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Treese,

Take what all these fine people have said to you and hold it in your heart. I sent you a text and try to call me tonight..k?

My H stopped by unannounced this past week and everyone ignored him. I went right into bedroom to do somethings ( basically to put distance between us...cuz i get the verbal vomit when he does talk to me). A few minutes later he just walked in and closed door behind him..im like "uh ohhh"
and he says....

H "what did you tell our neighbors about me?? when I got out of car I said hello and they ignored me..what did you tell them?"

M " I didnt tell them anything, X did"

H " you can't go around embarrasing me like that. And what did you tell Z?? you told her there was someone else? If you dont stop embarrassing me like that I'm gonna start doing it to you. Ive been nice and kept my mouth shut but Im gonna start embarrassing you too" ( he rambled on and on about being embarassed. interesting.)

M " I have nothing to be ashamed of".

H " and what are you telling the kids...that God is going to heal me of my sickness and our marriage will be better than ever?"

Hmmmmm....interesting..Ive never told the kids he has a "sickness"..and those were his exact words..he knows he's not ok. He's fighting it big time. and now for my finish...I said...

"Doug that is enough. I dont have to stand here and listen to this verbal vomit. I have heard enough. Now if you will step a side I have someplace to be"

I grabbed my breifcase and purse and keys and exited house backed outa driveway and had no idea where the heck I was going..lol. But I left him standing there..alone. I wasnt mean ..remember thats his job..I was matter of fact and strong.

BTW I just drove a couple streets over and called a friend and yacked on cell till I knew he was gone..

sigh..but he said he had a "sickness" and he pretty much came to me to tell me? In hindsight Im wondering if I shoudla stuck around to hear more but I was in "strong woman" mode..lol

Treese..listen to what these fine smart wonderful people are telling you..k?

Let me ask you this?? Have you seen a seperation/divorce paper yet?

I'll talk to you soon!

So much sage advice, you are all so inspiring...if only we all could have your strength and determination...

OMG Sandy....sickness? I think it's finally hitting home with him....cause why would he come all the way over to your house to ask you about people he doesn't care about? Hmmmmm....and wow, I hope I can be that strong soon....and walk away from it...my H is not an angry person....he says he doesn't hate anyone....well, he has no one to hate but himself....He never yells just says hurtful things....thinks he's speaking truth...

and when he looked at me and said, "Treese, do you think I'm just kidding about this?"..I said no.

But I still didn't believe him...I guess I'm stubborn....I wanted to say YES but I didn't cause he would have had me committed to the looney bin...

And no papers yet but I expect them soon....especially after my depreration yesterday....I did appear needy and I was doing so well....

As you put it Sandy.....I have an emotional hangover.....I need to take some aspirin...it's a new day..

And.....H is picking us up tonight for baseball cause it's out of town....unless he has second thoughts....

Treese

Just got this email from H....do I respond...or not??


"Sorry you're hurting.
I don't mean to make it worse.
I do care."

I need help fast.....

Treese..

huh? I'm thinking....I'm thinking....

anyone else???

Personaly..to me..it shows its almost like they have no control of their mind and actions? The "pull" into MLC is pretty dang strong and while they know its hurting us...it has this "hold over them". Not making excuses. there is no excuse..but you can almost see through their fog...

I still dont know how to answer or even if you should?

Maybe a simple "thank you". Nothing else.

I hope you get some better advice from others...

mine would never admit he was hurting me/us..hes waay too mean. But he said " I have to be to do what I'm doing". Blah.

Thanks h, I appreciate your concern. See you tonight.

Treese


Keep it simple and acknowledge that he was thinking of you.

No more than "thank you". I'd be tempted to not responds at all, but I think that's by growling side showing. Go with "thank you", but don't rush!

Just responded with "Thanks".....

There was so much I wanted to say but I'm not going to....this hurts guys....really hurts.....He apologized to the girls in an email...and to me in an email....I am thankful....I know he is feeling the guilt because he cant face us...God is working....

My head and my gut are getting the best of me today....trying to do other things to get my mind off this crap....

Thanks everyone....

Treese

Good response, Treese. That is all that was needed. I think you hit home with him. He is thinking. Now just let it be for now. If he brings up anything tonight, just listen.

Y

Treese

Take a deep breath.

Wait and listen.

E