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Yep - I'm with pup. Steer clear of this one and keep your boundaries intact. It's not you - just remain the stable, good person you are.

Hey H4H

Sorry I haven't been responding much. Like you, been going through a rough patch - must be the full moon if there is one.

Sounds like you WAW is in turmoil a lot - not sure which way to go. Not sure if this is good or bad - I have to imagine good as she will continue to doubt herself.

Keep on being strong, do what YOU think is the right path and stick to what needs to be done.

Life is a chit sandwich lately, but hang tuff my friend. And, if nothing else, root for the lakers!

CBK

I am tire of the chit sandwich. I think I know of some mujeres waiting to give me a CHEEESE STEAK sandwich!!

Gotta laugh!

Well, after hanging around here earlier, took the D's to MIL's community pool. While there, MIL show up to retrieve the tags, because they are having a youth bible study and everyone wanted to to swimming. She says she called WW and she told her that we would be there. MIL says she had invited us to the bible study. I say she didn't tell me anything. MIL says she must have forgotten. Yeah right, I say under my breath.

We stay for a couple of hours. I see a brother from church there. I was hoping to see that ex-employee I talked to last weekend. Oh, well. No sign. We stay for just a couple of hours. MIL pretty much stayed to herself and her husband and the group. We head to out to go see Indiana Jones.

Kicked butt. D's loved it. About midway through, WW calls me. I do not take the call.

Ok, so I waited five minutes and then I called her back.

I know. Dumb ass.

She asks how's it going. I say good and whats up. Thats one. She asks if MIL got in touch with me. I say yes. Whats up? Thats tow. She asks about the girls. They're fine, I say. She asks if we saw the movie and I tell her that we are trying to watch it now. She asks which movie house. I tell her and she says that she is there, also. I'm trying to get her off so I can go back. She is talking about MIL and that we got invited but she cant stand her husband and that she tried calling her house and he answered, and blah blah. I say again, ok whats up. Thats three. She says she is outside waiting for her little sister and they are going to see Sex and the City at 9:30. I tell her ok, after our movie, we might grab a bite to eat and then head home, ok. I think she finally got the idea. I could tell that she senses me trying to cut her off. She hates that. Ok, see you later. Bye

She sounded like she cleared her head a bit. A couple of f bombs when she spoke of MIL's husband, though. Hope it ain't because she got her brains f'd out. Nahhh. She didn't take a shower before she left. I would think that she would have at least showered up for him.

After the movie, D's are stuffed on sody(thats southern for soda although I could of said a co-cola) and popcorn. We all are. Head home and they fall asleep. I'm taking them home and I keep thinking that this is going to be how it is going to be.

Either them living with me and us going home to our house. Or them just being with me on weekends going home to our house. I pray that this is not how we end up. Please God, intervene.

Please.

I'm gonna keep on trying.

I told D's that we are going to church even if mom doesn't want to. We are supposed to go to WW's work sponsored family picnic at Six Flags. Tomorrow is another day.

Had a great one with D's today, though. I asked them, "Did we have a great day or what?!"

They said, "YEA!"

Hey.. atleast you waited, eh ?

I like the fact that you are addressing both possibilities here. You did a good job by taking control of the family sitch and doing your thing here. Hats off there !

When you feel like giving up.. well I dont know if this will work for you.. but it sure worked and still does for me.. repeat this 10X.. and think about it.

I control my emotions. My emotions do not control me.

It is a basic thing but I have found it to be helpful.

Hang in there.


Tom

That's right H4H, stay cool and steady while the rollercoaster rides on.

Stay in control. You can do this.
I love that you are re-inventing your relationship with your girls. It's great you are having fun with them. Great to see.

H4H

As you said to me once, you are on the rollercoaster. Stay buckled in so you don't fly out. It's amazing how many times this ride can give us a loop when we don't expect it.

Would be nice if once we could stop the ride and regain our balance - but until then PMA and steady forward.

Ever had that zit that was just about to pop?

THAR SHE BLOWS!!!

Saturday night, WW got home about 12:30. Kind of quiet. Not too much talking.

Sunday morning, get up and get coffee going. Girls get up and get WW up. She makes breakfast. I kind of take it easy. I usually make breakfast on weekends and WW sits back. So I sat back. I start to get ready. WW is still quiet. Not with the D's, just me.

Like I figured, WW is not planning on going to church with us. She says she is going to get things ready for us to go to Six Flags and clean up a little. The will meet us after church. Just earlier, she said she didn't what time we were going to go. I get ready, girls get ready and then D6 goes to ask why momma is not getting ready. WW tries to explain why. D6 looks very sad and looks right at me. WW looks at me. WW asks why she looks so sad. Again, D6 keeps looing at me.

I can see it coming.

WW sits down and asks D6 whats wrong. She is looking down and mumbles, "nothing". WW asks why she keeps looking at daddy. D6 looks at me and shrugs. Big, beautiful, brown, sad eyes. "Did daddy say something yesterday?", WW asks. I say, "What is the matter? Tell us. Tell momma. She thinks I'm filling your heads with things." WW quickly looks at me and says, "You don't have to say that in front of them." I say, "Then stop asking them stupid things like that."

