That's why you have a lawyer. Judges don't believe things without proof. They are lied to all the time. Your husband is trying to bully you. Courts do not like to be used by bullies. You will be treated fairly. But you do need to speak to your lawyer. Does she have an emergency number that you can at least leave a message at?
Damn it. I was so hopeful that you were blowing things out of proportion in your head. (((Mary))) I'm sorry that he's pulling this crap on you.
I think Jeff's got it right:
Quote:
I think so. Like you said, he is doing this because you are not giving him his way. It isn't because he really wants full custody, he is really trying to blackmail you. He knows you, he thinks you'll panic, and give in to whatever he wants. He might keep her for a few days, let your lawyer work. Stay calm, panic just gives him ammunition.
DON'T give him any more ammunition.
The judge will see through everything and do what's right.
In fact, I wouldn't doubt he'll get in a LOT of trouble for taking her out of state when he doesn't have any kind of custody order in place. That can't be considered a good thing.
And Sara has good points as well - there is no way there's a custody hearing at 9 AM that you haven't been notified about. (unless... that's why he was going through the mail, to try and steal the notice out??). In any case call your L first thing in the morning and/or leave a message tonight.
I hope all this will FINALLY give you the motivation to get papers in place to protect yourself. Do this as soon as you possibly can OK?
(((Mary)))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
(PS: I know you're really upset, and this seems trivial, but I want to make sure people keep finding/supporting you. Please try to keep your next posts to one thread - this one or pick up one of your other ones from the last few days. There are SO many people and stories here and it's really hard for people to find you and for those of us following you to find your latest post when you have new threads all the time).
Deep breaths Mary... your Dad and L will help fight for you tomorrow.
Do you have a friend who could come stay with you tonight, or somewhere you could go stay? (I know you don't have a car but someone could come get you, or a taxi, or something).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Everyone has done a good job here of allaying your fears. Listen to these folks. One thing I want you to know about lawyers. They understand the process so what may feel like the end of the world to you is just part of the process to them. Your H will file the petition. You will be alerted. A date for your response will be set, then things will go from there.
nik -- no there has been zero papers. h is never here when the mail comes.
I have left numerous messages to the lawyer. I'm afraid he's going to use my past depression/anxiety card (I am stable and being treated and it has NEVER effected my parenting). of course he is using this as a way to scare me to get what he wants. I just pray the judge sees this.
is it possible he can get full custody so that I have no access to my duagher? HE"s the one who left!!!!
No, you would have to be a really terrible mother who endangers her child for that to happen. And even then, most probably you would still have joint custody. If you have a doctor who is seeing you for depression, then he will testify on your side that you are within the range of normal. I doubt a judge would even look at copies of a journal if the doctor says that you are normal. Judges use expert opinion, not the word of one of the litigants. I've known of cases where the mother was diagnosed with a personality disorder, and she still had joint custody. Your husband indulges in wishful thinking and bullying. That is the reason we have courts and judges.
If you are keeping journals, you might start one with a record of all the things that your husband has done that are abusive to you and that broke agreements. Document when he left, and how long it was before he thought to try to take care of his daughter. Include taking the car keys and not returning them in a timely fashion, taking the child and not bringing her back at the agreed upon time, taking her out of state and preventing you from visiting with her, anything else he has done to show the judge how he is mistreating you. Put in dates, if there were witnesses, things like that. This is something you could do tonight instead of worrying.
THIS IS NOT DB ADVICE, COMES FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
Call your local police department or HIS, and the ones in NJ. CALMLY tell them what is going on, ask each of them what your rights are and what they can do. Where your daughter is, ask them to check on her and ask them to SEE her, because you are in the middle of separation and divorce, and he has taken her and broken your agreements.
Judges do not like parents interfering with the relationship of the child with the other parent. He would need a LOT more than the zoloft to get her away from you.
Last edited by sgctxok; 06/02/0812:51 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Nice post with excellent suggestions, Sara. Also, I would take a photo of the envelop with post mark that he sent the keys in and a witness to watch her open it. That way a judge will ask either why did you take them or why didn't you just bring them back.
And maryangela, no more calls to the attorney. He or she knows nothing can be done until tomorrow.
