. but when she purposely runs off and hides to go number 2 in her underwear instead of the toilet (or even coming to me) it gets to me. Anyone have any idea how long this training is going to take? A couple of weeks maybe?
H was here for Father's Day yesterday. We had a good day together (the 3 of us).. Went to the Keg for lunch.. Got him Season 3 of Entourage and a "The Flash" comic book.. so he was pretty stoked. Also wandered the mall for a couple of hours while D2 slept in her stroller... Had a Starbucks (always a good thing ) and came home.. Played with D2.. put her to bed.. then hung out together just the two of us for a few hours.. and then he took off back to the apartment.
I don't think there was really any newsworthy conversation or interaction. Just that he mentioned he had a really good day.
It's nearly officially summer everyone. It's amazing to me that I've "known" some of you for nearly 6 months now.. most of you know more about what's going on in my life than most of my RL "friends".
I hope you're all doing alright and hanging in there.
Funnily enough, I was looking for you whilst you were posting to me! I often think of you, as although me and my BF dont have kids, I think we are in a similiar sitch...you have a positive healthy R with your H. there dont seem to be any issues or resentments or OW, you are in regular contact, you spend quality time together, he obviously enjoys your company. I guess he too just wants to be alone right now?
I think you are very brave to be moving somewhere where you have more control. I cant afford the house I am in, but as he feels safe visiting me here, I am loathe to move and changes things. So I am impressed at your strength in doing whats best for you. I know what you mean about having a lovely day, but nothing to report. Its like, its all nice and comfortable, but... They are still not coming back. You are doing so well though, you always sound so together. Have you seen him recently at all without D2? Like an evening out? Could you suggest that, or do you think he wouldnt want to?
Do you ever visit him at your place, or does he like to come to you then, whenever he feels the urge?
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
) at times. But it's not. It's just me... and I get frustrated. I'm trying to just stay calm and continue on.. but when she purposely runs off and hides to go number 2 in her underwear instead of the toilet (or even coming to me) it gets to me. Anyone have any idea how long this training is going to take? A couple of weeks maybe?
) and came home.. Played with D2.. put her to bed.. then hung out together just the two of us for a few hours.. and then he took off back to the apartment.