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I am so glad that you have posted Jeff! Just check in now and then whenever you can. You have really been on my mind a lot lately because I know how difficult this all must be for you.

It will eventually wear off for her. It has to. Right now she is happy because she is where she has been wanting to be: in her own place. But there will be moments where she will miss you, Jeff.

Stay strong and keep everything business like as best as you can.

Sara

Jeff,

I have been thinking about you a lot. You made it through probably the hardest day in your life so far. She will realize her mistake. I just hope it is not too late. I remember the happiness at first, too. I felt good because I was no longer sneaking around (it was now "ok" in my mind because we were separated) and I still had my son and house all day. You are right that she won't "feel" it until she doesn't see the kids and she has to work. She needs to lose something.

I admire your strength.

Praying for you as usual,
WDID

Sara, thank you for checking in on me, I'm so mad, I don't know why God is making me go through all of this. W comes over to the house before the kids get up and its just me and her, she looked so beautiful this morning, I kept the conversation to a minimum and left for work early just to get away from her, because it hurts so bad to be with her. I didn't say goodbye to her this morning, I said I'm leaving, call if you have any questions.

Thanks whatdidido, for validating my thoughts, she hasn't lost anything yet, she hasn't had to support herself yet, she is living in a fantasy world. She is at home all day with the kids. I don't know if she will ever come back, or if I'll ever be able to forgive her for what she has done to me.

She keeps asking about coming over to take the kids to school every morning. As I stated in prior post, I told her no, I didn't want to see her everyday, she said I wouldn't have to see her, she would just pull up to the house and wait for the kids to come out. I told her no again and told her not to keep pushing me on this issue.

1. I do not want to see her everyday. 2. I don't want to wait on her to show up, I did this too many times, wait for her to be somewhere she said she would, then having to call her to find out where she is at. 3. I want to keep the kids on a set schedule, we will have specific things to do every morning and we will leave every morning at a set time. 4. there is no reason for her to do this, I have to leave for work the same time kids need to be dropped off, so I'll drop them off and head straight to work. 5. she isn't doing me any favors by taking them to school, now watch them on a Friday night while I go out, now that would be a favor.

I really don't want to see her everyday, she can have the kids anytime she wants (non-school night) and I've told her this on several occasions. It will be great for me to drop them off on a Friday night so I can go out with my friends.

Once the kids are in school fulltime, and she is working to support herself, she will have to make choices, what she can afford to buy, how she wants to divide up her time, between me time, time with the kids, time with OM and time for work. This will be painful for her; this is when reality sets in, not seeing her kids everyday and having to make choices about what she can afford and how to divide up her time.

I'm not a religious person, since this has all started, I have reflected more, I have looked to the Bible for inspiration and guidance, I keep posting why God is doing this to all of us, it's not God, its the weak individuals who we married that are doing this to us. God gives us the strength to try to work on our marriage, God gives us the strength to deal with our WAS, keep praying everyone, for me, for whatdidido, for Sara, for karen, kat, hopeful4her, germ, cbk, and everyone else here, pray that God continues to give us strength, patience and love. We all need love, to be loved, to be wanted. Someday I'll find love again

James 1:13-15 (New Living Translation)
And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life

We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08

Jeff,

You are right. It is not God who "does" things like this to us, but rather our own free will. His heart is as broken (even more??) than yours is that your wife is rejecting His love and His forgiveness that He's willing to give to her anytime she asks for it sincerely.

No, God doesn't MAKE bad things happen to us, but He CAN make "all things work together for the good, for those that love Him and that are the called according to His purpose." (sorry, forget my chapter and verse -- it's Romans something, I believe).

You will grow thru this, I promise you, Jeff. And your kids will be okay. Just DO THE RIGHT THING, in every situation, even when it's scary or painful.

You were not called to please YOUR WIFE (you were only called to love her unconditionally). You are commanded to please GOD, and to do the right thing, in every situation.

Just keep doing that, and you'll be fine. It'll HURT LIKE HELL, but you'll be fine.

I promise.

Puppy

Jeff, I sincerely appreciate your thoughts. You are blessed and will continue to be. It may not feel like you are, but you are. You are also a blessing to others.

We will find love again. With our WAS's or someone else. We do deserve it.

Jeff, I am glad that your wife is still looking beautiful. My husband looks just awful (which I know I have stated before). He was always such a handsome man and now it is painful to me to look at him because he just looks so bad.

I heard this on the way to work this morning - this is how I feel

The Allman Brothers Band "Whipping Post"

I been run down, I been lied to,
I don't know why I let that mean woman make me a fool.
She took all my money, wrecked my new car.
Now shes with one of my goodtime buddies,
They're drinkin in some crosstown bar.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whipping post,
Tied to the whipping post,
Tied to the whipping post,
Good lord, I feel like Im dying.

My friends tell me, that Ive been such a fool,
And I have to stand by and take it baby, all for lovin you.
Drown myself in sorrow, and I look at what you've done.
But nothin seems to change, the bad times stay the same,
And I can't run.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post,
Tied to the whipping post,
Good lord, I feel like Im dying.

We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08

Stay strong on not having her take them to school. She just wants the "easy feel good mommy" job of picking them up and taking them to school without the work of getting lunches packed, breakfast made, etc. She would get to lessen her guilt by thinking she "sees them every day". Messed up really.

Is your wife a religious person at all? "With God, all things are possible"....she should know this if she doesn't already....she needs to know this.

The Whipping Post song is sad....but i see how that mirrors your feelings right now. It WILL get better, Jeff. This is the right thing for you to do right now, and you will see your future more clearly in a few months. We are here for you during this time. You are not alone, and are in many of our thoughts.

I have stopped listening to the radio because everything on there seems to remind me of my sitch. I also haven't been watching much TV for the same reason. I can't believe how much affairs are the norm on television.

It is true...you aren't alone, Jeff. I know how hard this all is.

Sara

Thank you I will not budge on this issue, she is messed up and you know what its doing to me:

Here is how I feel on a typical day

Is your wife a religious person at all? We always tried to do the right thing, we were both raised Catholic, we both tried to go to church on a regular basis, when D9 got into school, I tried to take her to church every Sunday, now I take all the kids every Sunday. W never goes anymore, last time she was in church, remember, she cried and I thought God would send down a bolt of lightning on her.

I was never more proud, when W accompanied the kids and I to church, I was truly in heaven, but the last time that happened was a long time ago

Thank you Sara, and whatdidido, and everyone, thank you all. There are so many of you out there, germ, cbk, karen, puppy, kat, lwb, h4h, I know I'm missing someone and I'm sorry, I do appreciate you all more than you will ever know, and I know I'm not your typical BDing person, thanks anyway, for keeping me company and understanding how I feel

We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08