We get ready to leave and I get D's in car. WW asks me what clothes she should take for me. I tell and go to car.

I mentioned somewhere earlier that I like to pop blackheads. I guess that goes for zits, too.

I tell D's to stay in car.

Ahl be bock. That was my Arnold voice.

WW is cleaning kids bathroom. I go to her and say, "Don't do that to her. I am not telling them anything. I don't know why you insist on trying to make me be a bad person. Are you trying to convince yourself to try to make it easier for you to leave?" WW tries to tell me about things she hears from the older boys. I have to explain to her that they sometimes hear what they want to hear. Then to reexplain what they thought they heard is different from that. We go back and forth.

She asks why D6 kept looking at me. I tell her I don't know.

She is not happy here, she says. "I want a divorce!" I say, You want a divorce so that you go f'ing someone else."

She says, "F you! Your just upset 'cause you're not getting it! I don't need a man. I got my toys!"

I tell her that I've gotten used to it. I try to get off the D subject. I tell her I know she has been trying to make plans. "If you leave, we'll lose the house. I won't be able to afford it." She looks surprised. "I don't know how you are going to afford a place on your own." I tell her. She tells me not to worry. She just wants to figure out if nephew and friend are going with her or getting thier own place or he will move in with his dad, who is moving back to San Antonio.

By this time, D's come back into house. I take them back out to car and tell them just a little longer. D11 looks upset. She know we are arguing. We are now at the door. I tell her that I don't want things to get ugly. She tells me that she doesn't think we can be friends. I tell her that she has hurt me. She says that we have hurt each other, but she tells me she has hurt me more. She tell me that I need to let her go. She wants it to be her and the girls. She doesn't need a man!

I say, "Then give up OM! You don't need me then you don't need him. Do it the right way. With no man." She says, "I am! I don't want any man, and I'm not going to have him around with the girls, anyway." I tell her that she just said two different things. She says she doesn't need him. She doesn't want anyone. She wants to help herself. She needs to fix herself, she is telling me. I tell her to get rid of him now. Don't wait any longer. Do it now.

I tell her, "and I have given you up. I am trying to keep our friendship. I'm not trying keep you as my wife right now. I am trying not to lose my best friend.

We have calmed down. I turn to leave. I poke my head back in. "Don't take away our friendship. You are my best friend. If anything, we have that. I'm not trying to do anything to you. I care about you too much." We are both crying at this point. We are looking at each other.

We discuss S14 and his leaving to live with his father this summer. She says its temporary. She says he just has to see what it is like and he'll probably be back. It won't be permanent. We are looking at each other and she quietly say, "Like me."

She quietly says that we are late for church. I tell her it is too late to go. I come back inside, tell her "come here", I put my arms around her and give her a hug. She puts her arms around my neck.

I whisper to her, "I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. We need to sit down and think of a plan."

I feel her nodding.

We are there for a few minutes. I let her go. I go get kids.

The rest of the day went with out a hitch. Like nothing was ever talked about. Spent the day at Six Flags for her work picnic. She introduced me to her coworkers. Water park. Floating, holding on to each others floats. Riding rides. Roller coasters. My 180's. Sitting together. Sharing food and drinks. Making fun of the way people dress. Laughing. Chatting.

Another GREAT family day. Together.

It feels like the pressure is off of her. I know that she has not done anything solid by way of an apartment. So far, just talking and looking. And wishing.

I will keep on doing what I was doing before. Trying to keep our friendship. That is what is going to help us make it, I feel. We are best friends. Life partners. She can't get rid of me.

I left early this morning. Gave her a hug goodbye. I surprised her. Hell, I should have kissed her too. She goes in later than usual. I have already talked to her a couple times this morning. She asked me to call and wake her up because she wanted another half hour of sleep. Says her head is ringing. We talked a little.

She is two different people living inside of one body.

I am trying to extracate the bad one. It seem like I do good job of bringing out the bad one, now if I can just get rid of the bad one.

H4H,

You rescued her. The steam in the Consequences Kettle was reaching a breaking point, but you hugged and best-friended her way thru it.

You are SO much like me, it's not even funny.

Never rescue an adulterer from the consequences of their infidelity.

Puppy

Puppy, HOW can we be so much alike?

You come off as such a hard ass.

Direct. To the point. Non-wavering. "This is the way it is going to be" type of guy.

You've mentioned before how you see us alike. I felt strong in what I was telling her. I almost drove off and left it alone from the beginning. I feel like I am just holding my rope by the fingers. Ready to concede. Like I'm arm wrestling and she has my arm locked back. I'm pretty strong. I can keep going. It FEELS like I am doing the right thing.

Maybe I'm not.

Puppy, so you don't think it was good to hug her?
I understand what you mean, btw good advice the NMMNG book, I love it!.
But I don't think in this case H4H gave the impression he was forgiving her - they ended up spending a good family day - good memories - hard things to leave behind.... it worked - so it was good thing.