You have gotten great advice, let me add one thing.....you talk about it 'feeling' right or wrong to talk about the R, etc...Your 'feelings' may not be YOUR best barometer right now.
The lists were a GREAT idea. I like your journalling, but like sofaraway said....there's a lot going on in your head. Give yourself a vacation from all this stuff going on in your head. Just take a break. It will be good for you and the R.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001