Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Husband wants to reconcile again-try#4

Tipper,

Enjoy the rest of your lives together. We are here 24/7, so please update us. If you need additional work on marriage, I'd suggest the KLA series. Right now, remember the changes that brought you to your marital glow. Love is a priceless gift. HE'S HOME!!!!

Congratulations!!
/Tia

Tipper,

His change around is sooo sudden. In a matter of days the situation has gone from you not being able to pin him down to talk to wedding rings and ILY?

Have you read anything about commitment phobia?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0425111709/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

This is a really good book. You can flick through it online. See what you think.

Nutty

Nutty,
Thanks for the link I will check it out.

I do realize that This all turned around rather quickly, but I think he just needed to take the time to make sure he was ready to come and talk to me about a recommitment and be able to back it up with effort.

I have also read many success stories here and most of them say that when their S returns it is very sudden and unexpected. This is what seems to have happened with me. It took him 2 months of tough love from me (which was very scary for me to set up such boundaries with H) but it worked and it made him scared that I would'nt just wait around for him. He also did many very nice random acts of kindness for me during the two months even though we didnt see each other.

Another reason I think this may be a tru awakening this time is because I talked to his mom and she informed me that he talked in depth about our R with them for the first time in a year and a month and was remorseful about his actions.

I also feel like my H had a bit of a scare last week as one of his friends that he went golfing with the week end before last, had died last week of a drug overdose due to the dealer putting rat poisoning in cocaine and killing 5 people from our area. This kid was only an aquaintance that he met that day at golfing with his other buddies, but it was still a tragedy that shook up my H and caused him to drink very heavily the night he found out and then he drove home and didnt even realize it till the next morning. That was when he finally talked to his mom and was calling himself an idiot for his actions that night and through out the whole last year.

I hope he can COMMITT for life!!!!!
TIPPER

Tipper
Your situation sounds positive and if H keeps coming whether he stays or not I believe your chances are better than the wondering S that never comes home to stay even briefly shows how unsure he is
peace

Thanks Peace!

I am pretty weary and cautious about getting my hopes up too soon. We still have many hurdles we havent approached yet which will eventually be needed.

I canceled the walk for today since it was sprinkling and I said I would like to get my hair cut if he didnt mind rescheduling. He said - no problem. Later he called me while I was at my volleyball league and asked if I would like to hang out tonight. I text to tell him he could come by from 10 to 11 if he would like to visit.He said - Awesome!

H came by and we chatted & caught up some more about each others lives. It was nice. I informed him that I knew about his families crisis they are facing and he was pretty shocked that his mom had told me. But he was open to discussing it and we both agree on the sadness of it all. It was kind of a downer to chat about - but I felt it necessary to let him know he doesn't need to tiptoe around the topic.

He had his ring on still, thats a good sign. I hope it stays on his finger.

I know my own issues are allready kind of present from the way he talks so much about always chillin with his younger new buddies and he told me of about three different plans he allready has planned with some of them through out the next few months. I guess I need to let him still be a bit free and not worry about it now since I dont know if it is just talk. He also talked about going to an auction this sat. to look at dirt bikes and boats, but then was saying it probably wouldnt be good to buy something right now since he is slow. I hope this is just a temptation and I pray he doesnt persue it.

Thanks for listening,
TIPPER

yea, sounds like he is letting you know he still needs his space.At the moment the buddies are his safety network, there to fall back on if things with you don't pan out. he must be feeling apprehensive too ..

Nutty

Nutty:
I agree with you about my H maybe being a bit apprehensive. He also has no plans on moving in to my town house right away and we havent even discussed if he would move at the end of june when his lease is up or not.

I sometimes fear that My H still wants the best of both worlds (his freedom & his new friends & bars - at the same time as - me and all the comforts of home).

I just have no idea how we are going to mesh both of our very busy and different lives back into one life together again. We used to do everything together and now it is completely the opposite. Not to mention no one we used to hang with likes him much anymore & that stops him from wanting to do many of the things I do. I hope this time, we can make it long enough for us to heal and to heal our R's with all those we used to know and love too.

I guess I am just gonna keep up with my GAL as usuall and see my H in between the down times. Maybe we will move forward from there eventually.

I find I dont know what to talk about around him sometimes right now, lots of long awkward silences. He must think I am so boring, but I am trying and it is hard to feel comfy around him still. I feel like it is always a first date- but instead of being really interesting it is just the opposite since he allready knows every thing about me.
TIPPER

Might be worth thinking about something you can do together that doesn’t involve either set of friends . . .

I know what you mean, you have moved on past the ‘getting to know you’ stage and yet don’t have the excitement of what the next level will hold as you have already been there. I mean it will be exciting but not in the same way.

GLA is good cos then you always have something interesting to talk about when you do come together.

Nutty.

Nutty,
Yeah, I think that would be best also to do somethings together at first that are not with either set of friends.

Last night my H said he would be interested in hanging out with my group of friends again on friday night since two of them are playing in a band at a local bar. So my H and I are planning on going to watch them tonight. I hope its not too awkward for him, but I think we will be fine since I gave a lot of my friends the heads up last night at my dart league.

H brought me a dozen roses yesterday when he came over to visit for about a half an hour after work. It was so nice. This is only the third time I have gotten roses in 13 years.

I think H and I are kind of ready to move on to the next stage of getting a bit romantic/dating instead of just being friendly. I hope I am not moving too fast but it just seems right. I think I am gonna offer for us to go to dinner tonight before the band.

TIPPER

OMG that is sooo romantic!!

IMO The only reason to take it slow would be to protect your feelings so that you don’t get hurt again… But to be honest Tipper I think you have already made a huge emotional attachment to him again. You can’t help your feelings they go at their own pace. If it ‘feels’ comfortable then go for it.

Nutty.