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Addie, dear,

I have written a post a minute a go and it just disappeared:( Here is the short version:

((((((HUGS, HUGS, HUGS))))))! And HURRAY for H coming home, uncertainty, anger and drawbacks notwithstanding!

I'm still deep in the drama, my H is still here (changed the date of his flight), my comp is still not working and I'm still
hoping to write a decent update soon. Sorry, have to be brief, I'm in the comp lab and students are all over the place.

Talk to you soon!

Kalni - thanks for checking in.
Stella - so good to hear from you!!! Can't wait to hear about what's been happening with you.

The emotional rollercoaster continues. Friday evening S went to a friend's birthday party. H suggested we go for a hike together. Afterwards we made dinner and had a few mixed cocktails. We had a very nice time together. Saturday evening all 3 of us went out to a Cirque de Soleil performance (H's suggestion to get tickets) and we all had a fabulous time. First thing Sunday morning H is distant again and remains this way the whole day. I continue to feel very insecure when he becomes distant. He went into work yesterday which he hadn't mentioned until yesterday morning and then had other errands to run - he was out for several hours. I automatically start to imagine he's contacted OW.
I feel we're not really dealing with any issues. I'm the one who always has to initiate the talks otherwise H does not bring anything up. On a positive note H has borrowed several R books from the Library. He even signed out "After the Affair" and another book about healing from infidelity and rebuilding trust. I hope he actually reads the books.

He is really trying addie. You've got to give him that. Help him! You know how to do it. You've read books, read situations here, you know what you want, you are a fighter, help him and you will make it, no doubt!

Kalni

Just checking on you...
K

Hi Addie

What a difference a week makes! We all knew he'd move back in but the question was when. I'm so happy for you!

It's great that he has checked the books out. I hope he reads them too.


Maybe it would be wise to drop the R talks for a while. Maybe H doesn't bring them up because he knows you will. Just give him some time to approach the topic. Maybe he will after he's read some of the books.

Jen

Kalni - thanks for your posts.

Jen - great to have you back - I just posted on your thread.
Unfortunately I initiated R talk again last night (after a week of no talks) when some concerns popped up. A few days ago H told me he would be going away on an overnight trip to do some field work. He left this morning and will be back tomorrow night. Although I know OW is out doing field work for the summer, I "acted as if". Last night H told me he was also going away for the weekend to do field work/research. I started to feel very insecure again and I brought up my concerns when we went to bed. He reassured me that she wouldn't be there - that she's in a different town, that he's no longer involved with her and that I have to believe him. I told him I don't know what to believe anymore and I didn't stop there. I pointed out that we're not actively working on our issues, that the issues that led him to the A are still present and will not "just disappear". I questioned why he is back - is it because he was dumped, to fill a void, because he is lonely??? He didn't say much - only that he is not seeing her.

I hate feeling this way. I feel that he should be doing a lot more to provide me with reassurance. In his mind I should just trust him. Aarrgghh!!!

Addie,

You can give forgiveness but not trust. Trust is earned slowly over time. Did you trust him the minute that you first met him? No. You have to rebuild it slowly by his actions just like you did when you first met. It would be silly to trust him right now. He should be trying to reassure you with actions.

Hang in there.

You are right Eagle. Trust is earned.

I think H (and from what I've read most WAS) would like nothing better than to sweep everything under the rug and continue on like nothing has happened.

Addie,

I think you are doing fine! Eagle is so right, trust has to be earned slowly. H does need to reassure you but I also think you are right & he is trying to block it in his mind what he has done & how he has messed up!!

You are doing great, hang in there!!!

(((HUGS)))

Addie,

Thank you for checking in on me & posting on my thread.

I hope you are doing well! How is it going??

(((HUGS)))