Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? A last resort - not sure what to do?

Well, if he isn't sure what he wants then no real decisions should be made.

Their confusion is your ally.

That will make sense in time.

Hey Julia!

I found you here too! Jack is FAB! He's a successful DBer so is worth listening to aswell. He and Jeff saved me when I started posting here (or at least made me smile every time they posted).

I hope you've had an OK day today,

L.xx

Thanks Lisa, I had been up until tonight! Seriously, I wonder what happened to the man I married?! I am so grateful to have found this forum at this point in the general happenings. I really don't know what I would have done without the support of people on here or indeed the books. It has helped give me a strategy and a way of making sense of this huge mess - a huge thank you to Michelle Weiner-Davis too then :-)

It has really made me feel like I am not goign through it alone.

No, definitely not alone. This place is amazing and there are some great people here. Pop over to Jeff's if you get a minute- he's talking Mexican food!

L. xx

unless it is your mom/sister or best friend who knows all you've gone through I'd just tell thank them for their concern but that at this point things are on a holding pattern. Then immediately change of subject and ask them something about their lives

About replying to him, also tell him that you dont' know what to do either, let him do the leg/thinking work and have him sweat it out. It's also a great way to drag your heels and buy time.
If it becomes more serious (he mentions putting the house on the market for sure, etc etc) tell him that you are not going to communicate by txt only about such important matters.

And trust me on this, just so you'll have all your bases covers, talk to a L, you dont' need to retain one, but it will be so much better for you just to know what could happen in the event of a permanent S. Just go for a consultation and check what are your rights and what benefits you most. That way, if the time comes when you guys have to seriously talk about financial matters you'll know where you stand.

Hi Cat

Thanks for your post. Unfortunately it is my mum, my sister and my best friend who all want me to just give up... I kind of feel all alone really but another friend came round tonight and gave me a huge amount of support and said that she'll support me whatever I do which was really lovely. I do feel sad though that I can't ring my mum about things and have to pretend everything is fine on the phone - that's what she wants to hear and can't take hearing anything else. When I phoned my best friend last night about the text she just didn't say helpful things and I find it really hard when people say bad things about my husband as he is still my husband! Maybe on the plus side though I am bonding with new friends...

I am going to book an appointment with a solicitor though just to find out my position, that is a really good suggestion thank you.

Julia,

I just had a talk with mom where I basically told her that I appreciated her concern for my happiness, but that I intend to work on my M and I know it may be a long road, and I know it might cause me a lot of pain, and I know it may not all work out, but that this is the path I am choosing and at the end of the day I know regardless of the outcome, that I left no stone unturned and gave it my all to make my M work.

There really wasn't anything she could say to it. Remember your friends and family want you to feel what they perceive as better as quick as possible. They don't liek to see you in any pain.

That is a really good way of phrasing it, I think I will use that :-) my mum is a lost cause really as it just causes too much hassle but to my sister and best friend I think I will say just that.

I think Cat's advice for other people is really good, a quick change of subject should put them off. Diversion tactics!

Sound slike a good plan....afterall it always works for my 2 year olds

Best wishes with your BF and sister. Hopefully they will support you and whatever you do and be there for you when you need them

Hey Julia,

Just stopping in to see how you're doing. I hope you had a good day.

L. xx