Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse Oh no! Please help!!

Ya know, we grow up in a society that preaches how unique and special we each are. Extreme individualism.

And while I can agree that we are all each unique and special entities on planet Earth..I think it also allows us to loose touch with how similar we can all be too. So it is comforting to come to sites like this and see how our problems in life arent that unique afterall, and that many people have similar experiences & that we are not alone.

I can be honest that my attitude is not always very good. And in fact about 6 months ago (bomb dropped) it was pretty bad. And some days I feel more/less hopeful than others.

Between coming to this site and coming to the realization that people really arent all that different, and our problems not unique and insurmountable...coupled with an pure desire to make improvements for myself...not for her, but for my own outlook on life and desire to be the best father I can be..I really do feel 'reborn' with inspiration to continue down this path...with or without her.

I now realize my regeneration would have been impossible if my forrest was not burned down.

In hindsight, I can see how this experience NEEDED to happen. And I can appreciate my wife for having the strength to kickstart it.

So now I realize how beneficial this rollercoaster is, I am ready to enjoy the ride - put my arms in the air and feel the rush

I think we all go through that realization at one time or another...

I used to be a very positive person. I'm working my way back to that. It is much easier to have a optimistic outlook than a pessimistic one, IMO. But, it's going to happen, the low valleys and the high mountains... a few rainfalls later, and beautiful rainbows.

I like to surround myself with positive people, and I find that works really well. (Rather than poking at negatives, find the positives, blah blah blah...) Sometimes it's hard to do.

I really applaud you because it's really hard work. At the same time, as much as I can probably empathizes with your wife. I wonder if she's being too hard on herself? I often am very hard on my self, and that is something that I know I have to work on. That could also be what is holding her back too... as well as pride. We woman can have egos too. (Nah! Ya think? )

I dont think she is being hard on herself. Not anymore at least. Once she made the decision to leave, it was like a big weight was lifted for her. The one thing she seems very concerned about, is not being true to herself & her promise by taking me back. She has done that before more than once and I slipped back into bad habits each time. I really have an uphill battle on my hands to show her that things can be different. At times, she is so tired of everything she seems really not to care if it can be different. She just wants to move on. It really sux

She feels I am being too hard on myself. I dont fully agree, I am just finally taking responsibility for all the stuff I did that contributed to where we are at.

The only thing I have going for myself, and I mean the ONLY thing...is that she is still in the house (due to economic situations beyond our control)

If it wasnt for these outside factors, she would have left a while ago.

So while we still share the same roof, I am trying to make the most of each and every moment to walk the talk in hopes she has a change of heart.

We will see. Seriously though, there were times I was so bad 99% of the human race would never have put up with it as long as she.

The only things I did not do, was physically abuse her or cheat on her. Otherwise, I did damn near every other evil a husband could possibly do/say

I'm glad you're taking responsibility, because that right there is a HUGE difference! A lot of people are too scared to do that.

I try to understand that (people being scared to take ownership of thier issues)

But I cant

Self-examination & taking ownership & action pales in comparison to losing my wife.


And if I never did what I am trying to do now, and we moved on with our lives and I met someone else, I would only find myself in a similar boat again in the future..

I guess it's easier for some than others. I can relate to being scared, the whole flight or fight... I run. It's been ingrained into me since I was a little girl. But as I got older, I got way more assertive too. (Maybe little too much I'm afraid. LOL)

Some people just don't like examining themselves, because it can be quite a difficult process- or they don't want to face what they know to be true. There are many reasons why people duck in the shadows, rather than holding up that mirror. They are afraid of what they'll see. Others find it easy, and enlightening. I find it a mixed bag, myself. I have surprised myself, that's always good. And then, yes, I can be pretty damn ugly too. And I think that is what discourages people. It's a preconception, I suppose. I was afraid too- that whole being hard on myself, and stuff.

People don't usually equate that with their marriage or spouse either. They don't usually see that butterfly effect, how one things effects another, or vs, ya know. It's diffidently different perspective than all that I've been taught before.