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nah! It was supposed to follow "Talk like a caveman day", but this thread is moving too fast!

too much drama

well new husband got done work at 2 and no call. i guess they don't hear what i have to say.

heard nothing from f. i pray to God He leads this all in the right direction.

S9 seems to be doing better after his therapy apointment. he sent f an email telling her that he misses her. and wants her to come back.

i talked to his therapist for a bit before the appointment, he asked me what happened and i told him everyting. he also say it sounds like cold feet. he said that she will call. everyone says that.

i leveled with s9 on the way to the appt. i told him that i missed f also, and that wheather she came back or not she was a good person. and that her and daddy, are going to do whats right for everybody wheather it's easy or not.

she called and ended it officially. said i was a liar and a horrible person and that she met someone else. she sounded very angry. she wouldn't tell me what i lied about but whatever, she wants no contact. it has come to myattention that xw claims xf told her i said xw left because she was on drugs and had multiple affairs. i sent xf an email saying that no contact would be hard if she continues to say things that are untrue, such as blah blah blah. i doubt that she really said that, but whatever, i've been letting $#!t go for to long.

also had it out with new husband, he says they refuse to believe me because guess what? i'm a liar. again, the only proof he had i shot down and offered to confront the person he told me said what i apparently said. i tried to make things right by sending an email saying that i now understood why xw has been the way she has been and based on what she believed, that she was justified. xf was included in the email(this was before she called me). it would have been easier to lie.

BF,
sorry you are going through this, the important thing is that you have your integrity and you know it.
You rushed too much this marriage thing, and this is a fact.
Don't try to justify yourself or explain with new H, you don't have to.... if asked give your version.
With ex-W good thing you had the chance to clarify what really happened, also if a bit late.... still better then never.
Now she can believe whatever. You are clean.
Your new GF should trust your word more then the one of ExW, but she is freaked out because of the marriage pressure and if a palm reader told her you are a killer she would probably believe it... or at least she would have doubts.
I think when she cools down a bit she is going to think a bit straighter, but I don't know if it is worth to wait.
What upsets me , and this is personal, is how fast this women find an "alternative", another guy..... What a heck... slow down a bit! What is the rush... they jump from one men to another like they were fresh water! This, I think, tells you A LOT about how much they value a relation.

thanks, what you say makes sense


edit works!!!

Well, this didn't quite work out the way I thought it would. After some reflection, and talking to friends, getting perspective, I am doing okay. The finality sucks, but I'll make it. I will not contact her unless she contacts me. A friend that works with her told me that she was telling people Monday night that she was single or whatever. That makes sense that's about when Kari got her clutches into her. There are things I know about this R. We went to fast. We started too soon. XF hasn't been "alone" since she was D'd(I should have known better). We had a lot of fun. We treated each other great. We were good to each others kids. We had stressers. Kari did't want it to happen. XF was alway worried that I would change my feelings. She has been beet down and hasn't built herself back up. I know I have never had anyone care for me like she did, it wasn't clingy needy love, it was happy love. I never had to earn it and neither did she. So where to go from here. Focus Focus Focus. Boys Me Money Health. Pray, XF, Kari, boys, me. My feelings, detach from situation, not from her. There is still something there, I know this because, I have no shame in saying it. The looks I will get, the opinions, the snickers and laughs, they don't matter. This girl is worth it. She doesn't give herself credit, but she is a smart woman, she has some issues but who doesn't? I hope she is honest with her therapist. I feel that this girl is in my future. I have an instinct on it. There was no clousure, it happend so quick. One minute we are planing on getting married, the next she loves me and wishes she wasn't conflicted, the next I am a liar and she has met someone else. We both needed to slow down. She needs to be alone. Please let this be Gods way of doing that. We both had a taste, it was a good R, but went too fast. So time heals, right? I have faith in her that she will cut through the crap. I'm sure Kari will eventually wane off contact with her. Then she will be able to think. I of course sent that email, I don't mind that, I need to defend myself, again I have been letting crap go for too long. I allowed Kari to get away with a lot, my friends see it, XF saw it, now I do. I righted my part of this, from here on out it sticks to the kids. My line will be Kari, I am sorry for my part in your hurt I have tried to right it. I don't trut that you will present what I say correctly in repeating it so I do not wish to partake in conversation unless it is about the children.

So hope for a future with this girl, yeah. I don't need it, but I have hope. I think it's there, when you strip away everything else, there is her and me. When she is alone, that's what she will think about.

Stephen Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People quotes the saying, "It is not the bite from the poisonous snake that kills us, it is the chasing of the snake that drives the poison to our hearts".

This was posted on someone's thread on the Surviving board, I thougt it was soo great, and wanted to share it with you.

First of all is has been a hell of a few days. That numb feeling sucks. I am sorry about that, you are sounding stronger.

I think that after all you have been thru with your EX, I think you are in a place that you can bounce back quicker.

Tiger, I think your goals should be prayer, spiritual and emotional health.

Other things will fall into place.

Are you a liar?

If you aren't, then people saying you are, should have no effect on you.

Do not take it personally.

I know easier said than done. It is just that you have been thru so much already. Pray to be at a place where you are growing from past mistakes and hurts.

Learn from the past, learn from this experience.

She called you to say it was over, and that she has found somone else?

Think deep about this. She was in contact with your EX. It just all sounds so ick.

I remember telling someone I really cared about and respected. I will try to not hurt you in the way your X hurt you, by lying and being sneaky and all that jazz. I just could not see myself hurting you that way, after all you have been thru. I really made it a point to be sensitive to those things.

That was someone that was just my friend. Imagine if I were in a Relationship with them. I would of been so much more aware.

I think when you come to a place of being comfortable in your own skin, and then go into an R. You are aware of these things, and it is a mutual give and take. A mutual respect. A mutual bond at building honesty.

If you really saw all of these things with her? Then by all means Work on your spiritual and emotional health, and keep the door open.

But if you ever saw, the selfishness, and lying and drama that I see about her. Still work on your spiritual and emotional health. But, then this may be a lesson that you needed to learn for whatever reason. Thank God he has showed you the light before you walked down that aisle.

Go do something fun with the boys. Oh, and I think your son should not email her anymore. Tell him to email you whatever he wanted to tell her, Or to write it down in a journal or in a letter.

Let him get his feelings out, I just know that to her it will seem as you are up to something.

Children are innocent. Protect them from all of this as you do. They are not to be involved in these adult matters. It shapes their future, it takes away their carefree nature. I am so happy that he went to the therapist. I am so happy that you spoke to his therapist also.

Many prayers are being said for you and your boys Tiger. I hope you get a minute to just feel them, and let them do their job.